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idealsing crushes

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06 May 2008, 1:22 am

JohnHopkins wrote:
Jainaday wrote:
I think sometimes you can see the bad things, and think, "but that's something I could deal with well. ."


But isn't that in itself idealising? 'Even the bad stuff about her I can deal with'?

If you do this... you are stupid. I have done this myself, and it turned out bad in the end. I know a guy who married a girl like this... she cheated on him, and they are getting a divorce.



Jainaday
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06 May 2008, 2:14 am

Everybody has bad stuff. When selecting a mate, it makes sense to look for someone who'se bad stuff falls more in the realm of what you personally are willing and able to deal with.

Here are some examples of what I mean.


Bad stuff I can deal with includes:
-some emotional instability
-an extremely high degree of general geekyness, near complete lack of functionality in large-group social settings
-an extrordanarily f****d up family/personal background
-not having completely sorted out their direction in life

Bad stuff I can/will not deal with includes:
-physical violence
-an attitude of entitlement to my body
-not having Any direction in life


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ToadOfSteel
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06 May 2008, 8:45 pm

It usually takes me a month of constant contact (and expressed interest in me) before I start to love a woman... this tends to weed out the more superficial women because they lose interest long before I gain interest in them...