Question for the guys

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One strategy you might want to think of spending less effort thinking of your phobias and think of ways to improve your individual success. You've already been studying martial arts, keep this up, as long as you don't panic, you'll know how to handle yourself in those situations.

One thing I've done is study different actors and their facial expressions and how they are used in different situations. It's hard to know quite how to react in social situations, but practice goes a long way.

FYI, disorderly conduct would be a likely charge if you ever got into a fight (unarmed that is). My friend tells me that citizens with certian martial arts training have to register themselves as "lethal weapons", I've never verified this myself.

Lots of replies here, some very interesting.

Regarding tear gas/taser/knives -- check your local laws, especially about concealed weapons. Also realize that most of those can't be used in a normal fight -- you literally have to think your life is at risk. That being said, I always keep a bat in my car and a knife in my bag, because sometimes it's better to have them than not.

To the OP -- honestly, I used to have this same problem -- tall, skinny, dorky looking, and I seemed to attract more than my share of a**holes and bullies. I was obsessed with martial arts, protecting myself, etc. In the end, the thing that stopped a lot of the 'tude I got from people was just gaining weight. You don't have to get fat, and for health reasons (like wear and tear on your joints) gaining weight might not be a good idea, but if you really are getting bugged a lot, gaining weight will stop it.

There's something about skinny guys, especially tall ones, that other guys despise. I don't know why, and even I have fallen into that mental trap of hating before I catch myself. Maybe they appear weak, even though I know very well that skinny guys are often much stronger than they appear. Maybe there's just something unmasculine about being too skinny.

So if you really want the hating to end, gain 20 pounds or more of muscle and fat, stop hanging out at bars (where people get aggro), and you'll not have to deal with that very much anymore.

I'm not a guy but I couldn't stop myself from reading this.

If I were you're girlfriend and some guy was eyeing me in front of you, I would look at him and laugh and then hug you closer. Any girl who loves you should do the same, and if she doesn't she isn't worth your time. I think it's a better match for a passive guy to be with a strong girl. If that bothers you, then maybe you should examine that first before getting involved with anyone.

If you have issues with yourself, it will manifest into your relationship and be a problem. It's not bad to be passive. You are very intelligent and seem nice enough. If you would prefer to be tough and a bad ass sort, then watch out because you will draw those problems that go along with that into your relationships. Why not just go with the flow instead of trying to be something that is not natural for you?

Do other people make you feel weak for it? f**k them. Be yourself, your best self. You are original as we all our if we live honestly.