31 Mar 2009, 3:04 pm
Xanderbeanz wrote:
Can often be distant physically and/or emotionally.
Often times they will make no motions to keep a relationship (be it friendship, or something more) going
Men with undiagnosed AS often feel as if their partner is being ungrateful or “bitchy” when she complains he is uncaring or never listens to her
He can become quite defensive when she asks for clarification or a little sympathy. The defensiveness can turn into verbal abuse (usually not physical abuse) as the man attempts to control the communication to suit his view of the world.
Often times they will make no motions to keep a relationship (be it friendship, or something more) going
Men with undiagnosed AS often feel as if their partner is being ungrateful or “bitchy” when she complains he is uncaring or never listens to her
He can become quite defensive when she asks for clarification or a little sympathy. The defensiveness can turn into verbal abuse (usually not physical abuse) as the man attempts to control the communication to suit his view of the world.
Amazing how much this sounds like my relationship with my (presumably NT) husband.
Most of these things have nothing to do with AS symptoms. Sounds like regular relationship dysfunction to me.
31 Mar 2009, 3:26 pm
makuranososhi wrote:
BTW: MissConstrue, you show a remarkable sense of self-awareness and the ability to be critical of your own actions and decisions. That is a rare trait in my experience, and wanted to commend you on it. As I reread it I find, when I remove the most positive relationships from my personal result set, that more of the listed qualities appear in those relationships. Perhaps that reflects times when I have found partners who work well with my challenges and inspire me vs. periods where I have been in unsatisfying relationships.
M.
M.
Thanks M.
Growing up, I went through so much therapy and anger management and rehab that maybe they did help me in some ways. I had to be around a lot of people and learn not to be so dishonest with myself especially when it came to my alcoholism. Some of those places don't put up with dishonesty. I use to get very defensive when my group would point out my "flaws"...and that was the way I saw them. I had to try and use some of the tools that were given to me in life. Just through experience I find that it is OK to not be perfect. I think admitting some of my imperfections has actually made me much stronger than I was in the past. Even after being DXed, I was in a lot of denial but trying to change things I couldn't change I think got me more frustrated.
There are still some actions I'm unaware of and try and I try and let people point them out to me if I'm coming off rude or whatever. I spent half my life undiagnosed with ASD so I was unaware of these quirks as I call them. Perhaps that was probably a good thing as I tried to adapt to the "mainstream" schools and socializing. I think I've mellowed out a little over the years but there are those times where I go into defensive mode without really thinking.
Anyway, I guess I'm rambling.
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