so I told him...and i got a weird response

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frodosam
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31 Jan 2009, 2:24 am

It's great that he wants to talk about it -it shows he is interesting in having a relationship with you but probably unsure what that means and what he is required to do. Now is the time to show him what that means. Instead of talking, take him on a date and begin to act like you are in a relationship.

Do this slowly, for instance you could try holding his hand. Also, for the first official 'date', be 90% just his friend still, and add 10% of girlfriendness. Make it a slow transition, only doing what you are both comfortable with. A relationship shouldn't be stressful or make him confused - you might have to put in a little extra work to help him.

Do you have any friends who are boyfriend and girlfriend? An idea could be to go on a double date with them at somepoint, to allow him and you to observe what a couple does. I hope you can be with him happily.



protest_the_hero
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31 Jan 2009, 12:41 pm

I've had people say "I don't think he likes me" or "Are you mad at me?" when they're just readin me all wrong.



Silvervarg
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31 Jan 2009, 1:37 pm

Quote:
HIM
yea, was i completely clear last night? i got a feeling i wasnt

ME
no you were not really.... :/

HIM
oh, im sorry, do u have any questions i didnt answer?

ME
Well…your response was just odd...its okay though

HIM
well sorry about that…

The hightlighted part is where you got it wrong, he (probobly) don't know if you thought he was acting weird or didn't respond clearly enought. :)

You should have said that you didn't quite got what he meant. :)

But most likley he likes you, otherwise he would have told you, that he's reacting like that means that the respond he's trying to make is new to him. :D

Hang in there. ;)


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CJBinks
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31 Jan 2009, 3:43 pm

danceyourdance wrote:
So i've posted 2 other threads about this, but they are now old news.
Basically i'm a NT girl, who likes a friend of mine who is an aspie
We are 16 and 17.

So today over IM i explained my feelings....that i didn't want to rush, and i didn't know how he felt and i needed to get it off my chest.

He totaly confused me, with some weird responses, no direct acknolegment and after a while he just said he didn't want anything to change. (after i told him the story of my ex...which was a bad idea)

ARGH
does this mean he doesn't like me? because it sounds like he does in the past...and i didn't get a direct answer.
and i don't wana seem over obessed with the subject...



Sigh.

NTs can be soooo strange.

Um, look. If he really is an aspie, he doesn't have the slightest clue what to do. NTs seem to have this stuff hard wired, but aspies don't. For him, this probably came winging out of left field. Right now your conversations are placeholders. If he didn't like you, he'd clam up. The fact that he is talking means he is trying to figure out a way forward but is vapor-locking over it. As others have said, it going to take a little time. Right now, he probably can't sleep at night and is trying to work out the logic of the situation and hadn't quite come to the conclusion that there isn't any.

That can be tough for an aspie to accept.

Keep talking to him. Don't indicate you feel he is weird, odd, strange or not acting properly. Heck, you might want to consider being bold, grabbing him and planting a big old kiss on him. He might pass out, though.

That is what I did when confronted with that situation. It gave us something to laugh about later...



danceyourdance
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31 Jan 2009, 5:00 pm

Well i've been talking to him more, and really its he is trying very hard to talk to me more and even try and flirt.
Its all working out, and if we are ment to be it will happen, when time is right i will make the move.



frodosam
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31 Jan 2009, 10:28 pm

Quote:
Well i've been talking to him more, and really its he is trying very hard to talk to me more and even try and flirt.
Its all working out, and if we are ment to be it will happen, when time is right i will make the move.


Fantastic, good luck!



ToadOfSteel
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31 Jan 2009, 10:39 pm

danceyourdance wrote:
Well i've been talking to him more, and really its he is trying very hard to talk to me more and even try and flirt.
Its all working out, and if we are ment to be it will happen, when time is right i will make the move.


If he's trying, that's pretty much a surefire sign he loves you...



Silvervarg
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01 Feb 2009, 6:34 pm

danceyourdance wrote:
Well i've been talking to him more, and really its he is trying very hard to talk to me more and even try and flirt.
Its all working out, and if we are ment to be it will happen, when time is right i will make the move.


You already got him, you might want to tell him a little gently what steps he should take. (Or take them first, so he knows what's "valid".)


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danceyourdance
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04 Feb 2009, 7:36 pm

UPDATE

Well we talk everyday online, and at school a bit. Although its harder at school, becaue my friends know i like him so they mess around and tease (nicely) me.

Online tonight, he was taking about how he doesn't like being touched, like if a teacher pats him on the back.
He told me he is trying to get over it, but even hugs from his mom bother him.
I asked him "well you said you wanted a gf, but doesn't that type of relationship involve touching?"
His response "yes, and i'm still trying to get over it and i'm willing to work on it....plus that type of situation really isn't so bad"

lol i dunno if its his aspergers or what but i constantly catch him staring at me...then i look up and he immeadiately looks away, even my friends have noticed.

:D



TheMidnightJudge
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04 Feb 2009, 8:37 pm

danceyourdance wrote:
lol i dunno if its his aspergers or what but i constantly catch him staring at me...then i look up and he immeadiately looks away, even my friends have noticed.
:D


I've totally done that. I was convinced if she wasn't looking at me she wouldn't be able to tell I was looking at her.

It's kinda nice to see this relationship forming. It makes me less cynical.


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danceyourdance
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04 Feb 2009, 9:13 pm

ME:

hey i forgot. u were in my dream last night!
i forgot what happend though...:(:(
we were at someones house
thats all i remember
and it was me and u and this other person who obv wasn't important
and we were all sitting on the floor
haha

HIM:
um, yea, thats interesting

ME:
lol
well
i thought u deserved to know :P

HIM:
ok, i know i think about u alot...




That made me smile :)



frodosam
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04 Feb 2009, 10:43 pm

That's really sweet, keep on at it, sounds like you two are getting closer and more open with each other.



CMaximus
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04 Feb 2009, 10:50 pm

You might consider the need to be more proactive than you'd ever expect you would have to be, and abandon any notions of coyness or subtlety.

I know back in the day (Guess I'm old now) I completely dropped the ball a few different times with girls who were interested in me just because I had no confidence or any other strong enough evidence to do anything, and didn't really know how to respond in the first place anyway, so I'd just tell myself, "Nah..."

Even though you'll likely have a really hard time seeing it, you might also REALLY be surprised by how he actually feels. (In a good way)