Are AS people more likely to mistake obsession for love?

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, I get obssesed with crushes and I use to connect that to being in love. I know better now. I don't think it's marginally an aspie trait. I do think that it can be linked to obssesive behavior. I know I have some of that. I think I'm getting better as I go along. My problem was and still sort of is of what love should be. These can be a mix of true and mythical ideas of what you consider love to be.

Although this had nothing to do with love, I think the movie The Fan is a good example with Robert Deniro. Maybe a little extreme but he puts all his focus and ideals into this one legend of his and then goes balistic because he wasn't what he expected. I think that can go the same for the so-called obssesion of love.

I think that's why marriages and fast relationships get screwed up because of each person's long held ideals, excitation of chemicals in the brain, lust, and euphoria. This is probably what contributes to this thought of being in love. But I think our culture might also be a little responsible for that. This doesn't mean I don't think there's no such thing as love between two ppl who are or get romantically involved. I have many members in my family who have set a good example of that for me. Even my mom and dad are still friends since their divorce which was 5 years back.

No one needs to agree with me on this, but I think besides attraction there needs to be some sort of platonic love or friendship before it gets serious. That's just my exalted opinion, it could change though. I'm still learning about the complications of informal relationships amongst the now-called Terrans (humans ).

I think that I get obsessed easily. I go for any attractive girl that comes my way. Regardless of if they like me, if they are friendly and hang around, I usually stay friends with them for a long time, as that attraction stays there, but always at a distance.

However, if they show me even the slightest response in interest, I tend to dive right in, head over heels, like super-obsessive. I would forget my own special interests and they would become my special interest. I used to push away girls that liked me even slightly, which was a big downer on me. Over time I grew to control it and back off, play hard to get etc.

But I still do it. I'm afraid that I may have done it with my wife, that I was so obsessed, and she reciprocated the obsession so much that we got married, and went nuts and now that its becoming more and more apparent that we are too different, its really hurting because we remember that obsession, but we keep making the same mistakes.

I don't know if I have ever really truly been in love, to the point where I can care about someone more than myself but still have the courage to say no to them, or do my special interests and be who I want to be, with them.

I tend to absorb everything they are, and be who they want me to be, forget my interests and sometimes even insult my interests to be with them. Then when the obsession starts wearing off I start longing for my special interests and usually my interests are now at odds with the relationship, but because of the time and the reciprocation of love or obsession, its hard not to want to impress them or make them feel good, even to my own detriment.

I dream of the day that I meet someone who I love with all my heart and soul, am attracted to physically and mentally, but can also play games with and be creative with, watch all my geeky shows with, and share philosophical tales over a campfire. Someone who is open minded and passionate about being their own person and spending time on their own, and me on my own, but we share our experiences and come together at the end of the day.

That would be my idea of true love, freedom, independance, understanding, attraction and fun, lots of fun I guess. hehe

Well, while I think Aspie's a prone to it, there's nothing I've seen that says NTs aren't just as bad. In fact, being the quite person I am, I tend to overhear a lot of conversations which has forced me to conclude that a lot of NTs my age haven't a clue what love even is, let alone mixing it up with obsession. Of course this is High School I'm talking about, so I'm probably getting a rather poor sample.

The L word keeps popping up in my thoughts about certain people, much to my annoyance. These days I know exactly what it is I'm going through, and for my brain to keep trying to sell this concept to me as the truth is getting increasingly irritating...

I don't mistaken obsession for love. When I am in love with someone, it becomes obsessive and I can not stop thinking about the person. The last time I was in love with someone was 10 years ago. And I still think about that person constantly.

Yeah, I mistook obsession for romance more than once before I learned about AS. Recently, I told a girl I've been hooking up with that I'm obsessed with her. She responded by suggesting we exchange numbers. We did, and we've firmly established that we are friends who make out but aren't in love.

Last edited by FigginOfDeath on 23 Mar 2008, 2:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think not, but if you would have asked me if their love for one can be an obsession then yes.

I had a girl once and when we broke up it took me forever to get over it (more then 4 years).

I've always been hesitant to call people obsessions love, actually, partly because everywhere I look I see NT's who barely know each other saying "I love you!" to each other. I've always tried to not underestimate that word.

well, at least i agree with you on that one. love without a friendship kind of attraction to a person seems to me like... i dont know... trying to drive a car without wheels. or better: driving a car without a ground being there, like, suspended in zero gravity.

veresae: good point about not underestimating the word. still, the cincident could sneak up when any kind of obsession is mistaken for love - needs to be a heavy kind of obsession, to mimick the intensity of love, of course, but one still could misinterpret things that way without the intent of underestimating the word.

Oh yes, I think it's quite possible. Let me tell you guys my own story:

As someone with AS, we all know it's difficult to make friends, and we mostly lack the social skills to make friends. I know I don't have any real friends. But I think I know how I make up for my lack of friends, and that is by being a bit of an attention-seeker. Wrong Planet - how appropriate, so it's like an "E.T. phone home" kind of scenario, with me trying to get the attention of any other AS or NT people to notice and appreciate me. So I enjoy being in the limelight.

And it's also very difficult to distinguish between an obsession and real love. I don't think I've ever fallen in love with someone....

I'll be honest, I think (other than for family) I only know what obsession is. I could explain to you for pages what obsession feels like, but love? I'd have trouble with a few sentences. I have felt love for family members, but as far as none-family people, it's predominantly obsessiveness.

I don't think I truely know love but I believe the meaning may have been somewhat diluted in society, being used to describe anything that people like a lot.
I won't use the word with a person unless I truely believe I mean it.

What a descriptive and accurate way of putting it Mark - diluted. Yes, the word "love" has definitely lost its true meaning in today's society, and people use it very flippantly. And I agree with you that it should only be used in the context of a serious relationship/marriage.

Obsession and Love are equal intensity to me, but also different. I did mistake an obsession for love once. I am paying that price now.

Hmm, might be true. Most women I've been with have been very obsessive and some even slightly psycopathic. I still have an old girlfriend stalking me, since three years now. I myself have never felt like I was in love. The only reason for having a girlfriend for me, has been because it is ''normal''.

Now, I just don't bother anymore. I don't like women, I don't like men, I don't like people or being in the vicinity of others. Sure, people look down on you and whisper behind your back. But why even care? Like a fellow addict once said; ''I spit on the crap above me in which you walk.''

I think I went a bit off topic now though, heh, thank goodness I can blame ADD.

I was obsessed with a woman for almost 6 years. It was a hard lesson for me to learn....the difference between obsession and love.