Izaak wrote:
To DataSage:
I am not dissing your post. I realise exactly what you are getting at. What I can't understand is your path. How does one get to point B (incapable of understanding instul based humour, blindness to body language/facial expressions, tonal voice patterns in distinguishing emotional content of interpersonal communication to someone who can be cocky funny?)
I am not saying this just to give more ammo to calandale. I am saying this because I have trouple with these things. I.E. What facial expression body posture should I practice during the employ of cocky funny? If I can not even tell if my own mother is happy or sad or angry or whatever, how am I to approximate some person I meet out in the world? What particular facial patterns should I be on the lookout for in IOI's. What does raised eyebrows in combination with an upturned mouth tell me that a toothy grin and a furrowed brow doesn't? What clues do I look out for as when to initiate physical contact, and what indicated appropriate contact? Shoud I touch her lightly onthe shoulder, the forearm, the elbow? How heavy should the contact be? Are there ways to practice that amount of physical contact for those with force control problems? For those of us with eye contact problems... can you also list out guidlines for appropriate eye contact? Where should we look? If eye contact is the norm in what proportion should we be looking at the eyes, and where are other appropriate places to glance? If it's 90% eye contact, how much of the other 10% gets devoted to mouth, other parts of the place you're in etc...? For those of us with tonal difficulties, what key should we be talking in, and should we deliver our cocky funny in a differnt key/lilt/inflection in order to distinguish it as a line intended with humour? For those of us with obsessions who prefer to talk about little else and to whom "small talk" is the most alien and annoying thing on the planet... what indicators do you suggest we look for as when to shut up about our obsession with aquatic life of the Marianas trench etc...
So once again... I would ask you not to insult everyone that is having trouble with your guide by describing the only difficulties one should be having with your guide as one of mere confidence. Or as you so delicately put it "REAL confidence."
Looking forward to your response.
I appreciate the positive critique and feedback. I wish I got more of it.
This is exactly the stuff I'm going to be addressing in a future update, and I had noted that awhile ago back in January. Due to my hiatus, I've not been able to write about it much. It (the next update) will undoubtedly be even larger than the previous one because this stuff gets to be unbelievably deep and can seem convoluted at times, if not downright overwhelming. The most difficult section for this guide to write will be the keno part because of the spatial problems us aspies have.
For sake of your personal queries though, I will answer what I can in this post without getting too detailed.
First, whenever you're doing ANYTHING in the cocky funny routine, you have to be relaxed, or at least convey the image that you're relaxed. The problem is, even if you're truly nervous and acting relaxed at the same time, most women will pick this up with their BS sensors. Think of how you feel watching TV or just hanging out with your best friend. Usually the posture I take is I sit back in my chair with one arm resting on the back, if I can lean up against a wall or something. If my seat isn't against a wall, or I'm not in a booth, a really good technique is to rest one of your wrists on the table/surface you're taking the approach at, and the other on your knee. This type of posture speaks to a woman's subconscience; it shows you're aggressive but by no means creepy. If you're standing, I always suggest having something in hand like a drink. NEVER put your hands in your pockets, under any circumstances; this gives most women a bad vibe, and makes it look like you're trying too hard.
A good, original seduction style, pioneered by a man named Mystery, is classically relied on being relaxed and cocky funny. An excellent example of it in action is here (this guy is good though--it takes practice, like everything else):
[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=5cgmIMvgYY0[/youtube]
A common mistake I've also seen people make (mostly NTs but it could happen with aspies as well) is that they think too much about making eye contact. And because of this, they think consciously about making eye contact, so they go into the approach with their eyes glued as wide as they can, and never looking away. This is overcompensation when it comes to body language. Too much of the wrong type of eye contact can scare a woman away before you even do your opening. The "wrong type of eye contact" is mainly that cold stare with the stiff eyebrows. You want the relaxed look, as if you're looking at a painting. You want to make eye contact when you ask her a question, as well as when she answers. And you always want to be the last one to look away. But never stare at her when she's off paying attention to something else. Eye contact should always be fixated on her lips, or facial features, however, it is okay to look elsewhere, particular if it's at an article of jewlery or something. And if you do take a glance at a necklace, or a ring, always compliment her on it. I like to compliment women on shoes and the like, because women spend a lot of time buying crap like that, and they love it when you notice them. And it never hurts to throw in the cocky funny in that instance; if they're red, tell her that you think if she clicks them, she may wind up in Kansas.
On the keno (physical contact): this is a pretty nebulous topic. Dating gurus have written entire books on keno alone. I remember watching one guru (his name eludes me at the moment), who did an entire 2 hour lecture on keno and the different ways to touch women during initial approaches. I think it was part of the annual Craig's List Seduction Seminar from like a 2 years ago, I'll have to get back to you on it, but I'll definitely have an expanded section totally devoted to keno in the future.
I hope I've helped, even just a little bit. But I do promise I'll be talking about everything you said at length in the future.
05 Aug 2007, 4:25 pm
