Asking for advice

Post Reply New Topic

I think you might be a little obsessed, Roman. Women find men's being obsessed with them flattering in the best of circumstances and frightening in the worst of circumstances. Either way, they aren't in love with you.

The other ORIGINAL post was much shorter. But it lead to the 10 page long debate with Keggy on what it means to be "independant". Yes thats the other thing I am obsessed about, but right now I would like to switch gears to the quesiton of what should I do to fix the situation. And yes so far it isn't 10 page long yet:)

I won't be obsessed, if I find another girl who is just like Anne, but I doubt it will ever happen.

Like here is what I want. I want a girl who is all of the items listed below:

a)Math/ physics major
b)In GRADUATE school
c)We meet in class, NOT online -- that way no need to lying to my mom how we met in the bus or any other unlikely place/ explaining to gf why I have to lie
d)She approaches me first. Although this is an implication of c, I am too shy to approach girls in real life. Likewise, she offers me to run together with her, to cook together with her, to go to movies together, etc. etc. etc. Just like Anne did.
e)Skinny. I am not too picky, but given how both Sarah and Megan are REALLY fat, it jsut makes me think that may be its a pattern that skinny implies more competition and with my AS I can only make it to fat girls. But LO AND BEHOLD, ANNE WAS SKINNY!! !
f)Just as deep a person as Anne was. She has to be able to realize how most ppl are so shallow (like ppl in her math department who constantly play video games) and how I am one of her closest friends because I am not. Who would relate to my rejection due to Asperger because of her own rejectinos she experienced due to her worldview or whatever. YES IT HAPPENED WITH ANNE -- I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT ONE CONVERSATION WITH HER THAT MADE ME WANT TO RUN TO COMPUTER AND WRITE TO HER THAT LETTER RIGHT THERE.
g)Pure German.
h)Basically someone whose very presence would make me feel so calm and relax the way I felt with Anne and someone who would allow me be myself and be understanding about my Asperger the way Anne was to the point that I feel 100% accepted for WHO I am and feel NO pressure to be anyone else. THIS HAPPENED DURING THE FIRST WEEK BUT THEN I RUINED IT.

The reason I am saying it is that Anne is ALL of the above!! ! You see like before I met Anne I needed *A* girl friend. I had Megan and I was happy with it. I guess I broke up with Megan but I have a good chances with at least two other girls probably better than her; but now my eyes are opened and I see how I don't even care about them any more. And no one else will do either. Really. How many are female math or physics GRADUATE students in Michigan whom I will meet in class. Not many. And Anne was the only one of them who approached me. SO this alone singles her out as the only one. But then again the list keeps going on and there are other things that Anne has a lot in common with me.

I feel your pain on this one. Sorry it didn't work out.

Bump

I have noticed that one person voted "Yes do pursue her but there are better ways of doing it". Can you tell me what ARE teh better ways? Can you give me a detailed instruction that I can follow through.

I just feel very frustrated about anne again. Its like there are 3 simple things i want to tell her but there is that wall that completely prevents me from saying them. If she doesnt want to date me because of her bipolar thats fine. But I wish she could evaluate her decision once her concerns ABOUT ME are taken out of the way. Here are the three things I wish I could communicate to her:

1. During the first week, she was the one trying to ask me questions (such as my relationship with my mom and so forth) but unfortunately i didnt think through answers so i never answered what she asked, didnt tell her most of the things i wish i did, and told her a bunch of things i shouldnt have. But now I am willing to sit down and take my time to hear her point of view and formulate my own so that it wont cause any drama. So I just wish she could sit down and talk. I know it was my fault I didnt take time to hear her and formulate my own thoughts back when I was given countless of apportunities to do so. BUT I LEARNED MY LESSON. If only i had a chance to speak right now I would take as much time as necessary to think everything through, because its worth it.

2. Regarding her question about my mom sheltering me the answer is simple: JUST BECAUSE MY MOM DOES SOMETHING IT DOESNT MEAN SHE IS RIGHT. So in this case yes she shelters me BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANT. So this means i dont want my girlfriend to shelter either. SIMPLE PROOF: I left Sarah mainly BECAUSE Sarah sheltered me. This is the part I never told Anne (I framed it in a way that Sarah left me which is technically true but it only happened AFTER I avoided responding to Sarah for 3 months while we were still engaged and Sarah left me only BECAUSE of my lack of response) but I probably should have. The fact that I am preferring schools far away from home because my mom shelters me AND I effectively left Sarah because she did is a refutation of Anne concern that i supposedly want sheltering.

3. If she thinks I obsess about her because I cant get anyone else, she is mistaken. I had 7 girlfriends, 2 of them (Sarah and Megan) were before Anne and the other 5 (Andrea, Erin, Anita, Jennifer and Jax) after Anne. But in all 7 cases I was settling AND I KNEW IT. Anne is the one and only girl where I was NOT settling. Alright, to be fair, most of these girls were long distance and/or short term. But still, i can still count Sarah and Jennifer as 1 year and 2 year IN PERSON relationships respectively, BOTH included engagment. JENNIFER CAME INTO PICTURE LONG AFTER ANNE BUT DESPITE ALL THAT I STILL WANTED ANNE EVEN WHILE WITH JENNIFER. Also it is not the case of inability to take rejection. There were hundrids of girls that rejected me, but Anne is the only one I am still thinking about. So clearly I like HER (and I can name a list of 10 reasons why i do) and NOT just me being desperate!

I mean what is frustrating is that the above 3 items are so simple yet i just cant find a way of delivering that information to her. As it is right now she havent responded to the last 2 emails i sent her. Besides, i never touched upon the above issues in order not to scare her away. Instead I just tried talking about some completely unrelated things to get her to talk to me. So I guess if I were to bite the bullet and bring those things up then she would see me as manipulator since she will feel like i pretended to care about these other things because of my hidden agenda so to speak. So for that reason i am not even mentioning to her anythin gabout relationship much less the above 3 things

But still it is so frustrating. Like I know exactly what i WANT to say but I just cant find a situation that would allow me to say it. If only i could think a bit faster back in 2005 i would have said it back then it would have made things so much simpler. But unfortunately i didnt figure out what i wanted to say until oooops it became too late.