nt girl and aspie guy

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You need to remember that an Aspie will interpret romance as a drop down menu. When a situation arises he will look at various options, and choose the one that best works with the facts at hand, regardless of what he feels. You would have to be committed to being a bit more vulnerable, supplying him with facts regarding your intentions. This way he can make better choices. He could be wildly in love with you, but if he does not get a very clear ok from your side, he will not act.

And btw, stuff the alcohol idea.....it brings a lot more negatives than positives, and he might not enjoy the loss of control at all. I know I don't!!

If you get the relationship happening, be sure that he is assured in the first part of the relationship. We tend to doubt that anything good can happen to us. The next morning after a kiss my thoughts are always "What if she thinks she made a mistake? Was it real? I am not so sure she likes me?" The first contact after a nice evening can be extremely stressfull....... A simple text saying "Thinking of you" will normally settle me down a lot.

Careful here, for some Aspies (like myself) the alcohol idea would be a really good one. It helps on skipping the rationalisations and most of the problems that you described here. Though of course whether or not it will work will depend on both personalities.

You are right, after I gave it some though. Some Aspies would benefit from a mild intake of alcohol to just dull the need to rationalize. I was speaking from a subjective point of view.

From my own experience:

Be honest to him, just open up and state clearly what you what, this might be unromantic but it works with Aspies, and in the end, romance will grow as you become comfortable in your new roles.

Maybe don't get him into a club or restaurant to declare your feelings. While this is romantic, it might not be his/your normal environment, a little unnatural, and puts pressure on you both. Try speak to him somewhere where you normally hang, or go somewhere where there aren't a lot of people, eg talk a walk through a park. This way, you can focus on each other in a non threatening environment.

Good luck! And don't worry about how you bring up the topic. Who really remembers?

Thanks!
As for drinking, no it won't happen, i feel i'm too young and to be honest i don't really want to get him or me into that type of situation.

Glad to hear that you like my suggestion, danceyourdance. (Great name, by the way.) Here's a slight elaboration on it. After you and your aspie friend had a few fun dances, go sit with him in a quiet area, where there are few people around, like a courtyard or a patio. If the place you'll be going to has a courtyard or an outdoor seating area, these areas work great. Set the tone by sitting very close and/or touching his hand. Slip in suggestive questions, like "do you think you're a good kisser?" He'll most likely take the question literally and try answer it, at which point, you can say "how about I find out for myself?" Then go in for the kiss. Be prepared for an unusual reaction on his part. If he feels like it, go back to the dance floor and continue having fun. Give him another kiss when you two say goodnight. Like DaLoCo pointed out, call or send a text message next day. (It sounds like a bit of a role reversal, lol.) Say something like: "I had a really nice time last night; let's get together again". This way, he'll know that the kiss wasn't a fluke.

Once the initial step is compete, and it's clear that both of you want to date romantically, enjoy your new roles as dating partners. (I use the phrase "boyfriend and girlfriend" for more serious stages, rather than the beginning of a relationship.) Aspies can be one of the best romantic partners you can find. Their honesty and loyalty easily trumps their difficulty with understanding emotions. In time, he'll pick up on some of the NT skills you might want him to have, and you'll have a great relationship all along. I wish the best of luck to both of you.

Could give you tons of advice from your boyfriends point of view, but you already have enough to wright a dating-guide.

He might not enjoy dancing if it's not a dance with certain rules he can understand and follow. To just move his body randomly will most likley intimidate him.

And if he's angry or sad (or anything like that) give him some space, he needs feel that he has regained control of himself before he lets you close again.

Some day I hope I find a girl like you, you seems nice.
Good luck too both of you.

Careful, there... that depends greatly on where you are - supplying alcohol to minors, even your own children, is a relatively significant offense in Arizona. While I understand the concern, I think forbidding things make them more desired and therefore more likely to create problems later. Limited early experience is a better route to my way of thinking.


M.

Oh yeah, I forgot about the near Islamic attitude to alcohol in some US states. I also remember ignoring it when I was over there, along with some other silly laws.

What you do is up to you; be careful about advocating that a minor break the law of their area. Our opinions of the laws doesn't affect those in regional charge from implementing them.


M.

The minor cannot be realistically be punished under those laws afaik, so really unless one of them grassed about who supplied them with booze, the law is unenforcible.

Thanks for all the advice!
and please don't have major discussion over drinking...

As of right now i haven't told him i like him...i have hinted that i'm unsure and don't want to mess up our friendship. In my opinion it seems like he is flirting, and what i want to know is does he like me...because if he doesn't i don't want to bother going after him

In Arizona, US (these are state laws, not including specific city laws which may be more severe)...

...a minor is consumption can reasonably expect a year's probation and community service with a class 3 misdemeanor. All other laws will be applied, including DUI and open container laws. Jail time and fines are possible.
...one who supplies alcohol to a minor, regardless of familial affiliation, can be charged with a class 1 misdemeanor, including a $2500US fine, fees almost equivalent to the fine, and six months in jail - even for a first offense.

There are instances of city council members and their families in the Phoenix suburbs getting nailed for these violations. Don't presume a law unenforceable based on your local experience.


M.

That is totally ridiculous, you would get treated a lot better in some Arab nations ffs.

Welcome to American Puritanism.


M.

Ok thanks, can i request that this ongoing discussion regarding underage drinking and DUI end, i don't want to be rude but this is the second time that my topic has been bombarded by a totaly unneeded discussion.

maybe this could continue somewhere else?