In love with an older guy

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You seem to be missing my point... WE DO NOT KNOW THIS GUY'S INTENTIONS, NOR HIS FEELINGS!
She has made a comment about him 'seeeming to like her a lot also', what she does not tell us is whether or not this relationship is actually to the point where HE is talking about commitment and sex.

You folks keep reading into her comments... she has only provided HER feelings and suggestions that this relationship could be more than a casual friendship.

For all we know, her belief that he likes her may be totally off-base.
He may be thinking she's a nice person and maybe he treats her nicer than other men do... but has no interest in forming an intimate relationship with her... we don't know!
Maybe she interprets his actions as him liking her as much (or more) than she does him... again... we do not know.
She does not say anywhere that he has made advances towards her... read her post again... it's all there.

And Dantac, you rush to generalize men just like some of the others here.
You cast aspersions on someone you do not know!

This is what I keep warning against... writing someone off as desperate, horny, evil, lustful, when you do not know.

You can all keep up with the baseless claims that 90+% of men cannot have a relationship with a woman without thinking of her sexually or desiring her sexually.
I just find this a poor place to offer advice from.

She needs to be communicating with this gentelman and not seeking love advice from people who automatically write off a stranger without anything more than, "he seems to like me quite a bit".

If she is concerned about sex with this man perhaps she should address it with him or maybe even with people who actually know the two of them.

I'm just amazed how many people who regularly cry out about being misunderstood (as a group, not each of you individually), will jump to conclusions about someone they know extremely little about.
I think it's sad.

I tend to give people a chance to show their intentions rather than judge them when I actually know only their gender.
This is not being naive... it's being fair.

el oh el, buddy.

I see a little background is in order. Guy in question is ~20-30 years older than me (25 years older, give or take 5 - I don't know his exact age). Met him ~ 5 years ago in a social setting of mutual interest (one in which women are generally scarce, so it's not someplace guys would go to pick up dates). Have known and been friendly with guy during entire time; have a great deal of respect for him as a human being; no hint, ever, that he might be dishonest, manipulative, or otherwise untrustworthy (I wouldn't be so fond of him if there were). In short, he's simply one of the best human beings I have ever met.

When we first met, he (very gently, obliquely) hinted that he might be open to a relationship, but when I showed no interest he backed down and we have been friends meeting only in the setting of our club ever since. He's probably the largest person I've ever met, in person: ~6'5", probably better than 300 lbs (not all of it fat, either). I think some of his affection for me comes from the simple fact that I'm not afraid of him - I see a lot of people reacting with a sort of instinctive, defensive sort of body language when they see/interact with him.

As far as long term care... To but it with aspie bluntness, he has several strong risk factors for sudden cardiac death. Part of the reason I'm thinking more of this now is that the deaths of several people close to me lately has made me realize that what I regret most about good people dying is not having spent enough time with them, and I don't think he'll make it to 80 (guessing he's mid-50s now). If you're thinking, 'gold-digger,' don't: he owns his own home, but has no regular job and afaik no savings or investments.

So, again, sex just isn't going to happen - but I don't want to miss my chance to know this person better. He's a gem of a human being. What can I do to facilitate a strong friendship without breaking either of our hearts?

Wsmac are you some armchair shrink?

You're sitting her trying to get some clinical diagnoses on a message board. People post on here to get different opinions on the matter.

If someone wants a proffessional opinion where "all the facts" are given, then they need to go to a proffessional, not a message board, for advice.

Is the OP suppose to write a three page explination and all the details before people can render an opinion.

It's OP choice whether they agree with the opinions or not.

I don't think anyone is really being cynical on this thread apart from viska. Asexual relationships are in the minority. It is realistic to assume that somebody is going to want sex to some extent in a relationship. It isn't a slight on his character at all. It is about being realistic. Assuming he is a good person and he will respect her wishes no matter what, she can still get hurt if she is not realistic about it.


Viska threw in the intellectual angle, which is totally irrelevant and a big assumption. It is one thing wanting sex in a relationship it is another thinking/wanting the object of your desire intellectually devoid. It assumes the guy wouldn't care about her mind and she is stupid.

I would say for sojournertruth to seriously think about what she wants out of this. What level of intimacy, etc? What sort of relationship would be appropriate for both parties? Would good friends be what you are looking for? I think you need to be clear from the offset and explain the boundaries to him before proceeding.

From what you posted it seems like it won't work.

I wish you well in your future relationships sojournertruth, and I hope you can create a happy relationship, no matter the level, with this man. You sound like you have thought quite a bit about him and feel confident in understanding his manner and intentions.

I will give up on this thread though.

well...posting a problem in a forum devoted to love and dating, about a potential problem, sounds like a request for advice to me... All she had to do is say 'I'm not looking for advice', and that would be the end of it.

I dated someone 10 years older than me (I was in my 40s, she in her 50s) for 8 years. that particular union was a mistake, and I got out of it. So I have a little insight into the general situation. But every situation is different.

If I've offended anyone, my apologies. I hope everything works out.