EnglishLulu wrote:
Yeah, I kind of agree with you, but I think you misunderstand. I'm not really talking about beating around the bush and denying one's sexuality, I'm talking about it just coming up in casual conversation, say brothers and sisters or friends talking about crushes on film or pop stars.
I'm talking about if, say, a sister or friend says, x (male) is hot, say yeah, I like y (female) but agree x (male) is hot... so there's no need for a huge "HEY, PEOPLE, I'M BI" announcement, it's just casually referenced, no big deal...
Or maybe someone can talk about going out to meet their partner or boyfriend, Fred, again, just drop stuff into casual conversation, just like normal, don't make a big deal out of it.
Sometimes, if something is just said, casually, but assertively, as if it's 'normal' then other people will take it as normal. To make a big deal out of something can sometimes be seen as insecurity and an invitation for other people to give affirmation or approval, which if they have slight insecurities or doubts, it can be an opportunity to voice them...
I think I do understand what you're saying, I mean your way is how I came out to my brother and sister. I knew 100% that they would accept it and so coming out to them really was no big deal at all.
My point is that when you really aren't that sure and you feel like you need that extra boost, then I think it's ok to announce it. I think it should be the minimum you feel you need in order to get the message across while at the same time being respectful to the other person and to yourself. I don't think it's a good idea to go "I'm bi and I don't give a fcuk what you think". However, going up to your dad and saying, "Dad, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something" and then just go right into it is perfectly ok to me. Now, I'm not advising the OP to do that specifically, it totally depends on the kind of relationship he has with his dad. Just clarifying that I don't think it necessary to go to extreme lengths to ensure people know about your sexuality, after all attracting attention is not exactly something I or many AS folks for that matter really want to do... but by all means please do go to the length you (err rather, the OP) feel you need to go.
For the record, I have historically had a very antagonistic relationship with my parents, and this has been so even before sexuality entered the equation. I
did try to drop hints but they never got the point; they were just derisive and dismissive as so many prejudiced people are. It didn't work. Plus based on previous interactions with them, I knew I had to be ready for a serious fight if I showed any sign that maybe "I wasn't sure," and fighting them is useless. In the end, I came out in an e-mail to them, and... my AS dad has never said anything about it. He stopped talking to me. My NT mom still says she loves me, but always focuses on her hope I find the "right girl" instead of finding the "right person" (and when I correct her she gets annoyed and says, "Why do you have to say that?!"), which tells me she doesn't really accept it. I went in prepared, as I originally suggested to the OP. I did it when I was 29, completely financially self-supporting and I had already moved out of their house, with emotional backing from my brother and sister.
It's a very situationally-dependent thing, I suppose. And I do agree with what you said in your original post, just that it won't work for everybody the way the world is right now. Later on, yeah I hope it would work.
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