The "Just be yourself" lie

Page 2 of 2 [ 22 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Rack
Snowy Owl

Joined: 18 Feb 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 149

19 Jul 2008, 1:26 am

I think the problem is that as aspies we're more likely to take "Just be yourself" too literally, and think that they are saying as long as we don't try and put on a facade we'll be okay. But really it means get a well paying job, go work out at the gym, learn to be witty, pretend you're interested in whatever she likes and wear whatever mask you feel comfortable with, just don't try and fake a whole personality.

crackedpleasures
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Oct 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,367
Location: currently Belgium, longing for the Middle East

19 Jul 2008, 1:09 pm

Cyberman wrote:

crackedpleasures wrote:

Cyberman wrote:

crackedpleasures wrote:

Just don't focus too much on "I never had a girlfriend" (I haven't neither by the way). It is not a race against the clock, just be patient and sooner or later she will be there, probably even when you least expect it.

And that brings us to another completely illogical BS piece of advice which I keep hearing... "Oh don't worry... just be patient... you'll find that special someone someday." I'm sorry, but I really don't believe that... I see it as over-optimistic thinking (if you can call it "thinking.") Many Aspies are just not designed to be compatible with others... not ALL, but MANY. Sometimes you can fix that, but sometimes you can't. However, I strongly agree with you that having a "love-life" isn't worth going against who you are.

Maybe, but do you rather just stay optimistic and hopeful, or do you rather just swamp yourself in self-pity by thinking you are never going to experience real love anyway? I prefer the first option.

I choose the third option: getting over it. Being "optimistic" against all reality is denial. If instead of moving on, you continue to hope for unrealistic goals, then you'll only be disappointing yourself over and over again. That causes more pain than giving up.

It is only denial if you somehow feel you have no chance to realise your goal. I never had that feeling personally. I unfortunately lost many years due to severe OCD keeping me from even talking to the average woman. Since I got past that stage I am step by step taking my life back in my hands. I am only normalising things for about 4 years now, so who am I to say things are hopeless after such a short time and knowing more progress is very likely to happen?

If you want something, you can make it happen. About 5 years ago people said I was crazy for wanting to travel despite my issues. By now I have realised that dream and continue to do so. If I had listened to all those saying "you cannot do this or that" then I would have not realised what I have done by simply believing in myself.

_________________
Do what Thou wilt shal be the whole of the Law.
Love is the Law, Love under Will. And...
every man and every woman is a star
(excerpt from The Book of the Law - Aleister Crowley)

"Od lo avda tikvateinu" (excerpt from the Israeli hymn)

Cyberman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,736
Location: hibernating

19 Jul 2008, 1:41 pm

crackedpleasures wrote:

If you want something, you can make it happen. About 5 years ago people said I was crazy for wanting to travel despite my issues. By now I have realised that dream and continue to do so. If I had listened to all those saying "you cannot do this or that" then I would have not realised what I have done by simply believing in myself.

The goal we're talking about is different and more complex than other goals because it's about finding a person, not a thing. It won't necessarily happen, no matter how strong your will power is. And while it might happen for some people, it's going to take a lot of hard work to achieve no matter what. So saying "Be patient, it'll happen someday" is BS, because it's not going to happen by waiting around for it, like Rynok said.

SIXLUCY
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Jul 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 575

19 Jul 2008, 1:48 pm

I just be myself I dont know who else to be

Men say "Im such an actress" and "why do you act stupid when I know that your not really stupid" >

> this really hurts my feelings because I didnt think I was being stupid

crackedpleasures
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Oct 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,367
Location: currently Belgium, longing for the Middle East

19 Jul 2008, 5:44 pm

Cyberman wrote:

crackedpleasures wrote:

With the intention that nothing is going to happen, sure nothing will happen. Nobody is attracted towards negativity. Obviously nobody has guarantees that things will work out, but often they will as long as you keep a positive attitude and are prepared to invest time in it. And even if things don't work out, you have still had hope to hold on to rather than having dwelled in negative feelings.

pakled
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 12 Nov 2007
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,015

19 Jul 2008, 10:33 pm

y'see..this is what happens once these get a few pages too long...

Someone said they were fed up with JBY -just be yourself.
Also, this is something of a forum where we discuss problems. Offer advice. Try to figure out each other.

How many 'guess how many times I got laid this week?' postings do we see?

so, ya takes your chances when you post something in the forum. You get free advice, and sometimes it's worth every penny you paid...

So you get two opinions (mainly); either 'improve your self' or 'improve your image'. But I could be wrong.

Page 2 of 2 [ 22 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Jump to:

The "Just be yourself" lie Post Reply New Topic

The "Just be yourself" lie