coming to terms with being alone

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I never could come to terms with being alone for the rest of my life I'm just so glad that I am able to maintain a reasonably healthy relationship, it's not perfect I have AS but I know how difficult it is to find someone who can cope with people like us.

The saddest thing is the way we're often treated (like we're monsters or something) it couldn't be further from the truth a lot of AS people are as careing, loving, sensitive, creative and interesting people you could ever wish to meet.

I hate when NTs become lazy because they have it so good. And then they come to the conclusion that I am not an NT, because I have hidden most of my aspie traits, out of desperateness.

@ Chav,

I hate to think you have to hide the AS side of yourself. Hygiene and social skills are great to develop, but having busted my glutes to master those skills, I feel I've already made huge accommodations for "NT handicaps." It gets my goat that NTs expect us to modify/tone down AS aspects that are just different, not offensive.

From the disrespectful way you talk about women, it sounds like a good reason to me.

@NYGOI:
yes, there are some degree of gender issues going on there, but I think in my age bracket there are a small but significant subset of men who are willing to be (even want to be) partners rather than pets. There are good men out there.
I can't seem to maintain friendships even with other women, though, so as far as mates go I would probably be limited to some jerk who can't get anyone else to put up with him. And I'd rather be single.

For sure. I'm only a few years older than you are so I do see those guys. Their ideas of "partner", though, still don't seem to include being a haven and providing comfort to the degree they expect the woman to do so. I get the impression they're up for 30/70, which they'll experience as 60/40. Am I being too picky about this? Should I be giving them more credit for trying? OTOH I've occasionally met men a decade my senior who describe marriages that truly sound 60/40.




LOL I hear you. I'm at the point where I no longer accept "fault" for not getting on w/ other women, though. I started setting boundaries and paying attention to what's enjoyable and healthy for me, so right now I have almost no authentic interpersonal contact. One sister, a great aunt. (There are good people I know, who are happy to hear from me, but these days I have a hard time talking most of the time.)

What scares me more than the "some jerk" option is the ... ugh I'm shuddering. The really decent but super-bland NT conservative guy who's got it made career- and material-wise and wants a family to frost the cake. Since I 'found my style' I seem to attract them in hordes. They seem to dig the integrated foreigner bit as well, as though that would spice up their lives without challenging it too much.

i will never come to terms with it, i'm always going to keep trying......dieing alone is a big big fear for me.x

Hmm, dying alone sounds comforting to me, but it doesn't include growing old alone. More like off trail in the Swiss Alps during a storm. Exhaustion + alcohol + snowbank. If I knew how to never be found, or at least to prevent ID, that would be my ideal way to go.

I don't mind advice from NT for change, but it should not be a moral obligation. Tact would never be needed in a world where no one bad-mind each other.

I'm not sure if it was legal for them to just abandon you without contact but it seems unethical. They should have at least hooked you up with someone/somewhere else!

BPalmer: Not to butt in but since you posted it publicly I will ask: How do you know "those b*****s knew" the effect their rejection would have on you years later? Maybe they were just ignorant kids. Or ignorant full stop. A lot of people do what they want without knowing how it might affect someone else let alone decades later. Unless they were ridiculing you or something which isn't cool.

They were socially aware enough. They would've been told to steer clear of any guy who hadn't ever had a relationship by a certain age. Over the years they would've been given advice by their friends, parents, etc - some of which makes sense, alongside some absolute rot. Now, no-one ever set me up with anyone, or said "See that girl over there? I think she likes you." No, they wrote me off as Not Relationship Material, and now that's true, eh?

Good for you. Best of Luck.

would it be REALLY controversial to hypothesize that people who say that they're really happy about being alone forever are either a. lieing b. given up on life? i guess in a few cases, some people develop and grow up without any desires for 1. sexual activity 2. affection 3. companionship or a mixture of any of the 3, and in that case, they probably will truly be ok with never dating/marrying etc.

this topic just really interests me.x

I want to accept it, as I'll always be alone it seems. But for some reason this fantasy that I'll be with someone one day persists.

Get out of my head stupid fantasy! And stop giving me false hope!!

I know exactly how you feel.

EAT SH** AND DIE, YOU STUPID ILLOGICAL FANTASY!!

GO TO HELL USELESS FANTASY!! !! !

Hey, this is strangely therapeutic. I'm feeling better.

*goes inside of my own head, finds fantasy, flips it the finger, kicks it in the balls, and gets in its face and screams obscenities as it writhes in pain until other members somehow get inside my head and try to pull me away*

Alone is so dull and meaningless. It's time for a change. You know guys need to put a nice smile on your face and embrace the day. Don't be so serious. Be confident, stop obsessing that your special interest is the best thing in the world and that everything else comes second to it. Loosen up.