Aspie Friend Confusing me....

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Yes we do have sexual contact, all of the above without getting into details. He and I are good as is, I guess I needed to hear more peoples takes on it as no one understands why I put up with him. I find it frustrating to keep defending his actions as him having AS and people staring at me with blank faces. I do educate them to the best of my ability but they still don't undestand what it is like to have a relationship with someone with AS. Good luck to you too with your AS friend.

meh, so many usernames to choose from, why did you have to pick that one?

^
wow, theres two bananas here

Last edited by ImTheGuyThatDidThat on 13 Mar 2009, 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Ha I apologize for the same name... I've been going by that for years now on the internet...

heh, oh well, I guess we'll have to live with that.

just stick to the birdy av

blatant troll is blatant

I really don't like how some posts get deleted and things like this don't.

I was going to comment on the banana name, but considering how many times I've heard that off the internet with people of the same name, I'm not surprised.

I agree... but what can you do? but on another note...maybe i should come up with a fancy less predictable name! lol

OMG! I am so glad I stumbled on this website! I am going through the exact same thing with an aspie friend of mine. We have known each other for about a year and a half. It started off with both of us very attracted to each other, and became sexual. I figured we would become boyfriend/girlfiend, but nothing seemed to happen, it sort of regressed. He started to make me mad and frustrate me during social situations. Sometimes he would say things that were rude or inappropriate, but at the same time, deep down I knew he wasn't doing it on purpose. I always knew something was wrong with him, but couldn't put my finger on it. Sometimes he made absolutely no sense when I tried to communicate with him. After a long period of frustration with him, I told him we needed to be "friends", even though that is not what I wanted. Eventually he told me he has AS, and I was so happy he shared that with me. Our communication improved, however, he still continued to frustrate me- always getting jealous when other guys talk to me. He always assumes I have all these boyfriends (which I don't). He continued to call me everyday unintentionally leading me on, which made me start to loose patience with him. Then I decided I could not be friends with him anymore because it was hurting me. Long story short, I know this guy has feelings for me and cares for me. I have very strong feelings for him as well. I just can't understand him, and I don't understand what he wants from me. We definitely aren't friends and we definitely aren't dating, so it is very hard being around him. I just can't continue to be friends with him when I have these feelings for him. I know I would be hurt if I saw him with someone else, and I think he would be hurt if I moved on and dated someone else. People that know both of us always ask me what's wrong with him and why we don't date- I think it's because they notice our chemistry and mutual attraction. I am continually telling people to stop asking about us because "he just doesn't like me that way", and they don't believe it. I would love to date him and think about him all of the time. I know he knows my feelings for him, I have verbally and non verbally told him these things. What to do???

It's probably mutual.

Maybe he wants to pursue a relationship with you, but doesn't know how, and is afraid to do something wrong and upset you. Keep in mind, he can't read body language very well (or at all), so if he makes a move he has no clue of your reaction unless you tell him. One wrong move on his part could ruin the relationship without him knowing it until much later, and possibly never know exactly what happened. Put yourself in his place for a moment, and think of how scary relationships must be.



Telling him how you feel isn't enough, he has to know what you want him to do about it. He can't read your mind, so just talk to him, tell him what you expect from him, what his options are, and I'm sure he'll do what he can to make you happy. For your own sanity, if he doesn't answer right away, be sure to ask him if he needs time to think about it, because aspies often need time to be sure of how they feel about things.

I think in both cases that fact that your AS friend is already sexual with you means that he is very attracted to you and wants a relationship. In both cases I think you girls need to take the lead and make it happen. Tell him what you want and ask him to be your boy friend (if thats what you want). Though it's traditional for a guy to take the lead, with Aspie's they need someone to do that sometimes.

Be direct, be honest and don't expect him to read between the lines and try to figure out what your signals are. The reason you are frustrated is because you expect him to act like an NT guy and that's not going to happen. You have to accept who he is and how he is if you want this to work.

Good luck.

Thanks so much for your replies, I really appreciate it! I really, really like this guy!

I currently find myself in the same boat.....



I did that too, and found myself missing him more than ever, and eventually gave in and answered his calls...



If you truly feel that you can't be friends with him then let him know...I myself am going through the exact same thing... but I came to realize that MD ( my aspie) is never going to change and if I want to be with him I need to learn to be patient...whether or not thats the wisest choice I dont know. I do care for him deeply and thats the sacrifice I am willing to make.



I get asked this same question by his friends, my friends...strangers we meet...and it is hard to keep saying oh no we are just friends...but then again like I said before I am willing to be patient. I too know he cares for me, and WE have to remember that our aspies aren't the typical guy so dealing with them is completely different. All I can say is be patient even though it is hard. Easier said than done...but this forum is keeping me sane.

The whole "friends" thing is frustrating because I am the one that said that. Ever since I said I wanted us to be just friends, he contantly repeats that to remind me. What makes my situation so complicated is because we also work together. I tried so hard to avoid this, but he was so obviously into me in the begining, it made me start to fall for him. He always wants to know what I am doing, so I feel like he is satisfied just seeing me at work everyday. I feel like if I didn't work with him, he would have time to think about our situation and or miss me.

He only recently told me about AS. I wish I had known from the beginning because it has really helped me understand him and communicate with him- but now we are "just friends". I could go on and on about this situation, because nobody seems to understand it. I just wish there was something I could do to help. I am grateful to finally get advice from people who know what I am talking about. A lot of my friends evaluate his behavior and think it's crazy- but I know better. Maybe this site will keep me sane as well.

There are so many more things I would like to post, but he may read this forum and I don't want him to figure me out.

If you are the one who said to just be friends, then you are the one who needs to say lets date. You can't leave this up to him. You have to take the lead. Don't think that if you didn't work together he would miss you, it's possible that he wouldn't think about it that much because you already told him you only want to be friends. He probably won't pursue you because of that. He will probably take things literally.

YOU need to decide what you want from him. Do you want to be friends or do you want him to be your boyfriend? Once you know that answer, you can tell him exactly what you want and you'll probably get it. To me, your problem is so easy. You're obviously crazy about him, so ... what are you waiting for? Go get your man.

Maybe you're right about him not missing me, but it seems like everytime I take off work, he is calling me and checking in. It's like he always wants to know where I am or what I am doing. That is one of the reasons I can't move on. I don't want to move on, but I feel like I have told him what I want and he continues to repeat we're just friends. One time he told me he doesn't want a relationship, but he continues to lead me on by calling and being jealous of other guy friends, etc... He has since wanted me to spend the night a few times and is always making sexual comments to me. Those are the things that make it so hard and confuse me. I get mad at him for doing these things and confront him about it, and he acts like he doesn't know what I am talking about. I tell him to stop doing those things if he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, then he tells me I am being mean or "emotionally volitile" as he likes to put it. I don't feel like I am mean at all, in fact, I feel like he is the makes a mountain out of a molehill. I am the laid back one, and he is super high strung. I told him the other day- he reminds me of Happy Gilmore, but instead of a golfer he is a doctor.

I hope he doesn't read this...