6-Pack Abs

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No, of course not. But it shouldn't prevent you from interacting with people again. I know that bad experiences can determine the way we see people, but those bullies or those girls who didn't notice you aren't all the people in the world. And their behavior shouldn't determine you to the point of start believing in their crap.

Whenever I feel like you do, I watch anime openings to cheer me up.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fo7jH23J1h0[/youtube]

It's difficult to overcome the past but we all face failure, we all face rejection, the key is not to let it define us or destroy our outlook or enthusiasm to try again. You need to take that pain and focus on becoming a stronger person, focus it into something productive and character building. The world is a cruel place, people and hierarchies are predatory by nature, people can be bullies but only if you let them and you need to rise above it. I have had people start fights with me, only for them to lose and come back later with a gang, I have been outnumbered on several occasions, I know someone who is seven foot tall and he was robbed by an armed gang so it doesn't matter how tall or strong you are, most people won't play fair and will go below the belt if they can.

Always remember that people are out for their own, people are pack animals and that it's a dog eat dog world. I have no respect for people who use the insecurities of others to get an advantage on someone and I certainly wouldn't let it define who I am or my sense of happiness or confidence and that's why you need to rise above it and realize you're the better person.

Was this reply written for me or MXH?

I know about the social hierarchies and the need of some people to define who they are based on where they stand in this hierarchy, which often includes abusing those "below".

As for the fights, it's a bit tricky when you are a 5'3" girl with glasses. One would think people (well, male people) wouldn't hit a girl, but it's not my experience. Most of the female bullies I've encountered were verbally abusive to me while male bullies were physically abusive.

But you know what? As I grew older, it stopped. (Well, not the verbal insults, but the physical). I guess people mature over time?

Still, I've realized that certain attitudes make you more vulnerable and attract bullies more. In my case, it was because I cared. I've discovered that when I act like I don't care about those people or what they think, they respect me more or at least leave me alone.

I'm very surprised that you were physically assaulted by males, that's certainly not acceptable or normal under any circumstances but I suppose they saw you as an easy target, I don't see any honor in packs of men abusing a girl or someone that isn't an equal challenge. I'm surprised also because I'd imagine you'd be less of a target being a 5'3 girl because people wouldn't see you as much of a challenge but it seems you're more of a target as people can take advantage?

Yes, social hierarchies are very evident in every place you go and I think the trouble is that us people on the spectrum aren't pack animals, we're not a cog in the wheel to keep the machine turning and that's why so many of us feel like we don't truly belong or we haven't found our place in this world. I think people recognize that we're not pack animals, we haven't conformed and that makes us different from everyone else. I do think there's certain attitudes and characteristics we can adapt that help us to fit in, make friends and connect easier with people but the only problem with this is that we can find ourselves in the social hierarchy and become predatory ourselves.

I'm not so much sure on females but where I'm from, males tend to value strength and confidence so males can establish themselves through those characteristics, as you said, someone who is tall, muscular and shows certain traits is more likely to be respected in real life situations, so working out benefits us in that area. For instance, a group of weightlifters with confident body language are going to look less vulnerable so yes, certain physical and mental characteristics and traits do help us. I went from being a skinny 140lbs to 200lbs+ over the past few years and found it helped in many areas so by all means I think working out can be beneficial if you're a male and I do think it's very beneficial for people on the spectrum. I'd imagine with females, it's more to do with social skills and popularity so in a sense it's even harder?

Last edited by Wolfheart on 23 Nov 2011, 12:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.

You don't have to feel confident to act confident. A few successful interactions, even if they are based on what some would call being fake, and you'll start to feel the real thing.

I fake everything, very well I may add. But theres no replacement for the real thing

Maybe that's regional thing? I'm an Eastern European, and it's expected that girls and women look and act a certain way (feminine, dressed up, etc.) to be even considered a true female. I've never had men opening doors for me or helping me carry heavy stuff like they do to some other girls so I guess physical violence has a lot to do with not being perceived as a female at all. (And the funny thing is, I'm not masculine at all; I am a tomboy but I'm quite gentle). Another friend of mine had a same problem, so maybe that's it?

Oh, and it wasn't a challenge to hit me; I'm not really good in physical confrontation and I wear glasses. Still, this sort of violence stopped after the teen years so I guess it's some kind of a teen thing?



I do think people react negatively to people who don't fit in or don't want to fit in, but I think it's more about finding an easy target to position yourself within the hierarchy. But it's true people can change and even those who were abused can become the abusers. So it's important to remember who you are and to stay a decent human even if you build confidence and social skills, and even if you get accepted by people. (And I do think having a circle of close friends and socializing is a good thing).



Yes, it's same here. It definitely helps for a guy to be tall and strong. Well, there's not much a person can do about the height, but certain traits and strength is what make people respect you if you're a guy. Also, people respect assertive men and those who seem confident and strong. It helps in everyday interaction with people in all areas of life, as well as romantic situations and dating.

So if working out helps a guy build confidence, I'm all for it.



With females, it's extremely important how you look. If you're perceived as attractive, everything is much easier. And to be perceived as attractive, you don't really have to be pretty, but you need to make people believe you're "taking care of yourself". If you're dressed up and wear make up, and if you're not messy, it sure helps. For some reason, this makes people think you're more confident and even a better person.

I've never learned how to do this (I lack fashion sense, but even more, I like the casual style and the "tomboy wear"), so I discovered there's an alternative way: you just stop caring. You stop caring about what people think or how they perceive you. You stop caring that you're ignored or that nobody wants to hear your opinion. You stop seeking other people's approval or company. For some reason (at least in my case), it makes people respect you more. They may still perceive me as strange or pissed off (people often tell me to smile more or to dress better because omg, I'm such a pretty girl, why don't I want to dress better?), but it shows them you have a character so they are less likely to ridicule you.

It doesn't really solve the problem. And it might not be a good advice at all. But in a way, it works for me.

8 pack anyone?

Many of the women who say they do not like muscular guys are lying. I don't know how many women I have heard say that (usually total BS) and then the same women stare drooling at some buff guy with his shirt off (the athlete/toned type, usually 6-packed, not the Arnold-type). There are even few studies show that muscular guys are more likely to have sexual partners, something that makes sense for my observations.


Maybe many just don't like the sort of personality that usually accompanies that sort of physique but they like to look at it nevertheless.

I don't get women who like bellies, but each to their own. I gather the same women must like moobs!

Well, as a gay guy I can say that I find a 6 pack attractive. But not really an overdeveloped one, just one that's toned and visible. Mind you, I'm a virgin, and maybe if I ever am with someone who's really muscular I'd changed my mind. Also, that's not to say that I'm not attracted to someone who doesn't have a 6 pack. The face is more important than the body, and the personality is more important than the face.

Good point.

well, think of it this way.

most men say they don't like heavy makeup. yet most idols that they fawn over wear heavy makeup, and if a woman with packed on makeup walks by, she is likely to get a second look.

studies have shown that men tend to glance first at pictures of women with the heavy makeup (in a group of mixed pictures), so it gets their attention and they seem attracted to that. but when men look at pictures of bare-faced women (or less makeup) alone, they tend to spend longer looking at those pix than the pix of women with heavy makeup.

so some things can draw a person's eye, but these things are ultimately not really attractive or important for longer than a few seconds. so 6-packs and heavy makeup are both irrelevant for actual dating. subjectively, a person says, "i don't like _X_" and they really mean it. however, they may still briefly notice that characteristic.

Probably because heavy makeup stands out in a mixed group. Not because it's appealing to look at.

Sometimes, heavy makeup can make a woman look really scary. Ever seen that Shaolin Soccer scene when the girl puts on some horrible makeup. She looked more appealing when she had skin sores over her face.

it doesn't explain why women in heavy makeup get so much attention at a party (or in the media) for example. they aren't necessarily women that men would want to date, but they get attention.