21 Jan 2009, 1:44 pm
SolarShadow wrote:
:oops: Ok this may be long but I figured I would need to include everything in order to get the best help/advice. 
My best (and only) friend in the world and I have known each other online for over 2 years now and we were considering making the relationship we have more serious (as in from “just friends” to boyfriend/girlfriend if not more). We were planning on meeting late this summer to decide what to do officially until my mom insisted on seeing pictures of him. So, thinking it was innocent enough, I let her see his facebook profile (I will admit I had never looked at it before but it looked much better than the myspace which was very depressing in appearance. Yes I realize it was stupid of me to not look).
Not more than five minutes into her looking she brought up a picture of him holding a bottle of vodka in one hand and drinking some other form of alcohol in the other hand with another alcohol sticker on his forehead. Needless to say I was absolutely stunned because as far as I knew he didn’t drink.
He explained to me that the bottle was full of water and his cousin taking the picture was the alcoholic. I evplained his story to my parents and they said it simply doesnt float/hold water/whatever that saying is.
This of course turned into an interrogation of everything I knew about him while mom examined every possible bit of information on the site.
Very soon afterward mom (and dad who had joined by this point) concluded that I cannot be in a relationship with this person and I need to seek more “worthy” counterparts.
Their basic argument was that when a girl finds a guy and gets into a serious relationship with him she will drop or raise to the level he is at (they have numerous examples of this happening). And overall I should seek someone who is where I want to be in life (atm that would be pre-medical student or beyond) not just someone who is nice to me. And also according to them my friend and I have an astronomical difference in capability and are not even remotely on the same level.
The biggest issue that caused me to doubt my hopes of being with him is that my mom has a very frightening ability to predict and/or see everything about a person with only a small amount of information. (She has done that many times before)
My friend has argued that the pictures are 3 years old and nobody should judge people by what they see on the Internet. Also he has not been drunk since then and doesn’t plan to be.
The troubling thing was that I was almost willing to give up my chances at med-school to be with him when mom pointed out the girls tendency to shift to the guys level in life… that honestly scared me.
Basically as it stands right now my friend is barely graduating from college at an age where my dad was already out of college, had a job, and was taking care of a new family. (Yes there is an age difference between myself and my friend which raised yet another, though less significant, issue)
So at this point I had 3 options in mind:
1-I go against my parents advice/wishes (even though I have always trusted their opinion to be right)
2-I risk losing the best friend I have ever had and leave him in search of another guy
3-I basically say “forget all of it” and become a hermit or something like that since the chances of me finding a "good" boyfriend are slim and none, because it has already been concluded that I cant tell age to save my life and I have absolutely NO idea when a guy likes me. (An example of that would be a guy flirting with me while buying my textbooks this semester. Dad noticed. I didn’t. As far as I could tell the guy just wouldn’t shut up and was nosey as to what my major was. Dad had to explain it to me on the way to the car that the guy obviously liked me.
)
I already told my friend that I am probably going to look for a guy this coming semester, which of course was not taken as a very good thing.
So basically I need to figure out which decision is best if any and I figured other opinions might help since I’ve been trying to figure this out for weeks and either cant or don’t actually want to see the wisest decision. Sadly the majority of my thinking says its best to try something else (hence what I told my friend) because he is the first guy I have ever liked as a boyfriend so I don’t really know what variety is out there other than what I see in movies and the guys skateboarding around the school. Neither of which have me impressed. Because of that my hopes are anything but high.
So... opinions/advice anyone?
My best (and only) friend in the world and I have known each other online for over 2 years now and we were considering making the relationship we have more serious (as in from “just friends” to boyfriend/girlfriend if not more). We were planning on meeting late this summer to decide what to do officially until my mom insisted on seeing pictures of him. So, thinking it was innocent enough, I let her see his facebook profile (I will admit I had never looked at it before but it looked much better than the myspace which was very depressing in appearance. Yes I realize it was stupid of me to not look).
Not more than five minutes into her looking she brought up a picture of him holding a bottle of vodka in one hand and drinking some other form of alcohol in the other hand with another alcohol sticker on his forehead. Needless to say I was absolutely stunned because as far as I knew he didn’t drink.
He explained to me that the bottle was full of water and his cousin taking the picture was the alcoholic. I evplained his story to my parents and they said it simply doesnt float/hold water/whatever that saying is.
This of course turned into an interrogation of everything I knew about him while mom examined every possible bit of information on the site.
Very soon afterward mom (and dad who had joined by this point) concluded that I cannot be in a relationship with this person and I need to seek more “worthy” counterparts.
Their basic argument was that when a girl finds a guy and gets into a serious relationship with him she will drop or raise to the level he is at (they have numerous examples of this happening). And overall I should seek someone who is where I want to be in life (atm that would be pre-medical student or beyond) not just someone who is nice to me. And also according to them my friend and I have an astronomical difference in capability and are not even remotely on the same level.
The biggest issue that caused me to doubt my hopes of being with him is that my mom has a very frightening ability to predict and/or see everything about a person with only a small amount of information. (She has done that many times before)
My friend has argued that the pictures are 3 years old and nobody should judge people by what they see on the Internet. Also he has not been drunk since then and doesn’t plan to be.
The troubling thing was that I was almost willing to give up my chances at med-school to be with him when mom pointed out the girls tendency to shift to the guys level in life… that honestly scared me.
Basically as it stands right now my friend is barely graduating from college at an age where my dad was already out of college, had a job, and was taking care of a new family. (Yes there is an age difference between myself and my friend which raised yet another, though less significant, issue)
So at this point I had 3 options in mind:
1-I go against my parents advice/wishes (even though I have always trusted their opinion to be right)
2-I risk losing the best friend I have ever had and leave him in search of another guy
3-I basically say “forget all of it” and become a hermit or something like that since the chances of me finding a "good" boyfriend are slim and none, because it has already been concluded that I cant tell age to save my life and I have absolutely NO idea when a guy likes me. (An example of that would be a guy flirting with me while buying my textbooks this semester. Dad noticed. I didn’t. As far as I could tell the guy just wouldn’t shut up and was nosey as to what my major was. Dad had to explain it to me on the way to the car that the guy obviously liked me.
)I already told my friend that I am probably going to look for a guy this coming semester, which of course was not taken as a very good thing.
So basically I need to figure out which decision is best if any and I figured other opinions might help since I’ve been trying to figure this out for weeks and either cant or don’t actually want to see the wisest decision. Sadly the majority of my thinking says its best to try something else (hence what I told my friend) because he is the first guy I have ever liked as a boyfriend so I don’t really know what variety is out there other than what I see in movies and the guys skateboarding around the school. Neither of which have me impressed. Because of that my hopes are anything but high.
So... opinions/advice anyone?
Why can't he just stay your best friend? If he really is your best friend, why do you have to take it to the next level? If he were female, you wouldn't have this dilemma. You just may marry late in life, so accept it and "LIVE" your own life.
You're a whole person. There has to be a strict boundary as to where other people end and you begin. There are no overlaps. You don't know what the future holds for you. So, keep your future open to bright possibilities. You DO NOT want to end up supporting this guy or any other. Are you afraid of the future? Look, develop yourself to the highest level and then find your equal but you have to work on yourself before you do that. Tip: My own parents divorced after 48 years. They married at age 18. The romance started at age 14. My mother said, "I thought I knew him. I can't believe I'm divorced from your father after all these years. I wish I had done it when I was younger. Where is my youth? Can I have it back? Give me back my life!" My father, as cold as ice, married a woman younger than myself after he sucked all of Mom's juices out and tossed her aside like an old rind. And he did just as he pleased that whole 40 years too! After she made him a home-cooked meal even after working all day, he'd belch and then head out to one of his many mistresses houses for a quick lay. My mother knew , she just refused to BELIEVE it. I could kill him. But triple life imprisonment for homicide doesn't appeal to me. After 40 years, she realized that she actually didn't know him at all!! Pissed away a lifetime.
You might ask, "Well. did she at least get a good settlement?" The answer: Nope, all that they had, she worked for herself. She had to give half to him and of course for the witch mistress. It's not fair, is it? But it is a fact. So, he and his mistress, in essence, are sucking away at the last drops of blood my mother has. I've never felt such wrath! When my uncle divorced his wife for a younger woman, out of guilt, he gave her EVERYTHING!! But not my father, he wanted that money. When it is all spent, his new love will leave him the same way he left my mom. Ultimately, it was all about "the money". That girl will just find another stupid, old geezer and take his wife's money too. It's actually a life style these days. What I say is all TRUE!! So beware and be good to yourself. When your parents are gone, you have just yourself, so start liking yourself now while you're young!
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| I don't have friends and it's difficult to make them |
Yesterday, 5:05 am |
| What's your relationship style? |
09 Nov 2024, 6:48 am |
| Have you been in a romantic relationship with another Aspie? |
39 minutes ago |
| What makes the difference between being in a relationship or |
05 Nov 2024, 2:18 pm |
