I don't like to party/dance/drink. Where do I find women?

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You don't have to party to meet people. In fact, the only people who meet people through night clubs etc are party people who meet party people. There is a vast portion of the population who don't fit this category, and meet people elsewhere.

It seems to me the biggest problem is that you've said you don't do anything except go on your computer. Unless you want to go for an online relationship, you don't have much of a chance.

My advice, like the advice of another poster, is to go out and get involved in your community. You might find it fun, and enriching. If there isn't any clubs (such as chess, art, etc) you're interested in joining, why not go for volunteer work? You can meet all kinds of people that way, and broaden your horizons. I would be doing volunteer work myself if I wasn't already booked to the nines with music related extra-curricular.

This advice is all well and good to find friends, but unless you're over the age of 40 or are otherwise into people thereof, you're not going to find love there... most young adults stay away from the volunteer stuff in my experience...

How hard is it for the average person (as far as looks and life are concerned) to find a date online? Do you have to send fifty e-mails a day to have a realistic chance of finding someone or you just wait patiently for women to contact you?



My 9-5 job drains me of almost all my energy. I look forward to the weekend almost all week long and the last thing I want is more work and more responsibility.

You could step a little bit outside of your comfort zone and take introductory ballroom dance lessons.

Hmmm I'm not entirely sure because I've never been interested in/tried dating online. As far as penpals go, I've found it very easy to make those type of friends. I don't think I'm the person to ask about online relationships.



My 9-5 job drains me of almost all my energy. I look forward to the weekend almost all week long and the last thing I want is more work and more responsibility.[/quote]

It doesn't always have to be responsibility/work... maybe try something you might find fun? fit_nerd's suggestion of ballroom dancing is a good one - you can meet lots of people though that, and maybe just do it one night a week or something (so you still have weekends off). With my extra-curricular I mostly schedule it for weeknights (except for concerts and special events etc), so mostly my weekends are still free. It's all about organizing and structuring your time. Sure, it is much more tough for an aspie (as we need more alone time) but you've got to somehow make time (even an hour or two a week is a good start) for socializing if you want to to form real life friendships and relationships.

Some people do this socializing through clubbing, but others do it through extra-curricular - and I highly recommend extra-curricular over clubbing because you're more likely to meet the kind of people you will get along with.

It really isn't hard finding a girl in your day to day life. You should look for her in the places that are a part of your life, then you know for a fact you have something in common.

Not that easy when your daily life consists of a college with a 4:1 male to female ratio (and you don't even know anyone because you commute), a church where you're the sole representative of the 18-30 demographic, and not much else (the former two take most of my time, so I don't have time for anything else...)

Yeah, I don't like those kinds of things either. But the fact is that it has the highest chance of meeting someone. But, I do not want the kind of woman that you would find that way and I don't think any of us would either. That is unless all you are looking for is a one night stand. But not for romance.....

Sadly...I think you might be right about the volunteer work Toad... I use to think it was a great idea to meeting people too. I guess all you have is your self to deal with like another WP member said here.

When I drank and when into clubs it was only sex or mingling. When it comes to interests and volunteer work...I don't think it's so much that people of a younger age don't care for it...it's just too hard to try and put that extra effort in trying to meet them every day and wanting something more than just a friendship from them. I mean even when they show the slightest interst...it's hard for me to catch or deal with in the most "normal" way.

I have a lot of problems with this. I'm good at sometimes initiating a "frienship" to some degree...but when it comes to more than that, I'm freakn' confused with the signals and how to respond....unless it's just sex. My biggest fear is hitting on someone who's not interested. Last guy I tried to hit on was gay /:

And..don't get me wrong, sex is find, I'm just attracted to more aspects than just say...sex...it's hard to know where I should tread and where I shouldn't. Some guys I've run into are the slam bam...thank you ma'm.

Anyway...as I get older, I still feel insecure and confused about how I'll react when I'm either rejected out of vanity or not loved. I guess that's why I never really post here much.

Me too... I've been attracted gay guys before too, more than once, even when everyone else knew they were gay, and told me they were gay - and I didn't believe them for ages. It's a really embarrassing feeling hey?

I just don't see that many people my age volunteering... they're either workaholics or party people...


Pretty much the same thing here... making friends is all fine and easy to do, especially in my church, but the moment I think some woman is even the slightest bit interested in me, I pretty much seize up... it's like the concept doesn't compute...


What's even worse is that I'm expected to be like that by not just other men but women also... I've had to convince women before that a full relationship is what I'm looking for, not necessarily empty sex...


If only you lived near me...

Maybe you're looking in the wrong places then.
I used to volunteer for an 'organisation' called 'Food not Bombs' and there were PLENTY of young people (not over 40), all around my age give or take 5 years. Every now and then there would be someone older joining in, but it was mostly young people.
I know of one guy from there that volunteered at the RSPCA (he was sixteen), another used to be friend (23 at the time) of mine volunteered at a homeless shelter, serving food and having a chat with the people there every now and then..

And like I said. Activity clubs. You will definitely find young people there.

go to church lmao

Anime Conventions can be a ripe ground if you're into it. Plenty of girls there often enough.

Even if there are unacknowleded rules of such a place.

You're missing the not so obvious places, for example, grocery store (I'm sure you go shopping) and the other places you go to as part of your routine. And I don't see why you can't meet anyone at your church? If you have issues flirting, just be friendly. Maybe it's easier if you're just friends first, get comfortable with each other, and then tell her you like her. And who knows, even with the odds stacked up against you, you may still meet someone at your college. Just keep your eyes open. If that's really all you do in your life, then I would suggest adding at least one activity that you've always wanted to do to enrich your life and give you the opportunity to meet new people. You must have some other interest besides computer, college, and church.

you can skip around in the park, and ask women there*

or you can jump across a few tables, and ask a woman out from your library*

OR you can go to your local swimming pool, and check out some women there*

or you can join your local golf-club, and hit on the ladies there!*

a woman LOVES to get interrupted from her grocery shopping, by random strangers hitting on them! another winner!*

* careful so you dont get arrested.

in other words
your pretty much doomed.

i dont get all the "uplifting" replies here, "go outside there are women everywhere"

go to a club, or stay lonely. i stay lonely, i also hate the club.