The Confidence Myth

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Well, even though I never hired a prostitute - in my case - I myself ponder to what extent is it worth treading on my personality and values to get along with certain girls as opposed to hiring a prostitute.
I'm most likely gonna start clubbing again soon. . . so I'll see what happens and what I feel like doing.

And I'm saying your advice is invalid or wrong... it's just not the advice I'm looking for... I'm not so much trying to "pick up chicks" in the NT fashion, I'm looking for a life partner, something most NT's don't do until they're 35, if they ever do...

That's where I'm at cross-purposes with the so-called "NT mindset". I don't want something that starts instantly (and then ends instantly as well), I want a relationship built to last...

Yeah, aloof is being indifferent. Being oblivious means not knowing what's going on...so how I was in middle school was pretty much "I don't know, and I don't care that I don't know."

Keep in mind this attitude also works better on teenage, or preteen girls that still have no idea what's going on. That might also account for why this worked for you in middle school.

Yea, to say romance is only about confidence is an extreme oversimplification. Love is actually so complicated that it's actually the one human emotion that can't be reproduced in a laboratory with any consistency.

You know ,you are right. I was always among the members who mocked about this NT vs AS mentality here and so I edited my post , I admit that was foolish.

But what's really annoying about his post is that he's using his wife as a .....trophy to miserably try to tease us with? This is sick.

Btw complex , why you are assuming that I am not going out with a girl ? =)

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 24 Mar 2008, 2:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, it is a rather NT thing to do... wives are one of those "status symbols" to most NT men, just like cars...

^^ she's so 'lucky' then =) , good for him. It's not a NT attitude....this is an arrogant attitude.

I've found that girls have responded much more favorably if I acknowledge the possibility of creepiness. Usually the girls that I'm attracted to are, well, attractive, so they get hit on ALL the TIME by guys and are often bloody sick of it, and get creeped out easily. So I always go, "...I really hope this isn't creepy or anything, and if it is, I'm really sorry." It shows that you're interested enough to say something AND that you're considerate to their feelings.

Confidence just means you're certain you can or cannot do something.

An example:

I'm confident that I'll never have a zillion dollars, but I'm confident that you can trust me with your life.

Ha! Tell that to all the Dilberts out there. All the hopelessly nerdy people who are not only competent, but technical geniuses in their fields. Some women find such men attractive, but not if those men have as little self-confidence / low self-esteem as Dilbert and those like him have. There are guys who actually complain to their girlfriends about how pathetic they (the guys) are! That's called un-selling yourself. Women don't like whiners, because constant whining is a telltale sign that the man cannot provide them which much in any department: sex, emotional strength she can share in, or success by any definition.

And sometimes, the guy has the perfect ingredients already in motion to find and merge with his perfect mate -- he just hasn't waited long enough. It takes years to find the right one for you. I turned 29 right around the time I found the right girl for me -- my perfect fit. The first time I got married (age 21), everyone said I was too young. No one would say that now. Now is a perfect age for me to get ready to settle down.

Age has given me a calm perspective I never thought I could have. When I was younger, yes I had more physical energy, but I was emotionally jittery and I burned-out quickly when attempting to accomplish a difficult goal in life. But now, I have an inner solidarity that grounds me to reality, and I'm not hopelessly nervous like I used to be. I think the best women respect quiet confidence in men, not the brash or outlandish demonstrations of it associated mostly with teenage behavior. They want a man so confident he feels no need to show it. And ladies who have real inner maturity will be able to spot that quiet confidence from a mile away.

QFT

No, his point is that he may know a little more about what women want, since he has one of his own. Any bragging that may or may not be present in Complex's comment is beside the point, and shouldn't be allowed to distract you from the issue: The guys with the women may have a better clue as to what women like in men.

But to my earlier point about guys who ARE doing everything right to find their woman, and need only patience to complete the equation to find her, society is wrong to consider men who are single for many years as ineligible bachelors. As in, "You must be doing something wrong, or else you wouldn't be single for so long." Wrong. Sometimes you're doing everything right, but the right girl has simply not yet come along. In that case, "Wait for it", and she'll get there eventually. In the meantime, fill your lifestyle with worthwhile hobbies, and just keep your eyes open for her in the meantime. Can it be really, really difficult to endure this wait period? Yes. But I endured it, and now my girl and I have finally found each other.

http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2007/04 ... onfidence/

That is a very dangerous lie, if you believe it. It directly implies and recommends lack of taking personal responsibility for oneself. The idea that others have been denying you your happiness, and that you therefore need them to allow you to be happy. That is complete and total hashish!

If you phychosomatically hand others the keys to your happiness -- if you convince yourself that that's the way it works -- you've given others the power to decide whether you're going to be miserable or not! You are actually becoming their emotional slave of your own free will. It's completely insane. This should be known as "The Loser's Defense."

This guy quoted sounds like the wet blanket of the century. Mr. Doom 'n Gloom. Who needs him? Practicing his ideas will make you feel better in the short run, and worse in the long run, because his ideas give you the following:
1. A sense of nobility, as the innocent one who has been wronged by others. (But who among us is innocent, and has never wronged someone else?)
2. A sense of entitlement, that others owe you your due emotional health, and are maliciously and effectively withholding it from you.
But in the end, it leaves you permanently in a sense of:
3. Powerlessness, because you've become convinced that you are a slave to others who may not even be aware of this strange concept, nor give a rat's ass.

So, plain and simply, this is the victim mentality: the emotional bondange which has kept so many people who view themselves as hopelessly underprivileged from reaching their full potentials -- which would be to shine brightly in their uniqueness in life, and likely earn the respect of others as a matter of course. Such fully-flowered potentials would bear no resemblance to the sad-sacks who are still sitting in the corners of their rooms writing, singing, and perhaps even publishing tales of personal woe all the live-long day! Good grief, Charlie Brown!