Living with singleness (and liking it)

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I have the same feeling. But the truth is that all that money, time, freedom, etc etc can't replace that feelingf of going to sleep with your arms wrapped around your loved one. I think most people are hard-wired to need that kind of company and intimacy, to have that one person who you can share everything with, who you never want to let go of. I know I want that. being single sucks, I can't make it any less painful I`m afraid, but I`m in the same boat and so are a lot of people.

It's illegal for a woman to be paid less than a man for the same job. The pay difference must be the result of men and women not doing the same jobs. Do women feel inhibited from developing their talents because earning too much money would reduce their available dating pool?

I have a simple theory (just a theory) that men value women for looks, women value men for salary. Thus men are motivated to earn more so they can attract better looking women. Women want to look better so they can attract higher wage earners.

But there's more to it than that. A man doesn't want to look better than the best looking woman he can attract for his salary (insofar as the attractiveness of men and women are comparable). A woman doesn't want to earn more than the highest earning man she can attract with her looks. Thus a man's attention to his appearance will be limited by his socioeconomic status, and a woman's career aspirations will be limited by her percieved attractiveness.

Does this mean women will always earn less than men, and men will always be uglier than women?

A healthy, attractive man with no money is in the same boat as an ugly woman with a lot of money. The good things they have are nice, but they're not what the other team is looking for. That's the game, like it or not. Men must expand their interests beyond video games and earn some money if they want to have any market value and negotiating power.

Last edited by sgrannel on 28 Apr 2008, 3:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well, evolutionist studies indicates that there are more good-looking women than good-looking men.


I once launched a poll for women asking 'would you care if you earn more than your husband/bf?'

Most voted for 'yes' , a girl commented 'I would feel weird If I earn more than my guy'.

So if women are really earning less then maybe it's because of this inferiority complex ...this is what holding them back, females will always be the 2nd-rate gender in business unless if they stop thinking that their bf/husbands should earn more than them and must be more successful than them. Blaming it all on men is too easy but that what most feminists do.

sinboldy is an example of these women who have such inferiority complex , that's why she thinks that she can't pick ANY guy because she needs to pick a guy who earn good money since ,according to her delusional belief, she can only earn 60% of what guys earn so she needs a good lucrative guy that can make up her low salary. She simply doesn't have faith in herself and her capabilities and doesn't believe that she can be financially satisfied and independent without a guy's salary.How pity.

Have you tried Online dating?

Other than that I feel the Exact same way that you do Cyberman . What really bothers the Sh1t out of me is that while I have met many persons through online dating-these last 3-4 weeks have been a digital DOLDRUM . I havent really had anyone message me though Ive messaged other persons...all to no avail. Is it common for things like that to happen in the world of online dating????

In the magic land of online dating it really isn't uncommon at all for the majority of your messages to not be replied to. If 1 out of 5 people you message replies that's pretty good. Basically what happens is people only message back if they're interested as well. It's nothing you should take personally, its just part of the "culture" of online dating.

To the OP. I'll let you know if I ever figure out how to stop the nagging loneliness. I have the same problem, but haven't found a complete solution. I mean I've accepted that I'll be single for the rest of my life, but that doesn't stop the occasional bouts of loneliness. They come and go, and I've found that the best thing, when I'm in the middle of one, is just to keep doing things I enjoy. Doesn't completely fix it, but the bouts are much easier to bear when I'm distracted. I have no idea how to stop them entirely though.

As to the benefits of being single, that's not to discount the deficits of loneliness. Loneliness is there whether you want it to be or not. Not just in the still of your place when only you are in it or in bed at night as the silence and aches and pains we all get remind you that you aren't getting any younger either. In the office, in the car, when sitting with friends, when sitting with family, in a crowded room, from the cradle to the grave loneliness is always there. Logical benefits to being single can take the edge off and make it bearable and that's all I'm really suggesting by pointing it out. You cope with the loneliness however you have to because it's not your imagination and it's not going away. However bad it may feel, being in a bad relationship would be worse and if you want to know how that's possible, believe me, I can tell you volumes on the subject.

-Frank

Thanks, I'm glad some of you understand what I'm going through, and I'm sorry that you're having to go through it too.

Exactly... It's weird, but I can't even go to sleep unless I'm hugging a pillow. I guess it's like I have conflicting programming... part of me is wants to avoid interactions with other people as much as possible, but the other part wants companionship and intimacy. If I were a computer, I'd be a burning pile of metal by now.


No, but after what people have said about its ineffectiveness (including your comment), I don't see much point in trying. Plus, as far as "making the first move", it's probably the same as in real life -- guy asks the woman, and he gets rejected 99.99% of the time. That's one reason why I'll never have enough confidence to ask.


Thanks. That's exactly what I do when I'm playing computer games... I get distracted enough to take my mind off the loneliness. I can't do it all the time, though. It's the worst when I have to go to bed.


Well, I guess I'm screwed no matter what (and I don't mean in a good way.)

As to being screwed no matter what...that's basically the conclusion that I've come to for myself, except that there is perhaps a glimmer of hope in aspie women. I'm not saying my chances, or possibly yours, go from none to likely with an aspie woman, but none to slim seems reasonable. The enhanced honesty, rationality, and lack of expectation of either party to register emotions of the other, generally speaking, solves lots of problems.

-Frank

How do you think your mother got even close to equity in pay but for the generation that went before makeing less than the men? I am glad your mother benefited from my generation making the sacrifices and struggle it took from confronting people with your mentality on the subject. It seems you are woefully ignorant of how she got equity.

and if you think "oh, that was history" think again.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/uc/20080425/cm_ ... /op_395938

Merle

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late
===================================
The best advice I can give is find something to kill the sex drive,
I used to smoke a LOT of pot to do this, it worked fairly good,
I cant do that now, I got a child to think about,
I at least have him and that helps fill that void in my life,
the relationship that brought him into being only lasted a couple years,
and quite frankly, after the first 4 months the relationship started to suck
due to hypocrisy and selfishness of the other, everything became one sided,
I found girls have little pationce with men dealing with working on relationships,
its too easy for them to replace the male, even though the male may be doing the best he can.

"Live the dream. Other people just water down the experience."

The only other advice I can give is this,
If by chance you do get a girl prego,
do EVERYTHING right to/with/for that child,
don't expect the relationship to last,
work on it and hope and dream and enjoy it while it lasts,
don't phuck-up with legal stupidity, and the first hint or sign of things
starting to go down hill start keeping book of all her error and hope you
never have to use them, goto the doctor/school/H&W/etc/etc appointments for the child,
involve your self in everything, let others see you with your child,
become that primary care giver and care taker, let others see this.
then when things go down hill fight with all your heart to keep that child,
cause she wont be vary nice when the time comes, forget promises,
they lie until they are ready to do things their way, girls seem to think they have more rights to a child then the male,
Hope for the best, prepair for the worst,
relationships ASP-v-NT or ASP-v-Asp, neather seem to last long unless your damn lucky.

Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 27 Apr 2008, 8:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What I was REALLY complaining about was NOT that messages I send arent getting a reply; its that Im Not RECEIVING any new messages from girls and havent been for a few weeks So wassup with that? Like I said Im in the DIGITAL DATING DOLDRUMS.....

Being 43 and still single I have a few thoughts.

I've come to the place where I am alone, but not miserable being alone. I've tried to have relationships and my timing is either off, or I am attracted to women who are wrong for me and have as much difficulty with relationships as I have. I would rather be alone than be miserable in the wrong relationship.

Part of my problem has been having unreasonable, perfectionist standards, and in the grand scheme of things they really don't matter. I wish I had gotten over the perfectionism two decades ago.

Do things you enjoy and that interest you and don't compare yourself to others your age. You are developing how you need to develop, and measuring yourself to what guys your age have or can do is counter-productive. You need to do and be who you are. I'm usually okay with myself until someone else brings up my singleness - I've leaned to ignore the comments but it took a long time.

Live in the moment and don't over-analyze events when it comes to romance and dating. Relationships are usually not so tidy, and being honest and open will, in the long run, be better for you than trying to hide or be someone you are not.

Z

The way I see it, the trick to finding a good balance is to passively seek a relationship. Actively seeking a relationship leaves you feeling dejected and drains your energy. Take advantage of potential relationship building situations when they present themselves, but otherwise focus on keeping yourself happy.

Stopping your search in your mid twenties is foolish. You potentially have alot of life left in you, and alot of chances to find love, even if it is slim. Keep the proverbial sensor probe out, but ultimately don't let your search consume you.

You only get one shot at life, make your goal to take as much happiness as you can from it and give as little back as possible. Everyone else is doing it, and whilst it would be noble to live life as a kind, gentle, lonely and miserable soul, on your dying day i'm sure you'll regret that philosophy.

I would think it more likely that on your dying day you will simply be happy that the pointless stupid struggle of life can end and you can finally have the peace the unending loneliness hath long denied you. Nobody freak out, I'm not advocating suicide, simple agreeing with Freud, whom I will quote as saying, "What good is a long life to us if it is hard, joyless and so full of suffering that we can only welcome death as a deliverer?"

Also, I would propose that stopping your search in your mid twenties is NOT foolish. On the contrary, it will reduce your stress level greatly from not having to deal with ever so much drama and irrationality.

-Frank