I need to know why society think its ok to lie?

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In answer to 1, yes, it might have been a polite let down, the 'white lie' as other people have said, it's better to lie to someone as opposed to hurt them (although I agree with you that the lie is more hurtful than the truth). In what way has she freaked out when you tried to keep talking to her? If she wants nothing to do with you, maybe she just hasn't responded quickly enough, because she's been busy dating her new boyfriend, or been busy at work or with studies or something?

2. That does seem a bit like her 'issue' was that she didn't want to be in a relationship with you. But then the flip side of this is that it happens a lot to women, how men often say that they're not the marrying kind and they don't want to settle down, and they seem like commitment phobics, and then the woman splits up with them after a few years and then a couple of months later the guy gets engaged to some other woman, and it turns out that he just didn't want to marry the first woman. It's an old cliche, 'he's just not that into you' can also sometimes be 'she's just not that into you'. I had a similar scenario years and years ago, there was a friend that I really grew to like, and we had lots in common and got on really well, and I grew to quite fancy him and wanted a relationship. The snag was, he just wasn't into me. He actually ended up having a few dates with one of my best friends and I was quite crushed at the time. But then again, my friend didn't like him as much as he liked her, so it went both ways. Sometimes, even if you like someone, the chemistry just isn't there, or at least they don't feel the same way. That's just the way it is. Move on. Be happy for them that they've found someone that they do feel that way about. And find someone who does feel the same way about you.

As others have said, she was probably trying not to hurt your feelings.

Hmmm... confidence in a man is quite attractive, negativity isn't.

While you're all down on yourself because of your perceived 'failures' at dating and relationships, the flip side of that is that to some women, you could be perceived as quite a catch. A 41 year old bachelor? Someone who hasn't been married before? Someone who doesn't have one or two ex wives and several children and so doesn't have custody battles or access visits to fight and have legal battles over, someone who doesn't have alimony payments to make, so has more money for dates and setting up home and starting a family with a the woman he meets?

What's not to like?

ETA: Seriously, you don't know how rare a commodity you are as a single male with no 'baggage' (providing you can dump that chip on your shoulder). I figure that once guys reach the age of 30, they're either married, or gay (or in some cases married *and* gay) or there's something wrong with them. At the moment, because of your negativity, (and I don't know if you have any anti-social behaviours as a result of AS) you're possibly falling into the 'something wrong with you' category, but if you can address whatever that is, whether it's just your negativity, whether you can be more confident about what you have to offer, then maybe you're future can be different? But you've got to be more positive about it. You can't keep harping on about what's gone wrong in the past. Leave the past behind. You can't change the past, but you can change your present and your future.

I don't have to like everyone I come across, seriously-he has asked the same things again and again and refuses to listen
you can't keep doing that-people are going to get annoyed
and who are you the moderator
this isn't sunshine land where I have to kiss someone's ass
people dislike eachother in the world-arguments happen, etc
I called his idea stupid
i didn't call him a "f*****g dumbass" for example
and i didn't-I said what I said and I stand by it
I am freely allowed to think something is stupid, and its not for some random guy to tell me not to
go ahead and think what you like-I didn't call him names-I said he has a stupid idea, to stop saying he's leaving, and I wasn't gonna bother explain something
when i break it down-it doesn't seem all that awful
seriously-I don't need to be all nice to everyone-I slandered no one
period.

I've been rejected by women that have said "let's be friends", and women that say "not interested". The latter is a bit more shocking at first, yes, but like jumping into cold water, it's over a lot more quickly... So, to be honest, I'd rather hear a flat out "not interested"... it doesn't have to be "i f*****g hate you", just enough to get the point across...

Also, "let's be friends" can still be used, but she would have to mean it... there was a woman I liked once who said that and meant it... and that's perfectly fine... it's the women that say "let's be friends" and mean "get the f**k out of my face" that are the ones who really deserve it...

And that's the gist of it. For 99% of the population "lets be friends" or "I have issues" means, "I am not interested - please leave me be".

Heck - maybe she does want to be friends, just casual friends - not best friends forever. She may want to be friends but not buddies. She may want to be friends, but not want to hang out outside of the venue in which you met. Friends is a fuzzy word and will mean different thing to different people at different times.

Maybe she does have issues. Maybe she really wants to not rush into a relationship, but then meet her fatal attraction. Or maybe, her issue is that there is a guy she really likes, that she is working to be with, and she doesn't care to share that part of her life with you.

She doesn't have to be lying when she says that she has issues or that she wants to be friends and winds up ignoring you and dating some other guy.

It's possible that she does have some 'issues' that maybe this guy understands and can be supportive about.

For example, and I'm just making up random examples here, maybe if a girl has parents who are divorced and remarried and she has issues about that, about not getting on with a step-parent or step-siblings, then maybe a guy who's parents are happily married, she maybe won't want to be in a relationship with him, because she feels as though she's got 'issues' she's so stressed out by these problems that she thinks she doesn't want a relationship. But then she meets a guy in the line waiting for lunch the next day and they get chatting and it turns out his folks are divorced and he's having real problems with his step-mother or step-brother or something, so they hit it off because they have something in common, and the problem isn't an 'issue' that comes between them and makes them different from other people, it's something they share, a problem halved is a problem shared, that kind of thing.

It needn't be parents divorce/step-whatever issues, it might be struggling with maths at school, it might be struggling with dyslexia and feeling stupid, it might be other pressures at home, maybe having to spend a lot of time caring for a disabled family member, or there might be religious/cultural reasons, for example, their families might disapprove of them dating someone from a different religious or ethnic background, or maybe someone's moved home or moved school, and feels a bit of an outsider, and feels more comfortable with someone else who's gone through that experience?

There are many reasons why a girl might say she's not interested in a relationship, but then might be interested in a relationship with someone else. Doesn't necessarily make her the demon from hell. It just makes her human. Fickle. Able to change from one minute to the next depending on the changing circumstances.

This applies to most.... (if you have volume, do it)
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57X3kCB2FtI[/youtube]

First, you're assuming that what you've experienced is representative of all women - it isn't. Second, you're being rather insulting to an entire gender in your last reference - wholly uncalled for. Third, while I will not trivialize the hurt you have felt in being rejected, it is not the end-all of suffering... you seem to think that your experiences are unique or that you are the only one who has experienced pain or even agony in relationships and the attempts to form them.

To address your two points... I can only answer from my experience and observation. "I just want to be friends" is less likely to be an invitation to getting closer as an indicator that you each have different goals and desires regarding each other. In asking others, after some thought one replied she thought that since there wasn't already attachment then the other person would just pass on to the next opportunity. Different perspectives, and a presumption that one will pick up upon things that are not readily visible to those so impaired. The second, that they have issues... they're being honest. What I think you don't like is that they are being vague - which in this case is an issue you need to deal with, as no one is under an obligation to justify and explain every aspect of their lives to another. To be blunt, the issue in the specific cases you mention was that they were interested in someone else; in others, it might be health, personal issues, work stress, or just simply a change of heart as to how they feel. And in some cases, you will never know.

I'm sorry you suffer so; yet I also see you blaming others and complaining about being rejected... and I guess I don't fully understand. What will leaving WP solve? I do hope you will reconsider, and look forward to your response.


M.

Do as I do, tell a relative truth or just ask people if they want you to lie or tell the truth.
As for the other things, don't have a clue...

I'm a similar way, lie to me once, and I'll never trust you again. Naturally, I don't trust many people.

I can speculate all day why it's done, but it's not the truth; you need to ask them, and since they can't be trusted, you'll never know if it's the truth or not when you do ask (the irony).

I don't think women can be demons, most are too weak mentally for such; the same with men. They're just petty and scared, and the most they can do to you is juvenile.

You don't see the demons.

Ha I can understand in terms of honesty but when you're saying all women, I have to laugh at the irony in this.

I've been honest to most guys yet have experienced much dishonesty in guys.

As far as guys wanting women to be honest....well the last guy I politely said I wasn't interested in took personal offense to it by saying "Whatever b***h." Another guy I tried to be friends with still kept pushing his luck.

You know the ironic thing about this is I have pretty low self esteem when it comes to guys. So I can understand the pain that comes with rejection. But I see it happen many times with people. My brother went through it like it was nothing and is in a 3rd relationship now.

Also I can't understand why you define happiness as to being in a relationship. I'm not trying to be rude but you sound like you're coming off desperate and I'm going to be honest, that is not attractive. I also can't take most of the feedback that's been similarly given to you in the past. I think you seriosly need to work on yourself first before getting a relationship. Just my thought. It sounds like you got some serious self-esteem issues and you can't just go off and blame a million women for these few women. Even if so...you need to learn how to deal with it and move on.

Anyway, goodluck with yourself.

I've done everything else I've set out to do. I have a good place to live, a secure job I'm happy with. But I would like someone to share it with. Been trying all my life anf always getting the same result. One other thing i forgot top mention is I always tell the person that I NEED them to be straght forward and honest with me. But they always try to "let me down easy" by lieing to me. This shows me when they can't be honest with me after I ask them too, they have no respect for me and like to screw with me.

That's duplicity, pure and simple...


Hmm... you may have a point there... I've seen women call other women "friends" when it's clear that they definitely don't like each other, so perhaps that statement has some merit... And that's more an issue of definitions of words, not someone making a delibrate attempt at deception...


Well she could mention that. With me, mentioning a boyfriend (or possible boyfriend) when not used in reference to me is an instant turn-off... If she really wanted to get rid of me, she would lie about a boyfriend instead of saying "let's be friends"... I would likely never find otu, since I distance myself from the woman at that point...

White lies aren't nice at all. People that tell them not only decieving you, they're treating you like an idiot too who doesn't know better.

I'd reccommend the next time you hear one, call them out on it. It actually gains you respect if you can read someone & they tend to be more truthful later. For example, I was on a date with a girl, it went so-so, & she said she'd call me later. I responded with "no you won't" with a raised eyebrow. She was a little surprised by that & we ended up talking a while after as friends.

I think white lies are a test to see if you can be blown off easily. Clearly if they tell you one, they suspect you can, so prove them wrong.

if you tell a person that you NEED them to be honest with you, they will think that you do not already believe them. it means you are displaying your mistrust in them.
you seem very desperate. desperation leads to all sorts of rash actions, and is kind of dangerous in a way. you seem like a trapped animal that would shred the heads off them if you could only get your claws free of the net you think they snared you in.

i know a person like you (in my opinion that is). he is well groomed and and he is rather well built and always presents a personage of respectability.
he is 39. he never had a girlfriend because they are all too scared of him.
i met some girls which he thought liked him, and they confided in me that they thought he was a scary freak.
they said that he sent shivers down their spines because he had such a desperate and intense nature about him in respect to idealizing them as his girlfriend.

he had had fleeting encounters with these girls who all showed him kindness, and he mistook their kindness for infatuation.

he used to tell me "mark!! !! she said hello to me today. she had a look in her eye that showed me she knew we were bonded to eternity".
i used to tell him that that was very good, but he kept ringing me and telling me of his fantasies about these girls night after night. (each girl he was obsessed with was in sequence. he never liked more than one at a time)
he never covered any ground with them. it was just a polite "hello" as far as i could determine that they said to him. he said he could "feel their vibes" and he was sure that they secretly loved him.
but he said he could not be sure of how they felt about him, because he did not dare ask, as he had only cursory encounters with them.

he wanted me to read in their library because he thought they would like to meet me and maybe talk to me about him. they did like me a bit and i asked the questions of them that he wanted me to ask.
they did not like him.
but i thought he was a fruitcake, so i was not on his side. i advised the girls that i also thought he was too intense. they asked me how to shake him off. i did not know.

later i told him that they felt he was creepy, and he went beserk.
he got angry that i was able to talk to the girls he dreamed of, and then was able to report that they were frightened of him.

he started to talk about "killing b*****s" that flaunt their sexuality to everyone but him, and i realized he was very starved and angry and dangerous.
he also got very angry with me because he thought they loved me and i did nothing to deserve their love (he was mistaken).

he still has no girlfriend, because he is so starved of affection that he is dangerously paranoid about loyalty, and he would be murderously jealous if ever he got a girl to trust him.

intensity that presents itself as starved desperation is something that girls run from i think.

it is the stuff of serious episodes like murder suicide.
i never had any problems with girls liking me, and that is because i feel like a fruit tree and they are like birds which land on me and feed safely. (i also like them landing on me and they can sense that somehow and it is all so shallow and sensual)
they do not fear my attitude at all.
some people are like venus fly traps however.
they catch people to satisfy their starving appetites.

desperate people are going to clutch anything they catch, and imbue them with impossible demands of loyalty and consistency and also exclusivity.
his wild eyes scare the girls who say hello to him, and so far, that is all they have dared to say.

Well, they won't want him now, will ther? Even if he heavily modifies his behaviour, they will all want to know why he's Never Had a Girlfriend, so he'll be branded UNSAFE no matter what he does.


If I was like a fruit tree, the hick sluts in the hellhole where I live would've just seen me as something for their savage dogs to piss against. They chose to be prejudiced, BS-addicted, herd-mentality c***s. I have no sympathy for them if the thugs they are attracted to split their heads open. (Although it's a shame that our overstretched medical facilities would be further burdened.)

I finally got into a relationship with someone overseas, but there's already a lot of psychological damage that's been done (by other females) already, and because we're both older, it lacks a lot of things a relationship has when you're young. So I doubt there's any real hope for your acquaintance. And as for KenM, his only hope may be to be a sugar-daddy, but I wouldn't expect too much in the way of emotional/intellectual rapport OR sexual attraction if I were him.