What is my main obstacle?

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By "model citizen", I meant that I respect everyone's beliefs, and try to avoid generalizing as much as I can. I try to conduct myself on here (and in real life) in a constructive manner. I think this thread is a good example of being constructive in that the message was to find out how I could improve myself in this issue.

I see others post a bunch of mindless, sexist trash, with titles like "All women are possessed by the devil", and I use those threads as a reminder of how not to conduct myself.

Yet I still feel ignored and hated on here.

I dont hate you, as a matter fact i have started to like you, coincidentaly i was thinking of you just the other day and looked through a few of your posts and it is for the very qualities that you fear are getting you nowhere. It is like honesty, it takes forever to pay off, i started to think "where is this honesty getting me" in a cynical moment and not long after that door started to open for me that would have remained shut (and invisible!) otherwise.

yours

mana l i t w is t

Thanks!

I do know that pretending to be someone else, or sacrificing everything I stand for would be a big mistake. Even if I did meet someone that way, there would be a lot of resentment later on.

To much time on WP, not enough time in the real world maybe.

I am specifically looking for other Aspies, and I don't know where else I am going to meet them.

Well the problem with AS, is that males out number females. Also most females seem to be bi, also it will be hard to find one near you.
I'd try other things as well as WP. I'm doing online dating, but even that is hard work.

I'm in the same boat as you, so not sure how to help you. It isn't an easy process for anybody.

Being an unemployed, 28-year-old hipster in Texas is pretty much a kiss of death.

"Hipster" isn't a label I really want, though.

My main issues are that the only places I really go are school and church (I also work at my church). My school, being a tech university/engineering school, has very few women around, especially in the IT field. Also, since I only go in for classes (which is all I have time for), I don't really get to interact with anyone outside of class. As for church, everyone there is either under 18 or over 30.

So yeah, my problem is lack of any potential women in my own age range... That and my tendency for reverse-attraction (taking a long time to become attracted, but once it forms, it steadily gets stronger)

Even though the school I will be attending this fall is in Austin, the only liberal city in Texas, there are no like-minded Aspies either there or San Antonio, which is also close by, who are single.

I am willing to travel to other states and even other countries to meet someone I can truly connect with.

I feel the same way Tim. Aspie or not, I'll go anywhere someone I connect to is. There sure isn't anyone around here, that I've meet anyway.

Also, I was reading the earlier posts and I just have to say that being different can be something that makes us as aspies attractive. Think about it, most of these macho, hunk guys act exactly the same. I imagine girls at some point get tired of that. They probably want a guy that is different and rare. If you act like yourself and not everyone else, you may just be surprised at what some women may be thinking about you.

Yet finding a similarly-minded Aspie who will also be receptive to the distance/traveling issue (assuming there aren't any who are local) will be nearly impossible.

It doesn't matter to me whether she is an aspie or not. What matters to me is that we have a connection and we understand and love each other. I think my biggest problem would probably be knowing when to give them space and not taking things too fast.

Tim,
I am sorry you feel hated here. I know there are people here who hate me, so I know the feeling.

I can think of several barriers.
1. Do you think that once a woman shows any interest in you, you're no longer interested? Like you're not worthy of them if they're interested?
2. Texas, as far as I know, is the land of fake women. Maybe geographically you're screwed.
3. Honestly, being unemployed is the kiss of death regarding women. I am in a five year old relationship with a guy who was employed when I met him, and has not been good at bringing much money in to the household, but I put up with that because he tolerates me. But had he been unemployed when I met, well, I wouldn't have even met him.

I lucked out. I went on match.com on a lark, put in the EXACT criteria for "the perfect guy" for me, and he popped up.

Why would anybody hate Tim. Tim is a great chap.

I can see where your priorities are..

Being totally yourself and being brutally honest can be a bit much for some people when you first meet them. It is definitely the NT way.
That does not mean that you should try to be someone you are not but that you could try to tone it down a bit on the first meeting. It takes a while to get to know someone. By the second or third date you can open up more but it easy to be put off by brutal honesty from someone you have only just met.




I agree with most of that. But, It is not about pretending to someone that you not but about presenting yourself in the best light. Those guys are probably making the right eye contact, listening as well as talking, presenting the right body language, etc. If you are not showing the correct non verbal signals you could be silently telling people to "go away, I'm not interested". Don't throw away everything that you learned from your test.

Confidence is very important when it comes to how people perceive you. If someone does not seem comfortable with him/herself then they may look like a lot of work. That can put people off on the first meeting. Once they get to know him/her they may feel that they are worth it, but first impressions can often kill the deal. Sometimes you do need to pump yourself up, remind yourself how great you are, that you are as good as anyone. A good run or gym workout can be great for this. (and good shower afterwards )

If Daewoodrow 'loathes' those guys it is probably because they are over doing it and coming across as over confident or arrogant. But a little confidence is good even if you do have to fake it. Everyone does at times.


@LePetitPrince: If someone thinks first about the money and position then that is not really the person that you want.
Cash may get you dates but won't be enough to get you the person who is right for you.
More money is always nice though