Neurotypicals and dating

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you could try to find one who doesn't care what others think. we're not all horrid.

I remember you NTchick. You gave some good advice. Allrighty then, is there an easy way to tell if an NTchick doesn't care too much what others think?

I do keep in mind that we all, to some extent, care what others think. After all, most of us do wear clothing in public, urinate in private, and don't howl at the moon.

But how does one determine, quickly, easily, if an NTchick is genuine, real, and not superficial? Or is there an easy way?

But it's the derisory way in which it's used. The 'us vs. them' mentality.

The divorce rate is even higher among parents of autistic children, and we all know there's a genetic component.

Hiya Exile =)
The answer to the first part of the question is no, there probably isn't a terribly easy way to tell if she doesn't care. But a positive attitude and willingness to work with the good parts of a relationship and work toward fixing the crap bits are definetely a start.

Thing with relationships and people's depths is that much of the stuff can't be found out at face value, because many people don't put themselves out there for fear of _____(insert random stuff that a person might be afraid of)_____. That means that the only way you can find out about them is to interact with them on a really deep level. Most people will interact on that level only with someone who is doing the same with them.

Oh heck, this is really complicated.

Personally, I don't really believe that *anyone* is "superficial" in the true sense of the word.

Everyone has a depth, but what their depth serves, or their inner drive, is another thing entirely. It's based on all the things that make a person who they are: upbringing, personality, childhood events, intelligence, peers, education, genetics (and i have missed out on so many more integral factors here because they are multitudinous and i'm trying to be concise).

Some people appear to be one thing to protect themselves from what they percieve to be danger, or to get themselves through life in the easiest way possible. Underneath they can be entirely different. What I think you mean by "superficial" is that perhaps the superficial person prefers not to talk about things that make them feel or leave them emotionally vulnerable, so they keep their conversations light, meaningless and flippent. That's how i've interpreted what you've said, and you need to let me know if i'm wrong.

On the other hand, some people are superficial because they're just not that bright and can't hold an intelligent conversation because they don't understand what's going on.

I guess an idea would be to check who she hangs out with. Do her friends all look the same as she does? Are they smart? <--- this indicates that she has a brain too. Being an aspie chances are you have a very high IQ and you want someone to be in a similar ball-park to you (within 20 points or so on a test) otherwise you're just not going to be able to interact properly on the same level. Are they a diverse group? <-- this indicates that she's more accepting of different paradigms and therefore less likely to expect "normal" (PLEASE note inverted commas) interaction from everyone she knows.

Does she read? What does she read? <---- Colleen McCullough and Mercedes Lackey are trash, and could possibly indicate that she is too. Charles Bukowski, a classical novel, modern fiction (not the Da Vinci Code, something alternative), some juicy non-fiction, a good fantasy or sci-fi all indicate a tendency toward a higher intelligence level and therefore, worthy =)

What i'm getting at is that stupid people tend to judge more, want to be like everyone else and shape themselves into what they believe is socially acceptable.

Perhaps someone who runs around naked, pees in the street and howls at the moon would at least be a bit more open minded than an idiot who wants to dress like paris hilton (note small caps).

if that was a bit scattered and ill-constructed please request further elaboration. i am very tired.

xx

^
That.
I have noticed these things mentioned here, but i`m
100% sure that its a human thing, not an "nt" thing.
There is no way that all people with for example AS
doesn`t do this. People are different. I notice i have
more and more problems with the separaration of people
on this site - theres this "us against them" mentality
going on to often. Is there anyone that belives that
"NT`s" got to choose how they turned out? Are they
less worth or something? Strip me and a "NT" naked
and line us up and you have to naked humans standing
in front of you, nothing more. Anyone that have AS and
act hostile towards "NT`s", have a racism-like problem. If
one cant tolerate people because they are different then
theres no hope and dont expect "NT`s" to be nice to you,
why should "they"? You`re not nice to them. I know alot
of people have it tuff because they dont feel they fit in
the "NT" world, but thats not the peoples fault, dont take
it out on them. I dont call people NT`s or Aspies all the
time, i call them people, thats what they are, bottom line.
I notice more and more that evertime i have to write
"NT" or "Aspie" in a respons to a post, i get a chill down
my spine, it doesn`t feel right and no good can come from
it. We need less borders and walls between people, not more,
no matter what kind of people they are.

My parents didn't divorce.

*They* are the ones that bully us as children. *They* are the ones in high school that effortlessly get girlfriends, get to treat them like ****, while those of us that actually want to have a stable relationship that actually means something are denied. *They* are the ones that tell us that we have to obey all these stupid "unwritten rules" of society that make absolutely no sense at all...

That's why "us" are pissed off at "them"...




Nor mine... and I know a great deal of couples with autistic children that are still together...