Do looks even matter for Aspies?

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but that wasn't what mds_02 said at all. what he said was that he had physical attraction to women then imagined them to have positive traits that they did not possess. so the attraction was 100% based on looks, and when the personalities didn't match, his mind did a bit of manipulation. this is not the same as looks being one factor of many

Get in here mds_02, I'd love to read an example.

it was an extremely honest admission. think most of us could find similar experiences in our own pasts too

hyperlexian has it pretty much exactly right. Looks aren't everything to me. I very highly value positive personality traits; kindness, boldness, a sense of humor. I would not date someone who I did not believe to have a good, positive personality. The problem is that my mind will trick me into believing a person has those traits when they really don't, based on my physical attraction to them.

It's not that I say to myself (consciously, at least) "oh, she's so pretty. She must be a good person." But, when I'm attracted to someone, I'll ignore, or make excuses for, any negative behavior they show.

Short version; Personality matters to me. A lot. But show me a pretty face, and I can be fooled into thinking that the personality is there when it just isn't.

I don't really know how to give an example that doesn't read as "I liked her. She did something to hurt me, and I didn't see it coming because I was so infatuated." everyone has a version of that story. Most people, it happens to a few times. I'm just saying that when it does happen to me, the reason I don't see it coming is usually her looks.

I'm kinda agreeing with both sides here.

The point hyper is making, that attraction can develop where there was none initially based on personality, makes perfect sense to me. I'm just pointing out that the reverse happens as well. A good personality can help someone appear attractive, but attractiveness can help someone appear to have a good personality.

At the same time, I see what ZX is saying. A lot of posts in this thread sound as though physical attraction plays no part at all. Unless a person is incapable of physical attraction, it just does not compute that they would not take it into account when choosing a mate. Further, I believe that someone who ignores physical attraction (assuming they feel it) is doing both themselves and their partner a disservice. Denying themselves the pleasure of a partner they are attracted to, and denying their partner the pleasure of finding someone who is attracted to them.

yeah my ex said when he met me he ignored the things he didnt like about my personality and life because he liked how I looked.

I wish people didnt do that as no one wants to be unaccepted and not liked for who they are

and people dont keep ignoring a persons faults because they find them attractive, sooner or later they become increasingly critical of those flaws.

Yeah, I'm normally very picky, but if a female shows me kindness and what-not, I normally stop caring about what they look like.

I agree that that tendency does not help either partner. All I can say in my defense is that I do not do it on purpose, and I do my best to work against it.

And yeah, sooner or later the person's faults become more evident. Nobody is perfect, faultless. If you go into a relationship thinking your partner is, you are asking for the relationship to fail. Most likely very badly. Much better to enter a relationship when you truly know the person, including their faults.

I thought it was a funny clip totally irrelevant to anything in the thread, 'cause frankly I was getting sick of it.

then go to another thread.

From what i am seeing here, hell yea. Not different than the regular population.