Advantageous Traits of Aspies in Romantic Relationships?

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A direct honesty.
No mind games!

that made me laugh i would do that sort of thing lol

The pro, followed by the con... sigh.
I am almost painfully honest... the only upside is that I don't get offended when others are the same (don't give it if you can't take it).

Though, I will state that I'd rather have the painful honesty than all the freakin' confusion...

But being with an NT person is hard because they are thinking of you as being NT and not realizing there's a new playbook and your confusion can be read as a mind game or being dramatic when you're really lost in space... So all the pluses are only pluses if the person realizes that you're different... Sigh. I recently lost someone romantically because of this... I thought maybe having the vocabulary would help... but we'll see. I only told him 2 days ago... he hasn't responded yet.

I prefer total honesty, even about attractions to other people, how bad my clothes look and everything else - I spend so much energy figuring out what people mean (cos it usually isn't what they say) that it's hard to be close to someone who isn't extremely honest. If I'm constantly thinking about possible interpretations and implicatures, I end up worried about their interpretation of my words, and I start mimicking and trying to say what they want me to rather than being honest myself, which only leads to the friendship/relationship being more trouble than it's worth.

I have had one super-honest relationship, and there were a lot of big loud fights, but they all went away very quickly too - I much prefer this to having outward peace, but constantly being on edge.

I wish my ex-guy could understand this... very well stated.

Less likely to cheat. That antisocial tendency that makes it difficult to get through to us also makes it difficult for others as well. Once in a relationship it will be even harder for others to get through. If the tendency to use the wrong spoon at dinner can be ignored, then the rewards to the patient and understanding partner can be great.

What I liked about a very good AS man I dated:

-When he took the time to seriously say something loving to me I could tell he really ment it truely with his whole heart and being

-very unassuming

-gentle

-strong Faith

-somehow I always knew how much he cared about me even when he wouldn't show it

What I did not like:

-being ignored/avoided

-when he didn't acknowledgement my feelings when I was hurt especially if it was him that hurt me, and no apology or attempt to make things better

All I have to add is logical but I think that's there already.

See, I don't mind if he's honest with me in ways that I may not like or appreciate, but in a way it's a bit like constructive critisism so it's like he can tell me honestly what our realtionship may need to work on and I tend to speak my mind quite a bit so it works both ways, yes it might piss us off at times but then we each relize well, if we work on these things maybe it will bring us even closer together and so far it has worked. I love that my boyfriend is honest it helps me go on with life knowing that I can constantly improve on things!

The ultimate advantage to having AS in terms of romance is actually a blessing in disguise: the simple fact that you WILL turn off so many people. Reason being you're turning off ALL THE WRONG ONES

The RIGHT ONE won't be turned off- he/she will be drawn to you regardless.

In fact, after I came to the realization that my co-worker( now my girlfriend for over two months) was interested in me, I kept thinking "ok, this ALWAYS turns 'em off- no way I'm gonna keep her once I do this". I talked a lot about stuff I was into. She stayed. I said really awkward, stupid things. She stayed. She saw my temper. She stayed. I told her how hyper I can be. She stayed.

You name any awkward Aspie thing we all do that turns all the wrong ones off, believe me I pulled it off with her- and she's STILL THERE...cause SHE'S THE RIGHT ONE

That's the biggest advantage of AS in terms of romance- HAVING IT!

This is most rational, Doctor. But how do you find the "right one" if there even IS a "right one"? What if your AS gives you an obsession (FPS games in my case) which turns off 99.99999999% of the female population?

The idea that there's "someone for everyone" is a superstitious crock of doo-doo.

I don't know if that is a good way to judge it since even in unhealthy relationships many women stay.

It seems like factors like if it's NT/AS, AS/AS, and what gender is which would play into things.

-Frank

You just answered your own question- you mentioned the AS giving an obsession that turns off 99.999999999% of the female population. Well, you DIDN'T say 100%- take note of that!

Well said, Cyberman. I will write a long post sometime in the near future debunking the whole soul mate myth once and for all.

That still doesn't address my question of how to locate the "right one"... since that person isn't necessarily living in the same town... they could be on the other side of the world and not even have internet access. And "99.99999999%" was just a rough estimate. For all I know, it could be 100%... it's somewhere in that range. What I'm saying is that having Asperger's can exponentially reduce your chances of being compatible with someone. Even lot's of NT's are incompatible with anyone. Maybe AS does help some people weed out the right ones, but I think that for a lot of us, it just cancels out all possible relationships. Am I wrong? I wish I was, but I doubt it.


What I don't get is that there is no statistical data to support this myth, and yet people believe it anyway. In fact, there's a lot more evidence to disprove it. If everyone is unique, how could that many people have "soulmates"?