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DESPERATE MEN AND DESPERATE WOMEN

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Orbyss
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02 May 2009, 5:52 pm

Desperation is definitely not attractive in any case across the board.



Haliphron
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02 May 2009, 5:59 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
When I think of desperate men, I remember the guy from a church group who went down the list of women in the group, in alphabetical order no less, asking for a date to a certain event. As if we wouldn't know? Shouldn't he have just shouted out at a group meeting, "I need a woman to go with me to X, will someone please come with me so I won't look like a loner?" THAT would have been honest, at least. And someone may have taken pity on him. As if we wouldn't figure out he had called ALL of us.

He also had a habit of invading our personal space when talking to us, making things quite uncomfortable.

I wish now that I had had the self-confidence to tell him what he was doing wrong. But, alas, at that time, I did not. He had a decent heart, he was just ... well ... desperate and confused.

When I think of desperate women, I think of the women I know who would practically proposition a guy. They didn't sell their personalities, they sold their availability. There are definitely men out there who will take advantage of that.

I think there is a lot more decency in the women who don't take the desperate guy up on it, than the men who take advantage of the desperate woman. Better to be rejected upfront than encouraged to become emotionally or physically involved and THEN rejected.

But I do know there are ways women can take advantage of desperate men, so I'll state this isn't a way one street. Women who accept the offers because they get something they want from it, that has nothing to do with the guy: the chance to go to a great event, perhaps.

In the long run, no one wants to be with someone just to be with someone. You want to be with the RIGHT someone. If someone comes at you in a way that indicates they are desperate, you don't feel special or particularly right for them. It makes you feel a lot more like a car for sale in a showroom. That isn't what relationships are all about.


As I man, I can honestly say that I tend to judge female strangers(women I have NOT met or have YET to meet)primarily by their looks. For years if I saw a woman who I thought was physically attractive and I suspected that she was single, I would take interest and occasionally try to approach her. My point is that if I met a single women who I was physically attracted to and who was someone I felt like I could relate to it wouldnt matter to me whether or not she was desperate. EVEN IF she was that wouldnt turn me off by itself.



jbinion
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02 May 2009, 9:13 pm

Haliphron wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
When I think of desperate men, I remember the guy from a church group who went down the list of women in the group, in alphabetical order no less, asking for a date to a certain event. As if we wouldn't know? Shouldn't he have just shouted out at a group meeting, "I need a woman to go with me to X, will someone please come with me so I won't look like a loner?" THAT would have been honest, at least. And someone may have taken pity on him. As if we wouldn't figure out he had called ALL of us.

He also had a habit of invading our personal space when talking to us, making things quite uncomfortable.

I wish now that I had had the self-confidence to tell him what he was doing wrong. But, alas, at that time, I did not. He had a decent heart, he was just ... well ... desperate and confused.

When I think of desperate women, I think of the women I know who would practically proposition a guy. They didn't sell their personalities, they sold their availability. There are definitely men out there who will take advantage of that.

I think there is a lot more decency in the women who don't take the desperate guy up on it, than the men who take advantage of the desperate woman. Better to be rejected upfront than encouraged to become emotionally or physically involved and THEN rejected.

But I do know there are ways women can take advantage of desperate men, so I'll state this isn't a way one street. Women who accept the offers because they get something they want from it, that has nothing to do with the guy: the chance to go to a great event, perhaps.

In the long run, no one wants to be with someone just to be with someone. You want to be with the RIGHT someone. If someone comes at you in a way that indicates they are desperate, you don't feel special or particularly right for them. It makes you feel a lot more like a car for sale in a showroom. That isn't what relationships are all about.


As I man, I can honestly say that I tend to judge female strangers(women I have NOT met or have YET to meet)primarily by their looks. For years if I saw a woman who I thought was physically attractive and I suspected that she was single, I would take interest and occasionally try to approach her. My point is that if I met a single women who I was physically attracted to and who was someone I felt like I could relate to it wouldnt matter to me whether or not she was desperate. EVEN IF she was that wouldnt turn me off by itself.


I agree haliphron......desperation doesnt matter to me either. we're pretty simple minded.



hartzofspace
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03 May 2009, 5:52 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
It may be off topic, but I resent more when people act is if a woman alone must be desperate. Living alone and minding my business, has attracted unwanted jealousy from females, and undesirable males for some reason. They seem to think that since they never see me with a man, that I must want one. Even if he's already taken. :roll:


They assume you are available and are attracted to the fact that you seem comfortable with yourself. Hopefully :)


Like I said, if it were a man that I found acceptable, I would probably not mind being approached. But when it's married men, or homeless derelicts, I find that offensive. And the jealous females are just ridiculous.


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Pugly
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03 May 2009, 7:05 pm

When does desire become desperation?

I want to be in a relationship, and it's always somewhere in the back of my mind encoding and decoding everything. But I wouldn't call myself desperate.

Also desperate for what? Being desperate for sex is completely different than desperate for love or some other component of a relationship. Internally I'm desperate for the later, but externally I bet I give off a vibe of desperate for the latter...


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Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.