Staying Single: Why do people look down on it?

Page 2 of 4 [ 53 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

cruachan
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Hungary

28 Jul 2008, 1:47 am

Since love doesn't exist, but sexual instinct unfortunately prevails after the emergence of human consciousness as well, singleness is often the best choice for people with low sex drives or a good income (so they can pay professionals), but I think it's not an option for people with higher-than-average sex drives (many of them aspies) and not enough money to pay for services, to live without an outlet.

(Love, n. 1. Sexual attraction, which is so strong that it can act as a rationale for all self-ignoring or self-destructive behaviors. Essentially, an override of self-preservation by species preservation. Also called "romantic ~". 2. A hypothetical >emotion which would force individuals to genuinely care for each other, ignoring both self- and species preservation, and mutually agree in every thought, opinion and decision as if they were parts of one individual - without a sense of that being forced. The existence of such emotional or behavioral phenomena is highly improbable, to say the least.)


_________________
"...unless you have a morbid fear of dying."


Cyberman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,736
Location: hibernating

28 Jul 2008, 2:02 am

cruachan wrote:
Since love doesn't exist, but sexual instinct unfortunately prevails after the emergence of human consciousness as well, singleness is often the best choice for people with low sex drives or a good income (so they can pay professionals), but I think it's not an option for people with higher-than-average sex drives (many of them aspies) and not enough money to pay for services, to live without an outlet.

Rubbish. Sexual urges can be satisfied through masturbation. However, loneliness isn't sexual, and it cannot be dealt with in this way, unfortunately.



sojournertruth
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2007
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 253

28 Jul 2008, 2:21 am

^^^
agree.
It's loneliness that drives us to seek other humans, not sex; a basic physical release can be had quite easily by oneself.

Unfortunately, many of us lean far more towards the solitude of the solitude<---->companionship need continuum - we need companionship, but not nearly as much or as often as NTs, and we need more solitude than NTs. So if we're going to have a good relationship, we need to find someone with similar needs for both. Since all AS are 1/150 of the population, and Aspies are a fraction of that, the odds are not with us.

The closest I have come to bone-deep being in love was with another Aspie, but unfortunately he needed even more solitude and less contact than I do. Singleness is better than a relationship where one or both people are a burden to the other.



cruachan
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Hungary

28 Jul 2008, 2:48 am

Cyberman wrote:
Sexual urges can be satisfied through masturbation.


Yes, to an extent. But there's still a feeling of "something's not right" when there's only that. And there is a chance that one becomes desensitized by the rote movement.


_________________
"...unless you have a morbid fear of dying."


Cyberman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,736
Location: hibernating

28 Jul 2008, 9:04 am

cruachan wrote:
But there's still a feeling of "something's not right" when there's only that.

What do you mean? Maybe it's not as "exciting" as the real thing, but it works, and that's all that matters. Having a sex drive is not a justification for a human to use other people for sex, as you seem to be implying.



LePetitPrince
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,464

28 Jul 2008, 9:06 am

the need of a gf is a social need and a physical need.



cruachan
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Hungary

30 Jul 2008, 12:23 pm

Cyberman wrote:
Having a sex drive is not a justification for a human to use other people for sex, as you seem to be implying.


All of the lucky people who actually aren't single use each other for sex. No matter what they do in addition to that, but they use their partners for also that purpose. (Common examples of those additional things include, but are not limited to housework, facilitation [as in working against exec. dysfunction], financial purposes.)


_________________
"...unless you have a morbid fear of dying."


youknowandy
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 17
Location: Twin Cities, Minnesota

31 Jul 2008, 9:49 am

people who are married and are in a relationship who are miserable see single people and are jealous and don't think it is right for you not to have to go through what they're going through. if they're in a good relationship, they feel sorry for single people. (i don't really know what i'm talking about, just felt like saying that)



Space
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,082

31 Jul 2008, 5:58 pm

It's mainly societal pressure. For younger people (<30) I think there isn't so much pressure to be in a relationship, but at least dating and sex. If you don't do either, then you are really looked down upon.



Rynok
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jun 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 158

31 Jul 2008, 9:00 pm

I can not visit with my family without getting crap about being single.
I can barely go a week at work without hearing about it. (and I've told them many times about the fact that I can't make someone want to be with me and how I haven't gotten lucky and met a "nice girl to settle down with")

They feel sorry for me, and I don't want to talk about it but if I say that, or act like that, they will know it is annoying to me and want to push my buttons further.

You tell someone your single (or they find out), and you get grilled for it.
You tell them you just got divorced and what do they say? "I'm sorry" and then they shut-up. The newly-divorced is just as single as I am, but they don't get the same grilling as I do, and it is extremely lame.
The only difference is that "They are going through an emotionally trying time" (as if being single isn't emotional) and "At least they found someone previously".

The way I see it, I am seen as "broken" because I haven't randomly stumbled upon a girl that I would be willing to spend my life with day in and day out, sleep next to every night, and have sex/start a family with.

crauchan wrote:
All of the lucky people who actually aren't single use each other for sex. No matter what they do in addition to that, but they use their partners for also that purpose. (Common examples of those additional things include, but are not limited to housework, facilitation [as in working against exec. dysfunction], financial purposes.)

Even if I had a maid, prostitute, lawn mowing crew, secretary, and butler...I would want to get married.
Marriage isn't about "obtaining services from your partner".



cruachan
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Hungary

01 Aug 2008, 5:23 am

Rynok wrote:
Even if I had a maid, prostitute, lawn mowing crew, secretary, and butler...I would want to get married.
Marriage isn't about "obtaining services from your partner".

Except in a marriage, all these crewpeople are in one person. That makes us think wives/husbands/life partners are so valuable because do so many things for us... sometimes even for nothing. (Take my mom for example, who had a job, raised me, cooked dinner, cleaned the flat, and in the early years even slept with dad [obviously, that's how I'm here], and what she got for that? nothing. so she realized two years ago how one-sided this relationship was, and kicked the resident alcoholic out of our home.)
At the beginning, there might be illusions about something "more" - but time will teach both partners...


_________________
"...unless you have a morbid fear of dying."


Rynok
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jun 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 158

01 Aug 2008, 9:36 am

Time will teach everyone that they are better off single for their entire lives because ALL relationships fail ALL the time!

Your arguments are flawed. If relationships were like as you say, nobody would have them. Some are, most aren't, that's why people still get married.



cruachan
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Hungary

01 Aug 2008, 10:33 am

Rynok wrote:
Your arguments are flawed. If relationships were like as you say, nobody would have them. Some are, most aren't, that's why people still get married.


That's what most people believe until they actually get married. Most kids are taught to believe in things that don't exist to explain other aspects of life, why would this marriage thing be different?


_________________
"...unless you have a morbid fear of dying."


QuantumToast
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 99

01 Aug 2008, 11:07 am

I know the feeling... I'd much rather stay single than be with someone who isn't right for me, so I don't see why I should have to have relationships before finding that person. Luckily people don't seem that bothered about it in my case... maybe they assume that since I'm not looking, I'm not single.


_________________
25.8069758 is the root of all evil! :)


Rynok
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jun 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 158

01 Aug 2008, 11:40 am

cruachan wrote:
Rynok wrote:
Your arguments are flawed. If relationships were like as you say, nobody would have them. Some are, most aren't, that's why people still get married.


That's what most people believe until they actually get married. Most kids are taught to believe in things that don't exist to explain other aspects of life, why would this marriage thing be different?


If everybody that ate a poisonous plant died, people would learn and they would stop eating that plant.
If everybody that got married got divorced, people would stop getting married.
If everybody that got married was unhappy, people would stop getting married.
The fact that people are still getting married proves that not all relationships are bad and people are happy with their marriages.

I'm guessing you've been married and divorced already to know such deep truths of life.



cruachan
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Hungary

02 Aug 2008, 12:12 pm

Rynok wrote:
I'm guessing you've been married and divorced already to know such deep truths of life.

No, but I witnessed my parents doing that. Mom got bruises in the process.
Of course not every family goes that far, but there is certainly damage done for women in each household. Or if not women, then the kids. We can only guess how many child abuse cases go unreported... because under 18, no one really takes you seriously (sometimes even over that age).


_________________
"...unless you have a morbid fear of dying."