A Good Man is Hard to Find...

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hey fotojunkie, sounds like there's a crowd of guys jostling for positon, lick spitting down cow licks and brushing off dandruff over on the Aspie Affection forum waiting for you to post.

i think that you have been unfortunate enough from what you say to have hooked up with some inadequate blokes so far.

if it means not being in a relationship for a while so be it; but don't sell yourself short.

LOL You are too funny!

I wish that what you said was true. Unfortunately, the only males who seem to be paying attention to me these days are freaks on the Metro (subway). Some of them scare me a little.

Yeah, single is looking pretty good right now.

I just don't have the energy right now to deal with people who don't understand me or don't accept me.

Unfortunately, such a man as you seem to want could only be found already in a long-term committed relationship. Respect is earned, not given, and it takes time and effort to raise the level of respect in a relationship up to the point you desire.

I'm sorry there are so many jerks out there. Maybe if the nice girls left them alone, they'd have only the emasculating harridans to hook up with, those women would leave nice guys alone long enough for nice girls to find them.

Naaa ... it'd never work!

My personal route is that I don't give my trust to someone unless they've earned it. If he's abusive (been there done that myself) then he doesn't deserve to know something so personal about you. It just makes the whole breakup part a lot worse because you've invested so much of yourself in the relationship. When you find a guy who treats you well and earns your trust, and shows you respect, then yes I would tell him. If you don't, the whole idea of keeping something from him can backfire on you.

Well when you tell someone you're AS, you need to make sure they know you first so their definition of you isn't "autistic person". Furthermore, make sure they understand that label doesn't change who you are, it just explains a few things.

..and all this time the women were telling me a hard man is good to find...neither here nor there..

A lot of women go through a 'bad boy' stage, but this seems more intense than that. What they're saying is true; you're outnumbered here either a 150, or 1,300 to 1.

If that's your picture, you've got a good chance out there still. It's just finding the one in a million you want.

You'll eventually want to share your AS 'secret' with a guy, but let the relationship develop enough to where they can handle it. I kinda got into the same problem; it turned out an ex of mine was bipolar (6 months 'up, and 7 years 'down').

hope you find out what you're looking for.

This still doesn't strike me as anything to really worry about. You've had two bad relationships. Telling them about AS may have made things worse but it seems as if it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

I know some men, about my age, who treat women quite badly. Their way of flirting is pretty nasty and they hold women to double standards. But at the same time I know plenty of men who don't. TheMidnightJudge is spot-on and contrary to what some are saying I'm sure most guys would understand if they got to know you well enough.

I so agree with you, I've made that mistake in the past and I am learning better not to repeat it. But yeah, my trust will have to be earned from now on.... never assumed.

That's what I thought was the case. I thought he knew me well and my "coming clean" would explain some things. He did read a little about it, but seemed unable to recognize that I have my own set of symptoms. He put others' symptoms, about whom he had read, onto me.

Maybe I need to look for smarter guys in the future???

Oh, dear, it hasn't been just two bad relationships! Those are just the most recent! My love life has been one big drama, two extremely abusive husbands, one cheater, one closet gay, one selfish, bi polar pr*** (sorry, no better word for it) and a string of losers.

I have met a couple of "good guys" in my life, but I let them slip through my fingers. One was considerable older than I and I thought it wouldn't work (I was 20 adn he was 38). Were we to get together now, it would be fine. The other adored me from the time I was 14 until I was in my late 20's. He kept coming back to me until someone close to me said, "What are you going to do when he marries you then finds out how you really are?"

I wasn't sure what the meant, but this person had known me from birth and in my reasoning, had to know how I "really was" so I went to him and said horrible things. I ensured that he would never want to see me again. That was about 10 years ago and he has not surfaced again. I think about him often, though. He was really good to me.

I have since come to realize that the person who said that to me had their own set of issues. How I "really am" is OK. I am the most loyal, honest person you will ever meet. I am nurturing, loving and accepting. I have been told that I am a good partner and very easy to live with.

Who I really am is great -- I'm a rockstar!

Yeah I've had very similiar experiences without the marriages though.

You know what? A good woman is just as hard to find as a good man!
Ive had awesomely bad luck with women and the last 2 relationships involved
women who were extremely manipulative and full of themselves...