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For all you 'just friends' men out there...

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Learning2Survive
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23 Apr 2009, 11:11 pm

For an aspie, asking a girl out is like

A blind man trying to shake a girls hand - chances are he will miss or even worse grope something other than the hand.


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Jol
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23 Apr 2009, 11:12 pm

The best time to say it is the first time you meet the person. Maybe introduce yourself.. or get introduced. Get them talking, ensure there is some fire there and guy for it.

Always pays to do a little home work.

Like for example you could be chatting up Orbyss

You'd be like.

Hey there, I see you have a mental condition. I too have a mental conditions and the current school of though is that our kids would to. Wanna put it to the test?


You'd be in quicker then a rat up a drain pipe (thats the clean version)



Learning2Survive
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23 Apr 2009, 11:19 pm

Jol, somehow I have a hard time believing this would work. Maybe I am a pessimist.


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MissConstrue
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23 Apr 2009, 11:26 pm

Jol wrote:
The best time to say it is the first time you meet the person. Maybe introduce yourself.. or get introduced. Get them talking, ensure there is some fire there and guy for it.

Always pays to do a little home work.

Like for example you could be chatting up Orbyss

You'd be like.

Hey there, I see you have a mental condition. I too have a mental conditions and the current school of though is that our kids would to. Wanna put it to the test?


You'd be in quicker then a rat up a drain pipe (thats the clean version)


That sounds very flattering..... :?


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Orbyss
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23 Apr 2009, 11:27 pm

Learning2Survive wrote:
For an aspie, asking a girl out is like

A blind man trying to shake a girls hand - chances are he will miss or even worse grope something other than the hand.


Ah. That's exactly why I personally put my hand out first and wait for the other person to touch it, unless they've made it obvious with the first move. :D Really, it's the same sort of thing.

Jol wrote:
The best time to say it is the first time you meet the person. Maybe introduce yourself.. or get introduced. Get them talking, ensure there is some fire there and guy for it.

Always pays to do a little home work.

Like for example you could be chatting up Orbyss

You'd be like.

Hey there, I see you have a mental condition. I too have a mental conditions and the current school of though is that our kids would to. Wanna put it to the test?


You'd be in quicker then a rat up a drain pipe (thats the clean version)


What's my mental condition? Grief and PTSD? :D :(

Ok, fine, ADHD.



Jol
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23 Apr 2009, 11:28 pm

That would only work on a aspie girl you know mate. It would work cos you imply sex although that is the intent it would work cos it is lame and funny (kinda) you'd at least get a laugh.


Confidence and humour FTW mate.



sinsboldly
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23 Apr 2009, 11:28 pm

Learning2Survive wrote:
How soon can I say that to a woman after meeting her? Don't I have to talk a little small talk first with her and make sure she likes my company? Otherwise she will freak out. In the past four years, I've talked to four women max and I don't think they liked me enough to be open to having me ask them out.

But, just as an experiment, I will go to some event this week, find a girl to talk to and if she is receptive to talking to me more I will say "I like you, want to go out some time?" just to see how she reacts. The thing about being an aspie, is that women just don't like talking or looking at me. You can't ask out a woman who does not want to talk to you.

Your comment is like cognitive behavior therapy for me. It makes me break out of my regular thinking patterns.

So I know kind of realize I should talk to more women and ask out the ones who I suspect might like me at least a little.


and then be ready to suggest a place to go! Think of someplace you can do something together. Like (don't laugh) put-put miniature golf, or bowling or something that you both participate in. This way you see what she is like - Is she rude to those that can't fight back (the wait staff, the shoe guy?) Go to a coffee shop for a latte and to ask her questions about herself. See if she focuses on you or keeps watching the crowd. Find out if she expects to be entertained (high maintenance) or if she pitches in and takes the pressure of of you and asks you questions too (low maintenance).

Find out if you like HER, too. You are worth it.

Merle


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Learning2Survive
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23 Apr 2009, 11:30 pm

I never shake a woman's hand first in case it is interpreted as an unwanted sexual gesture.


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sinsboldly
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23 Apr 2009, 11:44 pm

Learning2Survive wrote:
I never shake a woman's hand first in case it is interpreted as an unwanted sexual gesture.


so they think you are avoiding shaking their hand because you reserve it for people you are not attracted to?

if a man avoided my proffered hand. . or even worse, just shook my fingers, I would think he dismissive of me as a person.

but that is just me.

Merle


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23 Apr 2009, 11:51 pm

Seconded.

I've shaken many people's hands men and women without thinking it had anything to do with sex or coming onto someone.... :?


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Learning2Survive
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23 Apr 2009, 11:57 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
Learning2Survive wrote:
I never shake a woman's hand first in case it is interpreted as an unwanted sexual gesture.


so they think you are avoiding shaking their hand because you reserve it for people you are not attracted to?

if a man avoided my proffered hand. . or even worse, just shook my fingers, I would think he dismissive of me as a person.

but that is just me.

Merle


again making me break my thinking patterns. thanks! i might start shaking hands more.


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23 Apr 2009, 11:59 pm

Learning2Survive wrote:
I never shake a woman's hand first in case it is interpreted as an unwanted sexual gesture.


Yeah, I agree with Merle down there. I see shaking hands as a very non-sexual gesture, which reads to me as, "I have little interest in you outside of this rather formal encounter". It's the least intimate physical contact there is in a social setting.

Do it, seriously, it helps you out. Unless your hand and arm accidentally slide up her arm and directly on to her wobblies, that is. Try to watch out for that.



Jol
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24 Apr 2009, 12:02 am

If you must shake hands.....

Single hand for friend/hello.
Double hand for I want to get to know you better



sinsboldly
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24 Apr 2009, 12:03 am

Learning2Survive wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Learning2Survive wrote:
I never shake a woman's hand first in case it is interpreted as an unwanted sexual gesture.


so they think you are avoiding shaking their hand because you reserve it for people you are not attracted to?

if a man avoided my proffered hand. . or even worse, just shook my fingers, I would think he dismissive of me as a person.

but that is just me.

Merle


again making me break my thinking patterns. thanks! i might start shaking hands more.


now, if a man in a NON BUSINESS situation shook my hand, with a firm constant gentle pressure and just for a second, drew his other hand up underneath the handshake cradling my hand for just enough of a second or two, then released both hands, I would not feel he was being forward, I would think him a very interesting individual.

Merle


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MissConstrue
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24 Apr 2009, 12:05 am

In other countries like Japan, some people just bow as a gesture of respect kinda like handshaking.

I think we have a lot to learn from some of these ancient cultures as western society looks at anything regarding touch being implied as sexual among other things.


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24 Apr 2009, 12:11 am

Orbyss wrote:

There is so little true love, sense of family, or deep, bonding caring in this species that this is a huge blow to me. I've always been quality over quantity, and I work all sorts of things out with my family and keep them close for life. It doesn't seem other people feel that way, and that is devastating.



I feel the same way.