Anyone else not looking because you are sick of rejection?

Post Reply New Topic

Just a side question: what part of jersey are you from?

Oh, yeah, umm, I definitely agree with you on that statement as well... it sounds really condescending when they say "nice guy" as a rejection...

I don't even get the 'you're a nice guy,' sort of thing. It's the silent treatment like I don't exist. So screw them all. I've got better things to do than trying to appease other people.

This I think is a key concept, not just for Aspie's, but NT's as well.

To those who posted -- what kind of people are rejecting you? What attracted you to them? Did you think they were really a good match for you, or was it wishful thinking? Did you like their looks, but not know about their personality or interests?

If you randomly approach 100 women, yep, you're going to get a lot of rejection (and probably also the occasional victory). But if you carefully pick and choose who you go after, based on other factors, like interests, status (both social and marital/relationship), and (especially important) whether the person has actually showed signs they are interested in you, you'll see a lot less rejection.

Honestly, once I caught onto that last bit, I really didn't see much rejection anymore. Yeah, once in a while someone will send the wrong signals, and either mess with your head or really not realize how out of sync the signals they were sending you were (someone overly flirty or an attention whore, for instance), but much of the time, if you know what to look for, even as an Aspie, you can start honing in on the likely prospects.

This is the key point - Attraction isn't random, and relationships don't happen randomly. Don't expect just any girl off the street to be interested. Women usually make the choice in these matters, and signal guys who they are interested in. And sometimes they signal just to see if they "still have it," even when they're not available. Resist the urge to get angry, keep that person in your rolodex, and move on (but stay in contact). Keep your social avenues open, because today's polite rejection could be tomorrow's GF -- just don't be a pest, and have other things and people going on in your life.

ive been like that for a few years. quit even chatting up chicks online.

but then i got a online long-distance thing, that was fun for a few months, and has been on-and-off HELL for the past, idunno, 3 pointless years.

it ended before xmas. it ended again a week ago, and most likely it ended once again tonight.
needless to say, its beyond hanging from a thread now, its hanging from, i dunno... molecular strings...

and i wont go into the details, cus in all aspects, i turn out to be the gullible moron loser, and all advice i get are "dump her", but like thread-starter points out...
im closing in to my 30's.
i have an average of one date, every 12 years.

2+2

Well, I've given up as all women I am ever interested in fall into at least one of the following categories (in fact, all save one fall into at least two):

- They avoid me like the plague as soon as they detect the slightest hint of dating/romantic interest from me. (this is the only one that angers me)
- They are very much already taken for the long haul
- They are blatantly and obviously incompatible, so even if she said yes it would all go to the dogs pretty much from the word go.

In years, only one woman has shown any attraction to me. This was actually worse than zero, because she was pretty drunk and didn't know me well, and once sober couldn't look me in the face (she's very much NT, so no visual contact issues). It isn't exactly encouraging when the only way anyone is ever attracted to you is when they're very drunk, but as soon as they sober up, they'd rather be torn apart by wild horses. I barely even greet her when I run into her.
Oh, and it's not looks that are the deciding factor in whether I'm attracted. If the girl seems nice, and seems authentic, and isn't stupid, that's largely all it takes. Since I know zero girls like this that don't fall into the 3 categories above, what's the point? It's a case of where there is no solution, there is no problem. It's the freedom of despair; no wife, no kids, not now, not ever, so I'm free to do largely as I please with my life.

Most of the time, shyness and visible inexperience is the cause of rejection. In my experience, women (generally speaking), are shallow and notoriously egocentric, just like the rest of our neo-culture. I've got plenty of experience with women, but I can't stand their way of thinking. This is the sole reason why I'm not looking.

I find most people in the dating world shallow to begin with or at least on sites.

I find most people in general shallow.

and thus concludes another generalization to misanthropy. Same time tomorrow?

That concludes our program of Aspies Invading Earth!

Goodnight folks.

Tommorow watch for Aspies Attack!

I often used to get "I want a more 'feeling' girlfriend" when I used to 'date' (go out places, hang out with them), usually breakups happened when they realized that I don't like to be hugged/held/cuddled all the time, nor do I want every waking hour to consist of them (to the point where they are literally cutting you away from your friends).

I also have apparently high expectations of what I want in a relationship, which everyone I talk to says they sound normal ('great' dumping line - "I can't stand up to your expectations" - also known as the "it's you not me")

Last edited by Lily_cat on 10 Mar 2009, 12:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

...

Know thy audience...

Wow... You don't happen to be me, do you?

Also, I hereby declare that awesome dumping line for adopted.

Ditto here, although I'm 21 years your junior. Like yourself, every girl I was romantically interested in has rejected me, even the ones whom I thought wouldn't and whom I really cared about. They always went after other guys and didn't give me the time of day, even when I only wanted to be just friends with them.

I honestly believe that being nice and kind made them think of me as undesirable and weak. Seems to be your case as well, I think. I've also tried numerous dating sites and I just sent out informal messages that were nice and polite, saying "Hey, you seem to be pretty cool, want to chat?". Most of the profiles I went to, girls said they were looking for "nice, genuine guys". Every single of these emails were read and deleted, I was trying to be friendly, I wasn't asking them to marry me or date me.

But now I'm at the point now where you are, giving up on all these pointless, futile efforts. Why should I waste my time with a bunch of black hearted, superficial, hypocritical b*****s who never gave a rat's ass about me. They are little more than wolves in sheep's clothing, pretending to be nice and innocent, but are liars. I'm at the point now where I say this "Women have shown me no courtesy, so I will show them the same courtesy them have shown me, NONE!". I'm done. I guess I'll walk alone.

Glad to hear I'm not the only one getting that excuse!

Well kind of good to see i'm not the only one I guess. But it still sucks. I took down the profiles I had on the couple of dating sites I had and told them how I really feel.

That I have been and always will be rejected because women are demons from hell that like to screw with guys. My last two relationships proved that. One was the queen of mixed signals and the other liked to use me and never really cared about me.

I'm done, sick of it, ready to leave this world. God gave me AS so I would never be happy. I've done my best working on myself but it always ends up the same. So no one tell me I need to work on myself more. How much f*****g work do I have to do on myself to get women to treat me with respect and not screw with me?

I wish I was never born.

Seriously though, do you consider living as perceiving?

If you do, why do really care so much if people respect you or not? Do you really value your life by people who doesn't even understand how you interpret that what you perceive?

The game-rules for getting women are simple.

Preparations:
1) Wash yourself.
2) Use deodorant. You need to like the smell of it yourself. DO NOT USE TOO MUCH.
3) Put on clothes that aren't too boring. Too colorful "clown" is also bad mind you.


*** Actual pause while i type this, i'm having halucinations. I'm not kidding. ***

About the halucinations: I see girls with cowboy hats blocking the view of the text typing cursor.

*** Seem to disappear... Strange. I'll continue. ***


Actions:
1) Go out to a pub or bar.
2) Find a girl that sits either alone or with 1 girlfriend at a table.
3) Go up and ask politely if you can sit down because you are bored and she/they seem like nice people.

Note that you MAY be rejected by sentences like:
-"Can't you see we're in the middle of a conversation?"
or:
-"Sure, but we were about to go anyway." (This is really a rejection.)
or:
-"Ok, if you insist." (Also a rejection - Really!)

A good answer would be:
-"Sure!"
If they start asking you questions about yourself, this is GREAT! But keep the answers short, and end all of them with a similar question in return.

If you do get a rejection, simply say "I'm sorry, seems I was mistaken." and go to the next table. They won't laugh at you because you turned the rejection against them.

I know from experience this is extremely hard to execute, and I can promise you won't make it even halfways the first time. But just keep doing it every weekend. You're bound to meet a girl that wants you. Also, you will get stronger and stronger through each rejection, to the point where it doesn't affect you at all. The reason is because you have already *prepared* for the rejection: You *know* it may happen.