Never had a girl friend.

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I fit into this category. My main problem is not attracting women, it is that I'm so far behind them with my relationship skills. I basically have the dating skills of an early teenager, because I've never had any experience. During those years(and through most of my life), I had panic disorder so bad that I couldn't even consider a relationship, and therefore never learned how it all works.

Now, I am so inexperienced that I am afraid to enter a relationship. I have so much to learn, and that takes time.....time that most women aren't willing to wait. Not to mention the fact that telling a woman that I am so inexperienced, is embarassing. I feel like I have to say something like, "I would like to date you, but you are going to have to wait a year or so before I am able to do normal dating things, because I am ret*d, relationship-wise" before considering a relationship. OK, this is starting to sound like a rant, so I will end it here. I wasn't really sure where I was going with it anyway. I guess I just wanted to get it off of my chest.

Yes, it sucks to have never had any dating experience. It sucks even more to know that your "lack of experience" works against you, as you get older.

Everyone has problems with relationship skills but they will improve over time because we all improve our skills one way or other.

I wouldn't go looking for a girl to date. I would look for a girl (or guy) to be friends with first. Sometimes relationships develop out of friendships. When you find someone who has similar interests as you, you have something to build a relationship on. I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 19. We were best friends. Ten years later we started dating and we went on to get married, have kids etc.

That's the idea behind my approach, but so far it's been one one-way ticket to the Friend Zone after another...

Pretty much what I'm doing with my friend. She's 22 and I'm 20.

This is what happened to me as well, then one day it was just like *snap* you realize it's more than that.

Just be yourself and if you are really that desperate then you can always meet online, think that might work better for most people.[/quote]


It's not that simple.

I've tried going online to meet women, but everytime I get close I'm always asked for credit card details.

Tell me about it!

I'd date you JB. I have had alot of experience but sometimes completely f**k up. I don't think about how you are supposed to act. I just act how I think which is usually very childish.

I remember watching a television program where a clearly attractive woman and a clearly attractive man frequented a college campus and asked random members of the opposite sex if they would like to sleep with them. Most of the men said yes and all of the women said no. Hardly a rigorous study but I think it was still illuminating in showing that there is such a thing as being too forward with women, and I'm not quite sure what the limit is precisely. I once considered asking a girl for her number at the end of the first conversation as a rule if I thought she was attractive, and that worked for me once, but I've since been told that's too forward as well. So I'm not sure how I can "put myself out there" because I'm not sure what that entails.

So my easiest course of action is to just be friendly and try to (mostly) treat girls like guys, but that hasn't gotten me anywhere. Being friends with girls in the pretense of eventually having a relationship with them (somehow?) has not been a fruitful strategy, and has ultimately been destructive to my friendships.

I'm sure both "putting yourself out there" and making relationships out of friendships has worked for some people, but I'd say it's likely that there are nuances in both of these vaguely-expressed methods that I'm missing.

It seems like most of the girls I know are in relationships. The one's who aren't I'm just friends with. I meet people through my hobbies but unfortunately very few girls turn up to the local games shop for Wednesday Night Magic, or go to the games and roleplaying society, and the ones that do are in relationships (often with guys from the same society).

I really identify with this. On one hand, I'd love to be in a relationship but through past experiences I come off as childish and way behind in dating.

In my experience, dating was not enjoyable in fact I felt like I was being judged off American Idol. That's how I look at dating when you don't know that person well enough. It's like things are already moving too fast.



I've had this happen to me with guys. I felt like a prude because I couldn't move on with the intimacy and everything else that goes beyond the boundaries of friendship. The guy I dated told me I must not be interested in him because I didn't want to go to next base....and no I'm not asexual. I just didn't feel ready...which is something I still haven't gotten over. Like there's something wrong with me for not wanting sex right away. I even know women who get enthusiastic about it like "Yes we finally DID IT...and in the kitchen!! !

And here's my reaction everytime I hear about it...



Hahaha...I had a similar experience. I almost told a guy that I had aspergers but thought better of it. Instead I just told him I hadn't dated in a while which was a lie. In fact, I hadn't dated before. Sometimes I wonder if guys find it undesirable in women to be old enough to have dated but haven't yet. I still feel like that which worries me. I'd have to say the same thing..."I'm sorry but you're going to have to give me time to adjust because I'm ret*d at this kind of stuff." I don't think no guy would take it well.

I think this is why at my age I'm embarassed to even pursue a relationship because most people around my age range have already gone through the highschool puppy love to marriages. I must admit, I wouldn't blame someone in their right mind for breaking it off with me or not even seeing it worth a chance. It would be like waiting for Sleeping Beauty to wake up and smell the coffee.

In summary, I'd probably have to be friends with that person for a while before I was brave enough to get comfortable with them. Most guys I know don't like to be thought of as a friend if they're wanting to go past that or having to wait. So fat chance.....

What happened to the good ol' days when arranged marriages were practiced?

I wouldn't want to go for that. I have just spent eleven years being married to the WRONG man. Much better to be single than to constantly be stuck suffering the consequences of someone else's idiotic, irresponsible, and selfish choices.

I've never even come close to finding a girlfriend. Even if "that one person" did exist, how would I know that we are right for each other? I don't experience "attraction" to anyone.

For everyone that piped in on this topic in the affirmative (including the OP), I would ask you to read this wiki entry, and then respond back whether this describes you or your experiences/life:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness

I would be really curious to see if there was any overlap.

Also, if you think you are just cold and disinterested in general, does this describe you?:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_p ... y_disorder