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Fidget
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12 Dec 2008, 1:23 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
Hmmm ... I am straight but some people suspect that I am straight (because I don't show excitement for girls) including my boss and coworkers and that that I might be gay. I am tasting homophobia while I am straight .:roll:.

If I was really gay , I wouldn't tell anyone including my parents but again I don't live in New England so I can't tell....


What the hell did you just say? :huh:



Xelebes
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12 Dec 2008, 2:17 pm

I came out of the closet in the spring to my parents. They're religiously conservative so it was difficult. You just have to remember that since you are their son, that they'll still love you anyways.



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12 Dec 2008, 3:13 pm

If you're still closeted about it, come out gradually.


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Fidget
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12 Dec 2008, 6:15 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
Hmmm ... I am straight but some people think that I am gay(because I don't show excitement for girls) , I am tasting homophobia while I am straight .:roll:.

If I was really gay , I wouldn't tell anyone including my parents but again I don't live in New England so I can't tell....


Ah, okies now it makes sense. :p



886
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12 Dec 2008, 7:11 pm

I really don't see the importance of telling them... does it really matter? If you start seeing a dude tell them then. It'd suck to tell them just to find out you'll start seeing a chick, all of that for nothing.


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12 Dec 2008, 8:59 pm

Stinkypuppy wrote:
EnglishLulu wrote:
Why make a big deal about it? Why the official announcement?


Because frankly it feels empowering to say it in the face of a society that still believes that heterosexuality is the way things should be.

...Besides, it's good to be able to have a serious, mature talk about these types of things. Beating around the bush can confuse things considerably (i.e. the other person doesn't take you seriously, thus defeating the whole point of the conversation), and when you get that nervous about telling somebody about coming out, you don't really want to do a second round. One should ideally be able to be open like that with one's dad. And if that's not the case, it's an unfortunate tragedy that so many of us go through.

Just from my own personal experience. :?
Yeah, I kind of agree with you, but I think you misunderstand. I'm not really talking about beating around the bush and denying one's sexuality, I'm talking about it just coming up in casual conversation, say brothers and sisters or friends talking about crushes on film or pop stars.

I'm talking about if, say, a sister or friend says, x (male) is hot, say yeah, I like y (female) but agree x (male) is hot... so there's no need for a huge "HEY, PEOPLE, I'M BI" announcement, it's just casually referenced, no big deal...

Or maybe someone can talk about going out to meet their partner or boyfriend, Fred, again, just drop stuff into casual conversation, just like normal, don't make a big deal out of it.

Sometimes, if something is just said, casually, but assertively, as if it's 'normal' then other people will take it as normal. To make a big deal out of something can sometimes be seen as insecurity and an invitation for other people to give affirmation or approval, which if they have slight insecurities or doubts, it can be an opportunity to voice them...



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12 Dec 2008, 9:36 pm

Make sure you are out to your close friends before you are out to your parents.
It's much easier then. You can practice, and get support from them to encourage you.



DJRnold
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12 Dec 2008, 11:17 pm

Wow Dave I never would've guessed...

I'd give you advice, but it's all already been said.



Stinkypuppy
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13 Dec 2008, 1:54 am

EnglishLulu wrote:
Yeah, I kind of agree with you, but I think you misunderstand. I'm not really talking about beating around the bush and denying one's sexuality, I'm talking about it just coming up in casual conversation, say brothers and sisters or friends talking about crushes on film or pop stars.

I'm talking about if, say, a sister or friend says, x (male) is hot, say yeah, I like y (female) but agree x (male) is hot... so there's no need for a huge "HEY, PEOPLE, I'M BI" announcement, it's just casually referenced, no big deal...

Or maybe someone can talk about going out to meet their partner or boyfriend, Fred, again, just drop stuff into casual conversation, just like normal, don't make a big deal out of it.

Sometimes, if something is just said, casually, but assertively, as if it's 'normal' then other people will take it as normal. To make a big deal out of something can sometimes be seen as insecurity and an invitation for other people to give affirmation or approval, which if they have slight insecurities or doubts, it can be an opportunity to voice them...


I think I do understand what you're saying, I mean your way is how I came out to my brother and sister. I knew 100% that they would accept it and so coming out to them really was no big deal at all.

My point is that when you really aren't that sure and you feel like you need that extra boost, then I think it's ok to announce it. I think it should be the minimum you feel you need in order to get the message across while at the same time being respectful to the other person and to yourself. I don't think it's a good idea to go "I'm bi and I don't give a fcuk what you think". However, going up to your dad and saying, "Dad, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something" and then just go right into it is perfectly ok to me. Now, I'm not advising the OP to do that specifically, it totally depends on the kind of relationship he has with his dad. Just clarifying that I don't think it necessary to go to extreme lengths to ensure people know about your sexuality, after all attracting attention is not exactly something I or many AS folks for that matter really want to do... but by all means please do go to the length you (err rather, the OP) feel you need to go.

For the record, I have historically had a very antagonistic relationship with my parents, and this has been so even before sexuality entered the equation. I did try to drop hints but they never got the point; they were just derisive and dismissive as so many prejudiced people are. It didn't work. Plus based on previous interactions with them, I knew I had to be ready for a serious fight if I showed any sign that maybe "I wasn't sure," and fighting them is useless. In the end, I came out in an e-mail to them, and... my AS dad has never said anything about it. He stopped talking to me. My NT mom still says she loves me, but always focuses on her hope I find the "right girl" instead of finding the "right person" (and when I correct her she gets annoyed and says, "Why do you have to say that?!"), which tells me she doesn't really accept it. I went in prepared, as I originally suggested to the OP. I did it when I was 29, completely financially self-supporting and I had already moved out of their house, with emotional backing from my brother and sister.

It's a very situationally-dependent thing, I suppose. And I do agree with what you said in your original post, just that it won't work for everybody the way the world is right now. Later on, yeah I hope it would work. :)


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