I have AS and I'm gay...

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Every Asbie whether admittant about it or not are a bit of both because even straight Asbie's like me have a bit of homo in us like in our actions, looks and s**t.

Well as long as I'm not the only one. It will probably be the same for me being that it might not be until I'm 23 or 24 or rather mid twenties before I get involved in some of that stuff. I'm almost 21 though, will be at the end of the month. Of course since I'm in the US that's the drinking age here but I don't have any plans to go right out to a bar on my birthday or anything or even have a party. I stopped having birthday parties years ago. I guess it's because I don't really have enough friends to do that.

I used to be friends with this one girl and 2 gay twin guys but that fell apart when they took advantage of me because of my car and wanted me to drive them all over the place. Somehow they talked me into driving them half way across the state once to meet up with some guy they met online. Then they stole things from me and about then I got fed up with it and that was the end of the friendship between the 3 of us. They did have good times with me though and we would often go ice skating on the weekends and to plays and I enjoyed that very much especially the ice skating. I almost cut a little boys fingers off that fell on the ice but I noticed his little fingers right in front of my ice skate just in time to lift that foot up to pass above them.

Maybe someday I can meet some new people like that of which don't use me and steal things from me.

Your post is interesting to me because of my b/f, whom i have created a thread on in this same forum. It seems that the male aspies i have met (i have only known male ones, i am sure i met female ones but didn't know for sure they had it) DO seem to be ambiguous sexually, even if they are openly straight. In many many ways I think my b/f is completely straight but there are the things like you mention - some actions, looks (only as far as so spotless, well groomed, and attention to wardrobe, which all by itself is not necessarily an indicator of anything but perhaps someone who is well groomed), and having some gay friends.

Interesting post.

Do you ever feel any homosexual tendencies? Or just feel you possess some traits that are confused with 'gay' traits?

Not intending to take the thread off track...just interested in the response.

To the OP, i think most people with AS feel as you regardless of their orientation. One thing I have found to be a pretty common theme is the loneliness they feel - and it is normally because of the unsurety of how to handle social situations so they end up more alone then their more socially ept counterparts. What i have found is that aging does help people with AS...as one gets older they tend to become a bit more comfortable with who they are, to include aspie folks...

That's is more true if anyone plans to immigrate into an other country. With a good education that's in the very most cases much easier.

It depends how you define "friends". I know a lot of people, but I would not call those "friends". Friendship is an issue which matures over years. I do no have more than three people I would can friends and I know those since more than twenty years. we are not more that twice a year in contact - normally, but if I need help I know I can rely on those friends absolutely.

You are young, not that unattractive, so it would be not difficult to find other to have fun with.



Some of the issues I learned on the hard way is not to trust anyone that easily. I know it is hard for an Aspie, but you need to build up a little network of people how can provide you with reliable information. There is not such a think like "the" gay scene, but a lot of small scenes interacting, separated by age, sexual preferences, etc. pp. The most difficult issue is here to find your place. I was a late starter in the scene in my mid 20's and piked up the leather scene, which was in this time much better organized and maintained still a relative strict set of rules and signals (those days are gone). But this set of rule helped me a lot to find my place.

I also have AS and I'm gay. Woot! I've been in a couple "relationships", but they've been pretty horrible for the most part. I don't know how to connect with anyone in the way I'd like to, so pretty much what always happens is I just do sexual things with anyone who will let me because I don't know how else to express that I like them. I actually attempted to have a normal relationship recently, but it didn't work out at all. We were always very awkward around each other, so it didn't feel like a real relationship.

I wish you the best, having AS makes dating hard enough, but being gay and having AS makes it even harder.

It depends what you want. For my case I separate very exactly the group of potential sex partners on the one side and friends on the other side.

Catching up sex partners is not that difficult, at least in a bigger city like London. Making friend is much more difficult, but in my case only very loosely related to my sex live.

I almost wonder if being gay might make it easier for men with AS than those who have it but are not gay. I know that might sound a strange concept but reason i think this is because in the case of my b/f who is straight (and a couple other AS men i know who are straight) he/they is/are hit on WAY more by gay guys and accepted way more by gay guys than females. he has very few close female friends other than family members because women can't 'get him' and do not tolerate his social ineptness very while. I am the rare exception of someone who 'gets him' despite his AS.

It almost seems he would have had an easier dating life if he were gay as there are more options. Gay guys always seem to hit on him and they are much more accepting of his personalty. My thread about wondering if he could be gay - the biggest proof i probably have that he isn't is the fact that he could have had way more options for dating if he was gay so i guess that is one of the biggest tell all's to me that he isn't, the fact that he stayed alone so long in his life was because he DID want to date women. They just didn't want to date him...and it is strange because he is very good looking, just not socially ept.

I remember once my b/f telling me when we were in a passionate embrace "this all seems so unreal, to have someone love me back as much as I love her".....he is 41. And i thought wow, it must have really been hard for him to find someone who truly loved and accepted him. Most of his past g/fs used him for the kindness he offered then moved on when they grew tired of him. He had qutie a string of hurts in the past;. I was skeptical when i first started dating him before i knew he had AS because i thought if he had those issues with women maybe there were some serious redflags...but it was mostly due to the AS and not knowing how to relate to them. It surely was not due to him being a cheater, or not treating her well, because he is very kind and sweet and I cant see him ever cheating.

Interesting.... In my case however guys don't seem to get me as much as girls do. I guess we just can't win either way.

Well that is because you are probably in the company of mostly straight men. Straight men are likely as a whole not going to be as accepting as gay men of your AS. Go to where they are is probably your best bet. I don't know if you are into the bar scene, but gay bars are a nice place to be around other gay men. I think you would find yourself FAR MORE accepted there, both for your orientation AND your AS then you would in let's say a regular singles bar.

Not sure if you are into bars, just trying to come up with an example of where you wuold be in the cmopany of mostly gay men.

I still can't figure out how my b/f ends up having so many gay men flirt with him in everyday places. HE is attractive but so are many other guys. Maybe i just don't notice this with other men since i am not with them as much, but when a waiter flirts with him, or the guy in the men's clothing store, or a guy at the gym, it gets really frustrating for me. Women are not this obnoxious with the flirting right while I am standing there and I get really annoyed by this. I can see by his actions he is doing nothing to provoke this, they are just being really RUDE.

im bi!

I'm sorry about that. That is pretty rude, I agree. Some gay guys think they have the right to flirt with guys that are taken, where if they were a straight guy flirting with a taken girl, they would most likely get their ass kicked.

Actually, homophobia isn't so much my problem. Most straight guys I know are not homophobic, or at least not in front of me. Of course I have met my share of homophobes, but for the most part where I'm from (suburban Illinois) seems to be a bit more accepting of homosexuality than most other places. I've also known a lot of gay/bi guys all my life, but even the gay/bi guys don't seem to get me as much as girls do. Almost all my friends are bisexual girls (though I have a couple straight guy friends too) and that's who I always feel most comfortable around.

Yes, if they were straight and flirted with a girl right in front of her b/f in this same manner I am dealing with they surely WOULD get their ass kicked. It really ticks me off. I know not all gay men are this rude and selfish but this whole thing of the flirtations as if i am not there is really bothering me. And it is pretty obvious i am his g/f so it isn't a case of mistaking him for single.

You're definitely not alone.

The only thing that is gay is being attracted to people of the same sex.

That's it.

I was going to ask the same thing. You don't know if you don't try. Seriously it hurts if someone says no to yoou, but it is a hurt you can get over, he is already your friend, he already knows that you are gay, he is not going to dump you if you make a move on him or tell him that you like him romantically. He may say 'no' he may say he needs to think about it, or he may say, I was too scared to ask you out, I am so glad that you asked me out. Text him a few romantic words if you are to shy to tell him right away. Just something like 'ur cute' if he goes to freak, tell him you sent it to the wrong person.

I had "friends" similar to that. In the end I ultimately came to the realization that if I wanted to be "successful," I was going to need to surround myself with like minded people.

In hindsight it may not have been the best social move as consequently I now have a reputation for being a "cold hearted b***h."

At least now I am on track to achieve my goals and know that if the "s**t hits the fan" I know who will be there for me.