making lovers out of friends

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Rynok, the third scenario is that she grew on you and your initial friendship was entirey genuine. Though plenty of women (and men probably) will simply not believe that can even happen. Generally, though not always, if you're a woman's friend that means you'll never be her partner.

Like the OP, I find it difficult, maybe impossible, to become interested in going out with someone if I don't know her at least a little. First impressions can be deceptive, it's happened to me that I meet a girl I find attractive, we seem to get on well, she seems highly compatible - and once I got to know her a little I lost interest in her even as a friend (she didn't go anything horrible to me, we were just totally incompatible).

I strongly suspect that relationships that started as friendships have a high success rate, because from the start there was more than physical attraction or a good first impression holding it together. Like sinsboldly posted, if she's your best friend and lover that's long term material. However, the transition from friendship to relationship is pretty rare. She may misniterpret the whole thing as you being cowardly or fake, she may simply like you as a friend only (which I can relate to, I've got a female friend that I wouldn't want to date or anything - her personality is not my type for a partner, though I genuinely like her as a friend), she may have a prejudice against friends first, etc.

The only relationship I've been in (5 1/2 years), we started out as friends.

My mom and dad were friends before they married.

My uncle and his wife were friends before they married.

As for me, I don't think I could get into a relationship without being friends or knowing that person better before making a relationship out of it.

Then again, friendship has so many hidden meanings for people.

Yeah, I would rather be friends before lovers. Contrary to most men, I want to get to know the person before I give my heart to them. Besides, friendship is a way to see whether or not two people are compatible before they jump into a bad relationship.

But even so, I'm happy just being friends too. At least a female is actually talking to me right? And who knows what the future might hold.

Just be thankful you have friends of the opposite sex.

Toad, I have never had a serious relationship wtih anyone i was not friends with first. I am just like you...i simply can't seem to go from a first date to romantic involvement. I have to build those feelings up and it happens with them in friend capacity first.

So yes, there is very good possibilities in this area with being a friend before lover. It can't happen with all friends obviously, but that is how all of my relationships started.

For the record, I'm 30 years old and have never had a female friend.

We were friends for 2 years before we started dating.

I disagree, Petit - attraction develops for many reasons, and can often be as based in neuroses as instincts. And I notice that you said nothing about the fact that she makes that decision... efforts to anticipate will only lead to problems, I believe.


M.

LePetitPrince wrote:
It does happen only if there's an initial physical attraction in the first place, a girl can be friend with those she's not attracted to and with those are attracted to, only the latter are potential bfs.


That couldn't be more untrue for some women. I was not initially attracted to my ex husband. He just didn't have the outward characteristics i went for. It was only after KNOWING him and becoming good friends that his qualities that i do love came out and came shining thru and once i fell for his personality the physical changed for me as well. he became extremely good looking to me after that and I only had eyes for him.

You can't predict some of these things. The power of attraction is so individual that you can't say that attraction HAD to be present at first before a woman could fall for a guy friend. It has happened to me more than once actually but the most prominent example is that of me and my ex husband. The marriage failed but not at all due to lack of attraction on either parts, just some other incompatiblities that cropped up over time and it is sad that it had to end because I would have rather it didn't. And so would he. But it is one of those things where the issues became insurmountable.

I'd prefer to be friends with a person before going out with them, preferably if we've been friends for a while.

Despite her own experience, you still insist that you're right. It's amusing, LPP, I must admit. Chemistry develops in many ways, not just the one you describe. Different people have different time frames for how they accept people into their lives. *chuckle* I know you will think I pick on you, but it is just that your assertions continue to be based only on your own experience and point of view with little regard for what others have been through or their response as a result.


M.