Moral dilemma involving a bipolar person

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Arguably he should also get tested.

Of course -- but especially her. The Aspies on this forum seem to get less sexual activity than the norm -- The way she's acting, she likely gets more than the norm. For every guy like him that put on the brakes out of prudishness or lack of comfort with the situation, plenty more closed the deal and "slid into home base."

The guy been with an escort, we know nothing og this girls sexual history. Way to make assumptions.

Bipolar isn't just a label. I know that, this being an Aspie support site, we tend to want to discourage discrimination based on labels, but per my posts above (did you read them, especially my first?), bipolar people have a heck of a lot more risks than Aspies do. Risky behavior, volcanic emotional states, crippling depression, and a much higher suicide risk than average. So yes, there is an ethical concern here about whether to get further involved, especially given her behavior thus far.

i was responding to the OP not anyone else, & i didn't read that either..
as for your point here, i still maintain there's no real issue other than fear.
many people MAY be dangerous, suicidal, "risky" etc so what? i trust no-one completely so maybe i'm biased, but either you want to be with them, with ALL that entails, or you don't.. "p*ss or get off the pot" as it were.

I have a situation where your input might really help. It's about a girl I just started dating. Like the title of this thread indicates, she has bipolar condition (I won't say "disorder" out of respect for her); she told me during our first date. It's unusual for someone to be that upfront, but I appreciate the honesty. Anyway, go on reading the whole story, and see what you can suggest. This is a long post, but please bear with me. If you must, you can skip down to the third-last paragraph (the one with the numbered options).

I met the girl on a dating site. She seemed quite into me from the first message I sent. We exchanged a couple of messages on that site, then talked on AOL Instant Messenger for a week or so, then on the phone for a few days. Finally, we scheduled a day to meet up. (The new school of thought is meeting someone off the internet rather quickly, as opposed to chatting for many weeks, as it was done in the 1990's, when online dating first emerged.) I met her at a Starbucks two blocks from her apartment. She doesn't own a car, but I guess she still didn't feel comfortable with me coming to her home just yet.

We sat in the coffee shop for twenty minutes or so, exchanging basic introductions and making small talk. Even at this point, she was already smiling at me a lot and touching my hand. I never had a flirt with me so quickly after meeting me, so a flag went off in my head, but it was a yellow flag rather than a red flag. Then we got in my car and drove to a sports arcade-type place a few miles away. It had batting cages, a virtual golf driving range, and a lot of sport-related arcade games. Throughout the whole time there, she couldn't keep her hands off me, and kissed me at every possible opportunity. By then, I spent enough time with her, and she seemed really nice, so I was no longer worried about anything. After we were done playing, we went to eat. The table was in the way, so the physical contact was limited to holding hands. But the conversation was amazing, and it seemed like I never said a single wrong phrase throughout the whole time, even when I mentioned religion and past relationships (typical taboo topics on the first date).

After the restaurant, she invited me back to her apartment. We sat on the couch and watched random things on TV. Things progressed from cuddling to making out to heavy petting. We didn't go all the way, though. I thought things still got too far, but enjoyed them anyway. After we were finished, we rested and talked. Topics got more personal by then, and at one point, she admitted to me she had bipolar disorder; she also made it clear that she takes the right medication for it, and is determined to get her life on the right track. Throughout the date, she seemed a little "all over the place" with the conversation topics, but other than that, there were no clear signs of bipolar condition. Still, I became concerned about what I was getting into (namely, dating someone with bipolar), but felt too comfortable to speak up. The rest of the date went well, and we spend the remaining time just cuddling, talking, and doing light petting. At the end, she said it was getting late, since she had to be up early the next day. I got dressed, gave her a kissed goodnight, and I left her apartment. Then I got in my car, and drove off.

The whole date seemed very out of sync with what I've gotten used to over the years: the girl was very into me within an hour of meeting, it seemed like I could do no wrong, and things got to heavy petting on the first date. None of those things eve happened to me before. And yeah, there's also an issue of her admitting that she has bipolar condition. One one hand, I like her, we got along very nicely, and she seems like a sweet girl. On the other hand, I'm worried about the possible ramifications of her bipolar. Would she act irrationally? Would she fluctuate between highly affectionate and highly aggressive? And in an unlikely but serious case, would I endanger myself in any way? I don't know anywhere near as much about bipolar as about Asperger's, so these are serious questions.

Needless to say, I felt completely confused, disoriented, and shellshocked the whole drive home. My brain was having a lot of trouble processing and integrating the whole turn of events. My thought were racing from one to another, almost bipolar-style. Now, I'm at a loss of what to do: should I (1) leave as quickly as possible to avoid any ramifications, (2) keep seeing her but not get too involved emotionally and watch out for danger signs, (3) assume that she knows how to take care of her bipolar and let my guard down, or (4) not be a perfect boyfriend and hope she loses interest in time. Option 1 seems almost hypocritical, because I myself have AS. Option 2 doesn't seem fair to the girl, because she's a really nice person. And if things get serious, the bipolar issue will always be in the back of my mind, like a nagging worry. So I if chose not to pursue a relationship, her losing interest seems like the most moral way to go about it.

Here's a bit of information for comic relief. I was so overwhelmed by the what happened, that I needed alcohol. So I stopped at a 24-hour supermarket to get a beer and a small snack. I don't know how my facial expression looked like, but on the inside, I felt like I just came back from a battlefield where a couple of mortar shells exploded behind me. All I know is that the cashier didn't check my ID and undercharged me for the pretzels, and a cop standing by the entrance (on night patrol, presumably) held the door open for me. These events made me even more confused, on top of what already happened, so that beer really helped in calming me down.

Now that you've heard the whole story, what would you do in this situation? I didn't make a poll because it's not cut-and-dried like most aspies prefer. But it is what it is. So if you can offer any suggestions, advice, or comments, I'll really appreciate it.

I'm going to have to take a contrarian stance here -- Honestly everyone, much as you rush to the defense of the person with Bipolar issues, you need to also take the interests and safety of the OP into account. Let's not put this guy at risk just to be politically correct or "supportive."

Big red flags all over the place.

First, have you asked her (because it sounds like sexual intimacy is near) if she's been tested lately? Unfortunately, people with mental issues, especially manic ones, have a tendency to do impulsive things and have risky behaviors. This includes sex. I speak from experience on this one, having once contracted a STD from a person with similar behavior who was high-income and upper-middle class, but went through manic and depressive phases, and was almost certainly manic-depressive.

As is probably obvious, her behavior is far from normal for most women. If she was this free to touch and kiss you, how has she been with anyone else she met lately? Are you exclusive, or is she also dating other people? If she's dating other people, is she being careful and safe? There are a lot of bad things out there, and not just AIDS -- herpes is permanent, and Chlamydia is insidious and very widespread (it's what I caught), and can ruin your fertility and that of the next person you sleep with. Chlamydia is also especially destructive for women. Please consider that statistically, someone like this has a much higher chance of having something like this, because of promiscuous and risky/unpredictable behavior.

Before anyone comes on and slams me for having a double standard, honestly, take a step back, look at her behavior, and tell me is it normal? If you didn't know about the manic-depressive part, what would you think of her, and how would you characterize someone who acts like that? What would you estimate the risks were? Please everyone, let's not let PC-ness take away our reason.

Other notes about manic-depressive people -- over half will try to commit suicide over their lifetime, and 1 in 5 will succeed. They go through a lot of life turmoil, almost all of it self-inflicted. I had an aunt with it, and she pretty much self-sabotaged constantly, and was extremely hard to deal with.

Before you jump into this relationship, understand what you are getting into -- it is much more than the average emotional load for a relationship, and possibly massive overload for an Aspie. Please be careful, and consider yourself warned. You should also read up on bipolar/manic-depressive on wikipedia.