Would you date someone just for the sake of a relationship?

Page 2 of 2 [ 29 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Ichinin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.

30 Apr 2009, 4:45 am

SilverStar wrote:
It wouldn't hurt to go out on a date with her once or twice, just to get to know her. You might find you like her more than what you first thought. After that, if she isn't what you are really looking for, I would say it's best to be honest with her, and just move on. No sense wasting your time, and getting her hopes up.


Sums up my opinion pretty well.

Besides, you cannot get to know a person on the internet as well as in real life, it can be a whole different person you meet IRL.


_________________
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" (Carl Sagan)


Aimless
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,187

30 Apr 2009, 5:17 am

I once dated someone and eventually realized that my purpose in the relationship was to fill a "position" and I felt very used. I know plenty of people who are comfortable with this but I never will be.



Aspie1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,749
Location: United States

30 Apr 2009, 10:11 am

Aimless wrote:
I once dated someone and eventually realized that my purpose in the relationship was to fill a "position" and I felt very used. I know plenty of people who are comfortable with this but I never will be.

How exactly did you realize you were just filling a position? Did you boyfriend act like he didn't care enough? What tipped you off that you were just "filling in a position"?

I'm asking because all of my past relationships started because a girl showed interest in me, and I started dating her solely based on that. Nevertheless, I always made her feel special, and gave her the best relationship I could provide. One girl actually said to me that it was the best relationship she ever had. All expected in return is faithfulness and regular physical affection (both as a sign that she still likes me and won't leave me, so I'll feel safe being her boyfriend). She gave me both of those things, and the relationship continued until we broke up.

"So you expect a girl to have feelings for you, but not having the same feelings for her?" Given how the dating world works, there's no other choice. A girl will never date a guy she's not attracted to, no matter how much she tries to convince herself. I'm not attractive to 95% of girls out there. So if one girl does like me, I'd be an idiot if I missed a great relationship opportunity just because I'm "not attracted to her".

Look at it this way. You're walking through a hot blazing desert. You see an oasis with clean water here or there, but most have barbed wire fences around them. After a very long time in the desert, you see an oasis without a fence. Most likely, you're not going worry about the water quality, because any water is better than no water at all. And if it's salt water, you drink it anyway, and hope your body filters it out. Sure, you might refuse to drink water from the Dead Sea (that's just too much salt), but ultimately, you're forced to drink whatever you can find, because otherwise you'll be thirsty for a lot longer.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 46,092
Location: Houston, Texas

30 Apr 2009, 4:40 pm

I can't stand it when people proclaim that they've found "the one", after only being a couple for about a week.



Aimless
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,187

30 Apr 2009, 4:41 pm

He was on the rebound, which I realized later and I felt like a temp job. I guess I was just responding to the topic question the way I took it to mean would your desire to be part of a couple be so strong that anyone would do. Personally, the answer is no.



greenblue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,896
Location: Home

30 Apr 2009, 4:43 pm

Quote:
Would you date someone just for the sake of a relationship?

Right now, no. In the future, who knows.


_________________
?Everything is perfect in the universe - even your desire to improve it.?


Homer_Bob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,562
Location: New England

30 Apr 2009, 5:29 pm

No way, Jose.



Flismflop
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2007
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,025
Location: DC metro area suburbs, USA.

30 Apr 2009, 6:35 pm

In most cases, I'm either attracted to her or I'm not. There isn't a scale of attraction that I measure people with. However, sometimes I find myself giving up (or adjusting) a "standard" as a trade-off for something else. There are also some "either/or" criteria that I use.

I think I was more like what the OP is talking about, back when I was in gradeschool. Seeing that the OP is 18, that explains it.


_________________
Why be a label, be yourself and keep others guessing instead. - Dee_.


Pikachu
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,434
Location: half way up a big hill

30 Apr 2009, 8:32 pm

nope, I'd never date for the sake of a relationship

I stayed with my second girlfriend/first fiancee far too long for the sake of it, I did love her in the beginning, hence how I was engaged to her but that love faded near the end when her true colours surfaced, I stayed with her for the sake of it until 2007, bad move on my part to stay with her for too long


_________________
Thanks Tinkerbell.

Allegedly away with the fairies for 6-7 years


RoisinDubh
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jan 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 341
Location: Somewhere else entirely

01 May 2009, 9:34 am

I have. Quite a few times. It was utterly dreadful. I now realise I'd rather be miserable alone than be with someone who makes me miserable.


_________________
'I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man' -Oscar Wilde


LePetitPrince
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,464

01 May 2009, 3:30 pm

*giggles* it's pretty funny to see all this idealism around , idealism in forums always amazes me.

Seriously now, let's put idealism aside a bit and let's reverse the question: For the sake of WHAT a person dates?



sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Age: 125
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,985

01 May 2009, 11:41 pm

No, I could never ever do that.

I've considered it, and I've even felt pressure from so many other people I've gotten along with who've wanted to date me, but I am mentally and physically incapable of doing so. It feels wrong and disgusting.

I would never date anyone I hadn't fallen in love with.

I don't have any delusions that I'm suddenly going to find someone like that, I know there is a likely probability of me being alone the rest of my life, but even this is preferable to going against mind and body.


_________________
Into the dark...


ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

02 May 2009, 12:20 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
I can't stand it when people proclaim that they've found "the one", after only being a couple for about a week.


It's one thing if they stay together for life, but usually those relationships dry up within another week or so...