Women having trouble finding any decent guys-newspaper

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Part of the problem is that our (at least in the US) educational system favors females. Females are more likely to have advanced degrees than males. At some universities, the ratio is 65/35 in favor of females, and the females tend to concentrate more on studying while the guys are mainly looking to get laid, they really don't care about books. So in the end you have a large female population that is highly educated and knows proper grammar, and a large male population that is poorly educated and that tends to write in 1337 sp33k or in texting type writing or simply badly.

Guys also tend to be tracked into vocational work, while women work in offices. There's a large skills gap. Since birds of a feather fly together, the office pool tends to look down upon the workingmen. There's always women who like construction workers or firemen, probably because of perceived virility, but most women like a man like themselves, an educated professional, and there simply aren't very many, and they tend to be snapped up fast.

Our educational system tends to be heavily concentrated during the ages 15-25, which is the time of maximum sexual potency for males. They have an irresistible drive to have sex, while the girl he's trying to score with just wants to have her nose in a book. So the guy spends his time banging hookers or "easy" girls (aka "sluts"), then he suddenly notices one day that while he's been sowing his wild oats that all the girls have been getting MBA's. Suddenly, he is limited to the sluts, who by now are all used up and have several kids and trashed looks from all the drugs. The MBA women don't want him. Then the women complain that there are no men.

I think that we should allow men to opt out of education at 16 or something, let them bang the older women, then when they're exhausted they can come back and get educated. Most men in HS and college are there just to get laid, and this is innate, while the women are serious about studying. We don't allow men to sow the wild oats and come back later. So the men end up with nothing, with some used up former slut woman and little education and few job prospects. The men with limited sex drives are ironically the ones who get all the girls because they're the ones who paid attention in school. This means that cheating is rampant.

I never lived in the US, but something tells me that what you wrote here is very misleading and untrue.

I think people generalize too much when it comes to men and women. Putting aside for a moment Aspie complications, a lot of it just comes down to what kind of person you are, the sort of people you're drawn towards, your job, your interests, the city you live in, physical appearance. These are completely subjective, mutable things. Maybe you work constantly and the only members of the opposite sex you meet are coworkers and people stumbling around the bar you hit up with your friends every weekend. Maybe you're sensitive, thin, and creative and you keep going for bleach-blond, tanned girls in minskirts that hang around bars loaded with brutish jock-types with a monotone laugh. Maybe you like experimental music and foreign films and you keep trying to hit on goth girls whose idea of culture starts and stops with Jhonen Vasquez and The Nightmare Before Christmas. Or maybe you try to "hit on" women instead of just talking to them like a normal person.

I'm not claiming I have some secret to successful dating or maintaining a successful relationship, because I'm pretty crap at both, but people fixate too much on societal stereotypes. Quite a few women might like muscular, Alpha Male sort of guys, but I also know that the sort of women I'm attracted to don't tend to want that sort of guy any more than I want to be one.

If anything ever prevented me from getting a date, it's that I'm a complete headcase with heaps of insecurities, abandonment issues, a serious lack of social grace, and looks that are somewhere between "rugged, Germanic" and "f*****g weird." Muscles and a good job wouldn't do much to change any of that, except that you could toss "credit card debt" into the mix somewhere.

Online dating could be an answer, Vogels suggests, as it allows people to narrow their search by location.

Men and women in Saskatoon use the Internet to find dates, and the evidence is in the number of posts on dating sites like Cupid.com

the article is just tricky advertisement for two online dating sites.

I joined an online dating site a while ago, and also signed up to AspieAffections. My experiences haven't been particularly successful.

On the other more general dating site (linked to a popular newspaper in the UK), I didn't meet the requirements for a lot of guys, because even guys my own age or a couple of years older, most of them wanted women who were younger than them, and me. So, I'm 39 and I put my wanted age range as 29-49, so ten years younger or older. Some guys who are ten years younger than me might be too young in attitude but some might be more mature, it would depend on the indivual. Whereas I've seen profiles for guys in their early 30s who specify 20-30, or late 30s who specify 25-35. I might be the same age, but they tend to have more narrow age ranges, and other search criteria, so maybe if they're searching for women who match their criteria, I wouldn't come up in the search results. Or some of them specify that they're looking for a slim, blonde woman. I'm curvy and brunette. It seems as though the guys are much more interested in superficial criteria like hair colour and size (I've had relationships with average height and tall guys, guys who are European and Asian, guys who are average graduates in average jobs, to guys who have postgrads and who are extremely intelligent, guys who aren't well off to guys who are relatively wealthy.

One thing that I would say though is that some things I do find really offputting... if a guy specifies his interests as sport, football, rugby, cricket, darts and so on, along with video games... I just think I wouldn't have that much in common with him, and I would think he wouldn't have much time in his life for a girlfriend. Maybe I'm wrong, but if a guy says video games, I just envision coming home from work, having dinner, and then him going off to the study or our bedroom and spending hours playing video games and ignoring me and saying Not now, not know I've nearly got a high score... I just imagine someone who's pretty monosyllabic and too engrossed in gaming to notice me (and I had a little bit of experience when me and an ex that I lived with got a PC and he became a bit obsessed with playing for a while).

And likewise sport, again, maybe I'm making assumptions, I wouldn't mind a guy who watches the occasional match, but someone whose life revolves around the fixtures and whose weekends are taken up with football, well I don't want to be a 'football widow'. Yes, I do like watching the occasional match myself, but I do think it's off-putting if a guy lists two or three interests and they are football, video gaming, and sci fi. I'd be much more interested in a guy who lists interests like cinema, music, theatre, reading, rambling, cooking.

I must admit, I am a bit of a spelling snob. If a guy sends me a message, and he can't spell (unless he's dyslexic) or writes in txt spk, then I would find that a huge turn off.

This is an interesting thread... The comments about school and education are interesting. I have a degree and am intelligent, but many university people think I am white trash because I disagree with them about 90% of the time on social issues. This is a problem because I was in social sciences and then realized I hated them. I'll probably end up working on an oilrig or driving a dump truck in the middle of nowhere, so if this turns off the golddiggers and professional women, fine. I've been in university for 4 years and couldn't get a girlfriend there so I don't really care if I continue to be single.

Well you don't necessarily have to be rich or upscale to attract women unless it's the gold diggers or professional women you want......

Not all women are exclusively attracted to that.

I mean my sister married a bum who didn't work at all...not to sound offensive but he never helped out and still never has...

If you work at all, at least it shows you're willing to help out or aren't living off of her just as she works and is willing to also share her part.

Anyway...I guess I still don't comprehend what you're saying but que sera sera.

Doesn't it?

The types thing isn't just mere stereotyping though....for instance in my case there is a only small demograhic of men who like anaemic pale, small women with waistlength redblonde hair...and unfortunately they tend to be cliched, pseudo-arty types. If I am described as pre-raphaelite again I may kill or maim. If you can fit the confines of a "type", people will assume that's what you are and relate to you accordingly. Unfortunately, from these posts, as a whole there is far more depth and complexity to most of us AS people than the average person can infer.


Aside from socialising less than Howard Hughes, some of the many reasons I am likely to remain a spinster now is I take science seriously but enjoy making fun of it, I am a social liability(either semi mute or innapropriate fact sharing) I'm older than I look , not comfortable in how I look( I get patronised with "cute" and "sweet" a lot) and am intolerant of triteness. I am therefore not likely to meet anyone age appropriate or a serious scientist, and even if I did, what are you meant to do with them? I can't see how relationships work when human beings are like kryptonite to AS

To me, women seem REALLY stuck-up these days. They won't bother even talking to you unless you're somehow their idea of a completely flawless dream man. I used to be on a dating site, but all the women there were really stuck up and never responded to me. None ever messaged me either. It bothers me how closed-minded they are about this. You really never truly know what you want until you find it.

And men aren't stuck up or picky about the way they want their women to look and act?

Hahahaha....

I got news for you buddy, both genders seem pretty damn stuck up in my experiences with dating sites.

Men are very picky as well...yet you imply nowadays..so I guess you're saying women aren't suppose to be like that.

Yeah, well duh, everyone knows a lot of men are picky about looks. I just didn't mention that because this post was about women. Though the pickier guys tend to be the arrogant megalomanics... I'm not one of those, personally.

While I totally agree with you, I think there are some lopsided aspects of contemporary dating that favor women over men, especially AS women over AS men. If all guys want are looks and women want a good looking guy, but more importantly a guy with high social status and skills, you will agree that AS men are worse off in that equation.

I'm not going to agree on which gender is far off worse than the other since we really haven't taken to account what women have to put up with as well as men.

I agree that a guy has it tough but I don't think IMO it's much worse when you take into consideration the other side of the spectrum I never raise these issues up b/c guys seem to get angry as they have no inkling of what it's like...not all guys but many who have never experienced or agree how hard a given situation is.

For me, I feel like in the past I attracted guys who took me for an idiot. Mind you, I am bit socially ret*d but not THAT dumb. I've even had guys grope me without my permission. The reason I don't like to bring this up is guys or most of the guys in this forum seem to think any attention is better than no attention. For me, it's been the opposite...not specifically guys but a type of guys I seem to attract.

It's also been my experience that guys are very picky in how they won't their ladies to look. Now try dressing up and looking as femenine as possible just so you can attract a guy FOREVER...not that I'm against that aspect but it is hard for most women to be that high maintenance.

I also think guys don't want just a good looking girl. That might be the first thing that attracts them but eventually they get really find out what your personality is like and that's where sex appeal comes in. This is has always been my problem and I've been called prude and a cold hearted b***h for not being able to express myself sexually....mind you the last guy that did it seem like a very nice guy for a while.

As for attraction, I'm not lucky in this regard yet I seem to attract what I consider the wrong kind of behavior from guys. Since I have no car, I walk to and fro. It is a bit intimidating whenever a guy honks at me or screams out his window..."Hey baby" I don't know why but it's one thing I dread about among other things before stepping outside just to walk to the grocery store.

My communication skills are bad and it's embarassing when even guys point this out to me. It's not appealing or sexy to most guys I don't think unless of course you're a mute.

As I've said before, not ALL women go for the cars, the money, the house, and so on. In fact, I've been around a number of girls including my two sisters who are doing the working. So it's not what all women go for including myself. I think it depends on the type of girl you're looking for. I've known some girls who were only interested in money and social status. Usually these types of girls are right up there in the high maintenance department as well as wanting to be taken care of. I don't know why most guys go for these girls except for you know what... and usually or at least in my observation they come off just as superficial.

Anyway, I know I'll remain a spinster because I'm now 27 and most guys like their women younger not to mention hot and outgoing. So from my perspective of being a female, it ain't all good or easy. I think many guys assume all females look great when they categorize women in general on here. It ain't great for the plain janes who are already struggling with social skills and self-esteem.

I may be wrong, but I'm just putting it in my own experiences and reflections.

No, you're right and you make good points. I think part of the problem is the way that society is going, we are getting so focused on looks and excitement that positive character traits are put on the backburner. Also, because of this I think most women who are really pretty want to play the role that society lets them play in life and become demanding with bad character traits. Unfortunately, they will get more attention than a plain jane girl who is probably a much better person. I try to do my part by not going after the high maintenance girls, and trying to get to know the girls who probably get ignored by most guys. I am not oblivious to their plight, and I know that I am not what the hot girl wants. Yes guys can be pretty superficial and are looking for sex with those girls, otherwise they wouldn't give them any attention. Why would you want to be with someone who has so many bad character traits otherwise? The obvious solution would be for both genders to stop playing games and be honest. For guys to refuse to put up with the high maintenance women and their garbage, and for women who say they want a nice guy to actually date one. But we all know that won't happen

This post made me laugh, Space - in a nice way! I work in the mining industry, and trust me: the guys on the oil rigs and driving dump trucks are pulling in close to $150,000, and though many of them are great guys a lot of them are not... not very bright. They are EXACTLY the men that golddiggers go after, because they work away (giving ample opportunity to have multiple boyfriends simultaneously), are "easy" to control (sex, basically) and rake in the cash. I know countless men on the mines who are great but average in pretty much every way, and have two+ kids with two+ different women, are paying them all maintenance (and a LOT of maintenance) and who still find themselves literally leapt upon by women, most of whom, to be honest, are only wanting to use them for their money. Trust me, in the environment I live in anyway, a mine-site dump truck driver will get way more female attention than a mid-level city lawyer.

I also found the posts about education interesting.... I have to say, though, when I was at uni I'd look at the guys I was in class with (all very bright, bound to be successful) and then looked out the window onto the construction site and, uh, to be honest - I'd much rather have dated a construction worker. The problem is, I'm not attracted to people who aren't intelligent - but I also find men who do actual WORK for a living to be attractive. Most men with high intelligence (that I know, anyway) get driven into academics and ultimately into various types of paper-pushing jobs... which frankly I find about as sexy as a potato.

I have to say, though, that I find the article's claim that there are no decent guys to be pretty offensive - I know a lot of men who can't find any decent women either. In today's society we are getting increasingly selfish and fussy about what we expect in a partner, and the easiest solution to a problem is to break up rather than work through it.... I also know a LOT of people who act without thinking about the feelings of others. Sadly, I don't think it's an issue that's going to be resolved any time soon.

I find this thread very therapeutic. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has these problems. It's even better knowing females are having problems too. After being around so many young women in college who were so sexually liberated they could do anyone they want, always got what they wanted, and had a school system tailored to their needs while I was pushed through special ed my whole life and not properly prepared for college, it started to get to me. So I really began to feel like there was this superior social class in America, a matriarchal class. While I'm not saying my observations are illusions, I received the messages loud and clear about what it means for someone like me to be a male in this society, it's refreshing to hear it's not completely lop sided.

Don't despair! I totally go for your type and I'm totally not one of those cliche'd artsy types that you mention. I like art, but I'm real down to earth about it and have no airs about being "cultured".


I can relate to that. I'm studying to be a physicist (but the sort of stuff I want to do as a physicist is more philosophical, but that's a totally different story) and it's hard for me to find anyone who can match me on my level of intuitive understanding of the "bigger picture". I have a totally different way of seeing science than other people. Also I'm a social misfit, so if I ever did cross paths with someone who'd make a good match with me, being as socially inept as I am I'd probably totally miss the opportunity.


I turn 28 pretty soon and I"d totally go for a woman whose 27 (or 35 for that matter) and "average". There's someone who's "average" that works in my department that I want to ask out. The only thing which has held me back is I don't want her to learn too much about me and thus tell the rest of the staff and then the professors. It'd be embarrassing! Some things are better left unknown. I'm not perfect, but I'm most certainly a decent guy. It's just there's this hard shell around me. It's hard for women to get to know me. But if one ever does she'll be overwhelmed with the passion I keep buried deep inside of me. I'm a romantic by nature. It's so sad too. So many women want that in a guy but they don't try to get to know me (or have these weird expectations that I don't meet right away and so I'm discarded) and they miss out. And here I am totally unable to know how to make myself known to them.