How do I let my boyfriend know how AS affects me?

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Hi Littlemissfickle,

A couple people have suggested taking notes and I totally recommend that if, like me, you have difficulty speaking and initiating conversations about tricky subjects. (Does it feel like your throat closes? Mine does - it actually physically hurts.) However, I also agree with the poster who said that you sending your boyfriend an email might come across to him as a copout. Maybe making notes and then sitting down and talking to him reading off your notes? It might seem wildly awkward, but I can't think of a better way to make it blatantly obvious to him that this kind of thing really is HARD for you.

As for the "you could if you just tried harder" line, which I've heard so often I've considered having a t-shirt made, I explain Asperger's as what it is: a neurological disorder, a miswiring of the brain, not "just" a psych issue as many people seem to think. I think of it kind of like left-handedness used to be: children being forced to write with their right hands in school, etc. You might be able to force it if you're lucky, but it's going to be messy and uncomfortable and unnatural, and if you're strongly left-handed it might take a lifetime to learn or just flat out isn't going to work.

I was in a similar situation, in a relationship where the guy complained about precisely those things. Sadly I didn't find out about Aspergers until it was all over - so now I'm left wondering if knowing would have made a difference. Odd as it may seem, I think you're fortunate to have the opportunity to explain yourself. The very best of luck to you.

I call this "Like Me Disease", and I catch myself doing it sometimes too. Children often assume that everyone else in the world is like them unless they happen to have an unusual personality type or disability where the fallacy of this is obvious, and many young adults haven't quite outgrown that yet. I have also discovered that many folks who do not personally experience something also have little or no means to understand it in others. You may never get him to understand what it's like for you. He may just have to learn to accept you, and trust that you are being genuine with him.