(Dating Sites) How do you make yourself seem interesting?
Honesty is the best policy when talking about having AS and Social Anxiety. although my personal belief is that the majority of girls are petty and superficial at my age (20-25), I think your chances are much better. My personal belief is that when women become older, they mature. The saying "Women mature faster than men" can only be applied physically, they may act more mature, but they are often naive and too trusting in the good nature of boys/men. I reason this, girls may like you if they know you're gentle or kind, which they might interpret from you having autism. If girls don't like you because you have AS or because you have anxiety problems, they can go get bent.
As for coming up with interesting descriptions, honesty once again works well. For instance, if I were to put a description of myself, I would put this:
"I am a 21 year old male, six foot tall and two hundred pounds. I have medium length blonde hair, a blonde goatee, and blue eyes. I have an athletic build and I enjoy playing sports, such as tennis and boxing, and working out. I also enjoy having conversations about things like psychology, history, literature with people. I also enjoy collecting souvineers from vacations, and I have an interest in different cultures and people. I am slightly autistic, but despite being autistic, I am kind and friendly, and I am willing to meet new people and try new things"
I am looking for a girl who interested in playing sports and enjoys talking about things like history, psychology, literature, etc. I'm also looking for a girl who is interested in different cultures or who belongs to a different culture. I'm also looking for a girl who is kind and sweet, and who would like nice guys who know how to treat them right. I am interested in a Christian girl, who has a strong religious faith, and who like guys value morality"
I've never posted this on a dating service, but here is the thing about coming up with a description of yourself. When you write a description of yourself, you have to have an extremely positive tone when you write it. Any negativity will make yourself look unattractive. I also didn't put things in like playing video games or collecting swords and daggers (which I do). Put that kind of information into a description and girls will be afraid of you. You want to appear as mature and friendly as possible. You should also put what you want to seek in a girl, and if a girl likes your description she might want to get to know you a little better. It is all about looking confident and sure, girls love that. And since I put that I'm interested in foreign girls, my chances with hitting it off with them are much better too. I think many American girls have their own egos and arrogance to them, I think many foreign girls are not so snobby.
As for "do you think it is a waste of time for someone with severe social issues and lack of experience, and low income to even bother with dating, or dating sites?" NO, I don't. EVERYONE on this planet deserves love and affection and just because you've been screwed over before doesn't mean you don't deserve it, you absolutely do. You already have been single for a long time, how much do you have to lose by putting yourself out there for others to see? I admire what you're doing, it is not desperate, you are just wanting more out of life than ineffectual romances or loneliness. As soon as I get situated financially and live on my own, I'll probably be doing what you're doing right now. So good luck, and keep fighting on, there is nothing worse on Earth than being alone.
Tim_Tex,
I would like to make a good point about what you said. You said you only date Aspie women, correct?
Well I can understand why you would want to date women with Aspergers, you don't have to deal with the dissapoint and aggrivation of neurotypical women. Even I have some bad blood towards neurotypical women, because they seem to have their own ego and their emotional capabilities, while fascinating, confuse and don't appeal to us. We better relate to our own kind more than we can neurotypical girls.
This being said, not every neurotypical girl is a superficial and petty b***h, as much as I'd like to think of them as such. It is just unrealistic, and as much as I am uncomfortable around neurotypical women, there has to be good neurotypical women around. I know autistic girls are a sure thing because you can relate, but that doesn't mean we autistic guys have to limit ourselves to just autistic women. After all, there are good neurotypical women out there as well, not every neurotypical gal is extroverted, some might be quiet and shy. Just my thoughts.
Some guys come across as creepy and bitter and it is off putting as one is trying to avoid the crazy stalkers lol. So try and appear non threatening and positive.
make sure you put your interests and what makes you happy.
My good friend told me that "its better to be hated for what you are, rather than loved for what you are not" and this applies strongly to online dating.
I think you will do fine as you have a really nice character and are very beautiful.
Thanks.
As for coming up with interesting descriptions, honesty once again works well. For instance, if I were to put a description of myself, I would put this:
"I am a 21 year old male, six foot tall and two hundred pounds. I have medium length blonde hair, a blonde goatee, and blue eyes. I have an athletic build and I enjoy playing sports, such as tennis and boxing, and working out. I also enjoy having conversations about things like psychology, history, literature with people. I also enjoy collecting souvineers from vacations, and I have an interest in different cultures and people. I am slightly autistic, but despite being autistic, I am kind and friendly, and I am willing to meet new people and try new things"
I am looking for a girl who interested in playing sports and enjoys talking about things like history, psychology, literature, etc. I'm also looking for a girl who is interested in different cultures or who belongs to a different culture. I'm also looking for a girl who is kind and sweet, and who would like nice guys who know how to treat them right. I am interested in a Christian girl, who has a strong religious faith, and who like guys value morality"
I've never posted this on a dating service, but here is the thing about coming up with a description of yourself. When you write a description of yourself, you have to have an extremely positive tone when you write it. Any negativity will make yourself look unattractive. I also didn't put things in like playing video games or collecting swords and daggers (which I do). Put that kind of information into a description and girls will be afraid of you. You want to appear as mature and friendly as possible. You should also put what you want to seek in a girl, and if a girl likes your description she might want to get to know you a little better. It is all about looking confident and sure, girls love that. And since I put that I'm interested in foreign girls, my chances with hitting it off with them are much better too. I think many American girls have their own egos and arrogance to them, I think many foreign girls are not so snobby.
As for "do you think it is a waste of time for someone with severe social issues and lack of experience, and low income to even bother with dating, or dating sites?" NO, I don't. EVERYONE on this planet deserves love and affection and just because you've been screwed over before doesn't mean you don't deserve it, you absolutely do. You already have been single for a long time, how much do you have to lose by putting yourself out there for others to see? I admire what you're doing, it is not desperate, you are just wanting more out of life than ineffectual romances or loneliness. As soon as I get situated financially and live on my own, I'll probably be doing what you're doing right now. So good luck, and keep fighting on, there is nothing worse on Earth than being alone.
Lots of good advice, thanks.
Don't "make yourself SEEM" anything.
Honesty is always the best policy on dating sites, no exceptions.
Just be yourself: After all, you want someone who can accept you for you, right?
Not someone who expects to meet the prince or princess of the world only to find themselves sorely disappointed.
Yeah, the wrong idea that people get when they hear "Asperger's Syndrome" is definitely a big problem. Usually most NTs just assume "aspie = rapist", "aspie = creep", "aspie = violent", "aspie = ret*d", etc., the most benign of the negative stereotypes being the image of a Star Trek geek who sits in his mother's basement looking at anime porn.
And none of those are images I want to present, which is why I make a point of never, ever telling anyone about my diagnosis.
Sometimes I think I'm stuck in a kind of everlasting adolescence when talking about relationships. I can talk to people quite well in many contexts but I don't know the first thing about close relationships. I dated girls when I was young but that was pre dx and I could never work out how to move forward - mainly because I can't do crowds or noise and my girlfriends just felt cut off on some island with me.
As I've got older I've felt ashamed of being so limited with personal relationships. It's like a part of me parked up somehow long ago and the rest of me carried on trying to improve and get better.
When I was young I didn't know I had A.S. and I found all kinds of reasons why I couldn't communicate and yet I still believed I would find someone. I'm at an age now where many of the milestones of relationships have passed by.
I feel regret sometimes that if I could have been dxd younger than in my thirties I could have had less chaos in my emotions because I would know why relating to women (and anybody) was so hard.
There are so many symbols of relationships out there: from spiritual symbolism to porn. Spiritual symbolism inspires me and makes me believe in the chance of a relationship. Porn just makes me feel ashamed with feelings of repression.
Now that the few friends I have (male and female) are married or settled down I wonder what I'm supposed to do.
Is this an aspie midlife crisis? It probably is.....
One other question. Is there a minimum level of functionality that a person should have before they should even bother with dating sites. In other words, do you think it is a waste of time for someone with severe social issues and lack of experience, and low income to even bother with dating, or dating sites? I think it is probably a bad idea for me personally and that it will lead to much humiliation but at the same time I am tired of being alone and dating sites are one option available to me, even if nothing ever comes of it. It is fairly easy for me to interact with people by text and very little of my anxiety comes through beyond making the first communication.
Any opinions/stories/advice about using dating sites would be appreciated.
That is a tough road; I think it depends on the level that it is discussed and brought up in your everyday life as well. There are ways to explain without too much detail - for example, "Prefer quiet settings and time spent with the individual over large group activities." It gets the gist without detail.
As for interesting... that is a challenge. Coming from me, it is going to be along the lines of being yourself. Of course, there is much in the packaging... avoid being mono-thematic, and use words with a more active character.
-Put pics you took with your friends or in social event , that will show that you are sociable
-Put pics of you that show your car and your house at the background but don't put pics that only show your car and house.
-Put pics of you doing some physical activities
-Put cliché words in your description : self-confident, loyal , serious , funny....
Don't really agree here. Select pictures that you are comfortable with. If you dislike pictures (as I do) then ask someone their impression. Pictures with friends can be odd, in that the friend may not be comfortable being placed in your ad, and give the false impression that you are a social butterfly if that is not the case. The car/house thing? To me, pointless - would end up attracting the completely wrong type of woman for me, as someone whose affections are based on possessions are... well, unattractive is as nice a way as I can put it. Physical activities can be good - if you're looking for someone who is physically active as well. And cliche is passe - be articulate without being verbose. Strain the words, distill until they are clear, but do not rely on the same words, pictures, and attitudes that every Tom, Dick and Harry is also using. Sorry, LPP, I just find your list to be of little use - it is very targeted in its approach without regard to the individual using it. :/
M.
_________________
My thanks to all the wonderful members here; I will miss the opportunity to continue to learn and work with you.
For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.
So long, and thanks for all the fish!
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