Qualities you DON'T want in a guy/girl?

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League_Girl
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03 Aug 2010, 1:07 pm

Double post.



hale_bopp
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03 Aug 2010, 4:14 pm

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
You just want someone who has everything going for them and has no baggage/commitments so they can put all of their time and energy towards you. Kind of ironic that you had selfish listed as a quality you didn't want in a potential boyfriend.


I don't remember stating here that I want that, reason being, it's crap.
What a stupid thing to say, I'm not like that at all.

Just assume I want something and then say it's "ironic" based on nothing but your incorrect opinion is f*cking ignorant and stupid if you asked me.

Being attracted to someone with a job who lives in the adult world is hardly expecting someone with "everything going for them" so that's a stupid thing to say and an unfair assumption.



MissConstrue
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03 Aug 2010, 4:33 pm

I would be very careful to assume that people who live with their parents are either lazy or aren't independent. Most of my family have had to deal with this issue for a long time. My brother lost his job and is now back with his grandparents. He's been working very hard to scrimp and save from a job that earns minimum wage. I ended up becoming homeless after trying to live on my own. Now I live with my dad but I do my part to pay rent and keep up with the maintanance. We're both on a very tight budget. Roomates are great if you can get along with them. However I don't know why it's an awful thing to live with family. Most of us live in the adult world and are doing the best we can to be "independent" whatever that means. I've had two friends lose their job recently and they're also living with family members. One of them was living in his car before deciding to live with parents. He had the same attitude about living with parents.

It's not easy for everybody and I know what you're saying HP but where I live the cost of rent is very steep. You're lucky if you're able to afford college and find a job you've pursued a degree for. My sister is still struggling with this and is living with my mom. I consider her very independent and she pays college out of her pockets while working two jobs. It's been very stressful. Just be careful with your words of choice. Responsibility doesn't automatically mean you earn something for it. There are a lot of people who work hard to be in the "adult world".


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hyperlexian
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03 Aug 2010, 5:31 pm

i've reviewed the opinions on the topic of living with parents, and i stand by my opinion: that i can understand a person wanting a partner who does not live with his/her parents. i thought hard about why i feel this way... it's not just a financial issue. i would want an idea that my partner wouldn't depend on *me* for financial/ emotional support beyond what any spouse would provide. it is a positive sign of independence if s/he is 38 and doesn't live at home. not a guarantee, but a good sign.



hale_bopp
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03 Aug 2010, 6:12 pm

Miss C, I know what you mean about someone struggling with jobs. But by, lets say, 35 one would like to think someone would have that sorted, 20's is different, still bordering the whole find your place in the empolyment world education etc etc.

Room mates really aren't any worse to live with than family from my experience, although both are extremely annoying in their own ways.

I'm not saying living with your parents is flat out wrong at all. I'm saying I, personally am not attracted to men in their 30s who are still in the whole family dynamics household mentality.

And to those of you thinking i'm some sort of monster because of what i'm not attracted to, you'll find a lot of women in their mid to late 20s feel the same. And it gets worse as women get older.



hyperlexian
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03 Aug 2010, 6:28 pm

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
as to the living with a roomie as opposed to living with parents, if a person were choosing between the 2 options... why select the option of living with parents? living with parents will not allow the majority of people an independent existence. sure, there would be some exceptions, for example a person who rents a basement suite from their parents, but would not most people still be living with parents as part of a nuclear family? i don't think very many people would treat mom like a college dorm roommate. there would still be the nuclear family dynamics in place, and honestly, at the age of 38, if i were seeking a life partner i would hope that most people my age would have moved on from that.

exceptions of course for anyone who is living at home temporarily, or who is caring for an ill or aging parent, or who cannot care for themselves. but if you want to seem like an independent adult to the opposite sex, it is probably a good idea to move out of the family home.


Again you seemed to have misunderstood me. What I'm saying is just because someone doesn't live 'independently' it doesn't mean they are incapable of doing so. Also claiming they are just lazy and can't bothered if they capable of living by themselves but choose not to is just an excuse, it's never as simple as that. I don't live with my parents, but I don't see the logic in someone living on their own for the sake of it, if they are scraping to get by every week and can't enjoy life. Where is the fun in that?


what? i've never called someone lazy on this thread.



jman
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03 Aug 2010, 6:31 pm

Quote:
Miss C, I know what you mean about someone struggling with jobs. But by, lets say, 35 one would like to think someone would have that sorted, 20's is different, still bordering the whole find your place in the empolyment world education etc etc.


In today's economy people a lot of people in their 30s, 40s, 50s etc are either ending up back with their family or ending up homeless.

http://unemployed-friends.forumotion.co ... t12980.htm



hale_bopp
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03 Aug 2010, 6:50 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Daemonic-Jackal wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
as to the living with a roomie as opposed to living with parents, if a person were choosing between the 2 options... why select the option of living with parents? living with parents will not allow the majority of people an independent existence. sure, there would be some exceptions, for example a person who rents a basement suite from their parents, but would not most people still be living with parents as part of a nuclear family? i don't think very many people would treat mom like a college dorm roommate. there would still be the nuclear family dynamics in place, and honestly, at the age of 38, if i were seeking a life partner i would hope that most people my age would have moved on from that.

exceptions of course for anyone who is living at home temporarily, or who is caring for an ill or aging parent, or who cannot care for themselves. but if you want to seem like an independent adult to the opposite sex, it is probably a good idea to move out of the family home.


Again you seemed to have misunderstood me. What I'm saying is just because someone doesn't live 'independently' it doesn't mean they are incapable of doing so. Also claiming they are just lazy and can't bothered if they capable of living by themselves but choose not to is just an excuse, it's never as simple as that. I don't live with my parents, but I don't see the logic in someone living on their own for the sake of it, if they are scraping to get by every week and can't enjoy life. Where is the fun in that?


what? i've never called someone lazy on this thread.


He's referring to me with that. I said some people (some, not all) stay because its too easy there and they have no reason they feel they should move out.



Ferdinand
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03 Aug 2010, 6:52 pm

I also don't want to date anyone who is a Hindu or a Muslim.


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JonSM99
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03 Aug 2010, 7:40 pm

Ferdinand wrote:
I also don't want to date anyone who is a Hindu or a Muslim.


Well, it's your right to be bigoted if you want.



foreveryoung
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03 Aug 2010, 7:59 pm

If a girl is a 6 on the 10 scale lookswise and not crazy and at least semi-intelligent, I'll date her.



Ferdinand
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03 Aug 2010, 7:59 pm

foreveryoung wrote:
If a girl is a 6 on the 10 scale lookswise and not crazy and at least semi-intelligent, I'll date her.


Either a girl is a 0 or a 10 to me. I do not understand scales.


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04 Aug 2010, 5:16 am

JonSM99 wrote:
Ferdinand wrote:
I also don't want to date anyone who is a Hindu or a Muslim.


Well, it's your right to be bigoted if you want.


I don't see anything bigoted about it. You may as well say it's sexist to refuse to date people of the same sex, or homophobic for not dating gays. There's a big difference between not wanting intimacy with a particular group and being irrationally hostile to them. Muslims and hindus have a right to exist but they don't have a right to date people who aren't willing to date them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bigotry
"A bigot is a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices. The correct use of the term requires the elements of intolerance, irrationality, and animosity toward those of differing beliefs. The term has evolved to refer to persons hostile to people of differing race, ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation and religion in modern English usage."

Intolerance: it could be said to be intolerant but we're not talking about forced repatriation here, we're talking about sexual preferences, and practically all of us know loads of people we'd refuse to sleep with, and quite rightly so.

irrationality: it's entirely rational to wish to steer clear of relationships with people who strongly embrace stuff that you don't relate to. Personally I'd see every case as negotiable, and I have had reasonably successful relationships with religious people, but I can see how it could be a problem......I would quite understand if a religious lady didn't want to date me because of my atheism.

animosity: I didn't notice any animosity in the original post. You don't have to hate somebody to not wish to date them.



League_Girl
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04 Aug 2010, 12:45 pm

I am not single but I stay away from transexuals or anyone who wants a sex change because I am put off by it and turned off. I have nothing against them and I don't hate them nor are intolorant of them. I just wouldn't want to be in a reltionship with one. I don't mind them as friends or aqquantences. I think there is a big difference between friendship and relationships. Things you don't want in a reltionship but in a friendship you don't mind it. Same as when they are just your aqquantences.

Heck I am sure there are people out there who would not want to date someone who is a different race than them or different nationality but that doesn't mean they are racist. They just want to date their own kind and they don't hate black people or Jewish people or Chinese or Japanesse or Mexican or Indian or Native American. They just want someone who is also white.

I can remember my 20 year old brother saying when he was 16 "I think everyone is shallow when it comes to relationships" when my mom was telling me I should find men who I find sexy, not date men who are fat because I am not turned on by them and I was saying it would make me shallow and narrow if I do that and my mom said to have good sex and be able to want it, I need to find someone I find attractive that makes me turned on and what am I turned on by? Thin men, not too skinny nor too big, is handsome, quirky, unique, eccentric.

There are men out there who like boobs so they will find women who have big breasts or there are men who like butts but don't like flat ones so they go for women who have butts and not flat ones. It doesn't mean anyone who doesn't have a butt that sticks out, they hate them. They just aren't sexually attracted to them.

Some are sexually attracted to looks and some are sexually attracted to personalities. I go for personalities than looks. But the biggest thing that would turn me away is if they are very big they can't leave their home or if they had a sex change or considered themselves transgender and of course being a woman (biological). :lol:



hyperlexian
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04 Aug 2010, 3:18 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
JonSM99 wrote:
Ferdinand wrote:
I also don't want to date anyone who is a Hindu or a Muslim.


Well, it's your right to be bigoted if you want.


I don't see anything bigoted about it. You may as well say it's sexist to refuse to date people of the same sex, or homophobic for not dating gays. There's a big difference between not wanting intimacy with a particular group and being irrationally hostile to them. Muslims and hindus have a right to exist but they don't have a right to date people who aren't willing to date them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bigotry
"A bigot is a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices. The correct use of the term requires the elements of intolerance, irrationality, and animosity toward those of differing beliefs. The term has evolved to refer to persons hostile to people of differing race, ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation and religion in modern English usage."

Intolerance: it could be said to be intolerant but we're not talking about forced repatriation here, we're talking about sexual preferences, and practically all of us know loads of people we'd refuse to sleep with, and quite rightly so.

irrationality: it's entirely rational to wish to steer clear of relationships with people who strongly embrace stuff that you don't relate to. Personally I'd see every case as negotiable, and I have had reasonably successful relationships with religious people, but I can see how it could be a problem......I would quite understand if a religious lady didn't want to date me because of my atheism.

animosity: I didn't notice any animosity in the original post. You don't have to hate somebody to not wish to date them.


your argument is moot because we do not know the reasons *why* he would not date a person of hindu or muslim religion, or who is black. he may indeed be bigoted, but we do not know - you are assuming that his reasons for deselecting these women is not based on racial or religious hatred, but your assumption is optimistic and could easily be false. all we know is what he told us - that he would not date them. you are reading between the lines, perhaps falsely.



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05 Aug 2010, 3:32 am

hyperlexian wrote:
your argument is moot because we do not know the reasons *why* he would not date a person of hindu or muslim religion, or who is black. he may indeed be bigoted, but we do not know - you are assuming that his reasons for deselecting these women is not based on racial or religious hatred, but your assumption is optimistic and could easily be false. all we know is what he told us - that he would not date them. you are reading between the lines, perhaps falsely.

But that's all I was saying - that there's no evidence of the poster being a bigot. I wasn't trying to say the poster is definitely not a bigot.