uh..everytime i ask girls out, they always ask

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like ticker and bangsmccoy already said-- i think she is just trying to clarify if it is a date.

hell, even i know this girl trick. guy asks me, i think he might like me, but i really can't tell, so i double check with the "who else" question. hopefully the guy will reasurringly say "just us" so i can then smile akwardly and say, "ok."

Let me get this straight ... a guy asks you out, and you don't know if he likes you ...

*SMACK!*

Well, duh! He's asking you out because he likes you! Do you think guys ask women out that they can't stand?! !

I don't know what's worse, a woman who rejects a guy by public humiliation, or a woman who plays "head games" and "tricks" on a guy to "double check" his motives in order to reassure herself that he likes her.

first, i'm not playing a game in the way you mean. not trying to be manipulative or a tease, just trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

and what you say might be how YOU feel when you ask a girl out, but you are very WRONG in my experience.

i have had guys say, "hey wanna go to lunch?" and it's just the two of us, and i am sure they did NOT like me as a girlfriend. they only thought of me as a friend, lunch was not a "date" to them. it sucked.

so of COURSE i have absolutely no idea how to tell if people like me now, because those two guys did not fit into your magic rule of "if he spends time with you then he likes you," that is just not true.

it IS HARD TO TELL when a guy is asking you on a DATE versus just asking to kill some time.

If you want to know what's going on (why he wants to have lunch with you), then don't try to "trick" a guy (he'll eventually find out, and won't like it), just ask him!

I'm a guy. I've asked girls out. I talk with other guys who have also asked girls out. The general consensus is clear; we ask girls out that we like, and don't ask girls out that we don't like. No guy will ever think to himself, "Now there is a girl that I really can't stand, so I'm going to offer her a meal and spend some time with her."

A guy either likes you, or he doesn't. He either wants to spend time (and money) with you, or he doesn't. So just because a guy is asking to "go out" with you instead of asking for a "date" does not mean that he doesn't like you.

And why sub-categorize "liking" someone? "He likes me as a ________" is a female thing. "She likes me" is a male thing.

Will you only have lunch with guys who want you to be their girlfriend? Then say so! Are you intolerant of guys who want you to be "just" a friend? Then say so!

Or at least ask the poor fellow, "Are you asking me for a date?"

The reason that you can't tell if people really like is may be because you seem to have a very narrow definition of what the appropriate "signs" may be.

Some guys will try to start a relationship at something more casual than dating. So give this some thought: a casual relationship may grow into a dating situation. Don't try to start things off right away at dating. Instead, give the guy some room to make up his own mind without getting "serious" right away.

Besides, whether it's just "hanging out" for a while or a "real" date, if it involves a free meal, then you already come out ahead!

Last edited by Fnord on 18 Aug 2008, 6:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

uh, EXACTLY. which is why it is a very bad idea to ask a NT-guy directly what he means and if it is a date or not because they tend to get akward looks of horror.

i'm not trying to "trick" anyone. having useful tricks, as in SKILLS, in my social arsenal is a very different thing than tricking someone. if you are too direct with NT guys, it can make the situation akward and strained. when they ask you to lunch, they don't want the 3rd degree. i have heard several guys in my city make fun of girls who want to have a "DTR" about just going to the movies. (DTR stands for- define the relationship).

so if i don't want the guy to run like a scared little rabbit, what the hell is wrong with fishing for some clues as to what is going on???

Because any guy that has any real experience with "dating" will know right away what you are doing - whether you call it a skill, a trick, or a game - and will likely resent it when you use your indirect methods to find out the depth of his interest.

And whether you agree with this or not, guys will see any form of indirect inquiry as "sneaky," and will likely feel less inclined to ask for a date with any woman employing such methods.

Even if a guy is not smart enough to perceive your skills at work, do you really want to "date" a guy that is so shallow and transparent that there is nothing new to discover about him? Or do you want to know so much about him, that there is no possibility that you'll be hurt again?

Kid, I'm not trying to upset you, even though it may seem that way. I am trying to let you see things from a guys point of view.

that is just not true, as i know several guys who do not conform to this, so no, NOT any guy.

don't worry, i am not upset though. i am just saying that your take is just how one guy feels- just you. if i was interested in an aspie, then perhaps i would consider doing things differently. but NT's do not resent people for following the rules, they invented the stupid rules in the first place, and dating is a social process with accepted rules of conduct.

Guys do actually have female friends and ask them out on friends-only social occasions, even with just the two of them. It does happen. Trying to gauge his interest level so you know how to dress and behave while on the date (i.e. flirting and getting shut down is not fun for girls either) is not a crime.

There are different ways to 'like' someone, even of the opposite gender.

yes!

*points and claps*

I already figured that part out years ago (hence the "frozen shoulders" comment, which derives from the term "cold shoulder" which afaik means delaying something indefinitely...)


Oh yes, definitely. Will the women listen? No...

Don't know why some folks here are overanalysing this, she just wants to know if it's going to be a date or a group outing.

Welcome to the AS condition. Overanalysis is a specialty...

- wanna have lunch this sunday (or saturday/monday/etc)?
- Who else is coming?
- Me, of course!, (smile).

Not quite. She wants to know if she's going on a date, or if she's going to be wasting her time on a group or one-on-one outing. She seems to want a relationship that progresses directly to the dating stage; entirely bypassing the connection, introduction, familiarization, and conforming stages.

Stage 0 to 5 in nothing flat.

wtf? where did you get THAT?

what "She" are you referring to? because i certainly do not feel that way, i did not say anything like that, and i do not see any post here that did.

Here...



... although I may have read too much into it.


My bad then. I apologize. Let my previous posts stand as-is so that others can see what a male organ I can be.

Do you object to "just killing time," or to the fact that it is not a "date"? Why is it important that you know the difference?

Personally, as long as a free meal was involved, I never objected to either.