Asking this girl out

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MDD123
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11 May 2009, 11:04 pm

Hector wrote:

I think what's best to keep in mind is that you're hanging out, don't commit yourself just yet to the idea that you're seeing someone. It's still very early days. I've been this far with three or four girls but never any further, which should tell you that just because you get this far doesn't mean you're well on the way to a new girlfriend.

So, "want to hang out" or some equivalent would be it. Not "want to go out" or "want to be my girlfriend" or something committal like that, at least not over the phone.

Since I never got any further, I don't feel myself qualified to advise any further.

Well, the terrain can be divided into 2 groups, "Friends" and "More than Friends". When you're friends, just do everything you can to be a good friend, in my experience it can be as simple as enjoying someone elses company.

Making the transition from friends has been a little different for me. I haven't had many hook ups from casual friends. I've usually started from the pretext that we were interested in eachother (a Date), and a lot have been while partying. All I can say is start with holding hands (very context specific here, don't just walk up to her and hold her hands), brushing your fingers on her arms, feeling her legs, ect... Basically slowly take things to the next level, sometimes she stops you, just respect her wishes and don't get frustrated do what she lets you do.

To reach a "more than friends" status, there are several different approaches and they all work to some extent, but in the end it isn't about how you got there, it's about what you do with it. I've had a few encounters (definately below average), but I spend a lot of time thinking about how they went.

Hector
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12 May 2009, 8:54 am

MDD123 wrote:

start with holding hands (very context specific here, don't just walk up to her and hold her hands), brushing your fingers on her arms, feeling her legs, ect... Basically slowly take things to the next level, sometimes she stops you, just respect her wishes and don't get frustrated do what she lets you do.

What contexts?

MDD123 wrote:

To reach a "more than friends" status, there are several different approaches and they all work to some extent, but in the end it isn't about how you got there, it's about what you do with it. I've had a few encounters (definately below average), but I spend a lot of time thinking about how they went.

What approaches?

CrinklyCrustacean
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12 May 2009, 5:59 pm

alex wrote:

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

Since we helped you, can you help us? How did you phrase the question?

if you're worried about the phrasing, you're thinking too much about this.

Perhaps we have different ideas of what asking a girl out is. For me, "Shall we have lunch on Tuesday?" would only be arranging a date if they were a couple first. Otherwise it could be platonic, depending on the context, how well the two people know each other, and how they feel about each other. I had assumed OmegaZero asked her to be his girlfriend somewhere in the exchange. Was I wrong to ask a question like this, or am I just naive and old-fashioned? :?:

OmegaZero
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12 May 2009, 9:42 pm

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

alex wrote:

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

Since we helped you, can you help us? How did you phrase the question?

if you're worried about the phrasing, you're thinking too much about this.

To clarify for you, I never asked her to be my girlfriend, just asked her out and I'll see where it goes from there

MDD123
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12 May 2009, 11:58 pm

Hector wrote:

What contexts?

What approaches?

Well, some situations aren't really appropriate to start the whole hand-holding thing. I mean if you're under the pretext of "friend" and you just try to hold her hand out of the blue, you'll have a bad encounter. What I've noticed is that we're after the uncomfortable small-talk phase when hand holding works.

There are just so many approaches to getting past the friends part, I don't even know half of them. I mean sometimes you don't have to do all the hard work because the other person is motivated, sometimes you're just running into a brick wall. A lot of it has to do with the other person being comfortable around you, seeing you as qualified, ect... I'm still figuring out stuff for myself.

AlMightyAl
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