Are you in need of constant reassurance?

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Thagomizer wrote

I dunno. Do I come off as needing constant reassurance? I know I feel like I do sometimes and it's probably annoying. Am I annoying like that? Does anyone here think I'm really annoying like that? If I am I'm really sorry but I'm not sure. I hope I'm not all whiny and insecure. I hope I'm not. Am I?

I cant tell are you joking or being serious?

You mean I'm not being clear? Is it just this post that's unclear, or am I unclear all the time? Am I doomed to live a life where nobody understands me? That would be horrible. Even if you don't understand me, will you still be my friend?

Please?

I'll buy you gum. If you'll be my friend, I mean. Or even just not tell me how ugly I am. I know I'm ugly. Do you think I'm ugly? Can you at least look me and swallow the vomit rising in your throat, or am I projectile-ugly and you can't hold back?

Oh god, I hate myself.

Try not to diss yourself that gets you nowhere.I like you alot and I think you ar cool.Try to look at your positive,good qualities instead of what you might call your bad qualities.Also,if you ever need to talk about something you can talk to me.

-SpaceCase

Is it really that hard to tell when I'm joking? Do I honestly come off as this insecure all the time? Am I too sarcastic and tongue-in-cheek all the time? I'm just dying inside and trying to hide the "real me" because I'm afriad nobody can really like the "real Serissa." OH GOD I'M SO DEPRESSED.

Please god let people start to assume I'm joking at some point soon, I can't keep this up much longer.

LOL thats what I thought. Just wasnt sure.

Well, I will try to be honest with you. I too, was very much like this. In my mind, my soul-mate would have been this physically strong and attractive woman, with a gentle, motherly personality. And, like you, I wanted her to protect me. I thought I would spread her legs, crawl into her womb, curl up into the fetal position, and sleep forever.

But I've discovered that the sooner you divorce from this fantasy the better. Men protect weak women; we're expected to. But women do not protect weak men. On the contrary, they despise them. If there exists a girl for you who will give you the affection and praise you seek, she will be (at most) your equal, or inferior to you. In either case, you will have to be her safe haven nearly as much. If she is truly your soulmate you will be able to do this in a way no other can.

Love is not a lottery, where you can invest a little and hope to get a lot back eventually. Instead, you invest a lot, thinking not of what you'll get back (because sometimes you'll get less than you put in), but only how good it feels to give.

And remember that, as Bertrand Russell once said, love seems to find those who don't appear to be seeking it.

Keep this up, and someone will have to spank you.

THAT WAS SEXUAL HARASSMENT!

Which doesn't bother me, but honestly, you couldn't thing of something more creative???

*spanks Serissa*

That sums me up pretty much perfectly. Of course, I realize that it's a weakness and have accepted the fact that most girls are turned off by it. I am trying to harden myself a little as a result, and I think I have had some success, but there will always be a part of me that needs reassurance. And, what can I say - I love physical affection.

When I've discussed (need to be conatantly reassured) w/my counselor, she brings up issue of object constancy. One of those developmental stages that humans move through as kids, except that I'm stuck on this point. How do I know what I supposedly haven't gotten ?
When I'm alone, in the here & now, it feels like I can't cope with all this time-even knowing that in future my isolation will be alleviated at regular intervals. Can't comfort/soothe/calm self, need other person to help me form positive feeling/action towards self. Sounds pathetic & addictive, so am always asking for reassurance from counselor that I'm not choosing to be dependent-it's the best I can do for the moment.
Physical affection from the significant person in my life holds me together temporarily. I'm utterly miserable when w/o an intimate relationship. Was more needy when younger, but didn't have the resources back then to get (social and/or professional) help. Within our civilization, non-sexual physical contact isn't appreciated as valuable, it seems-which is too bad. Sometimes a big warm hug is the right answer, yet it's tougher to find someone to share that with.