14 May 2013, 3:45 am
OliveOilMom
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14 May 2013, 3:46 am
Who_Am_I wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
You do realise you can get an STD even if you sleep with only one person?
Yes I realize it. However, condoms do normally work pretty well. While of course the safest sex is no sex, condoms are the next best thing.
My post was directed at Psychosarah, not you.
Ah ok, my bad. The quotes are confusing sometimes.
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14 May 2013, 3:48 am
cakey wrote:
Greb wrote:
cakey wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
I don’t understand the idea of using someone for sex. If both want it, it’s sex in exchange for sex; otherwise, it’s rape, so I wouldn’t consider them friends. Besides, in the former case, why assume it’s the man who uses the woman for sex, and not vice-versa?
When we say using someone for sex it means using someone only for personal fulfillment, without regard to anything else. So if I was in FWB situation, I would use him for sex and he would use me for sex.
Does that mean that you use your friends for personal fulfillment without regard to anything else?
I don't use anyone. BTW, I'm an introvert.
True friends care about each other and feel compassion for each other. I would also like to add that a person isn't a friend if they use you for personal gains. Also, I view FWB or one night stand things as though someone asking to copy my homework. They don't care for me at all, but they just want their grade higher for their personal fulfillment. In this way too, I'd feel used. Obviously having no friends is better than fake friends. I never said I used anyone btw if you read my posts, I am not comfortable with FWB.One night stands are not FWB. Those are flings, that is another different story.
FWB is a lasting relation where two people have sex repeteadly. Those two people can or can not be real friends, since there's only one word that covers two different situations (two friends having sex and two acquaitances that meet to have sex from time to time). But for some reason you're not considering possible the following situation: a person who has sex with you (understand 'you' as a generic person), who cares for you but who doesn't want a romantic relationship.
14 May 2013, 3:53 am
Greb, if I understood and cared for another man, they would make my heart flutter and make me fall in love and WANT a relationship. This is why I don't do it. Maybe your heart doesn't shake when you get physical but mine does. So don't you think it's all based on personal experience then? If your heart doesn't flutter or fall in love with a girl you care for and have sex with(who you coinsider a friend), then by all means, I can understand why you are normal with such a relationship. But you aren't in my shoes or the other guy's shoes who do feel a strong connection when making love.
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The_Face_of_Boo
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14 May 2013, 3:54 am
14 May 2013, 3:56 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
cakey wrote:
The love I speak of is also unconditional. If a family member does a horrific crime, of course we must let them go to be punished, but that won't mean that the love is gone. Same thing with romantic partners. They could cheat, be a compulsive liar, and all these other things that could cause a break-up, but that wouldn't mean that the love that was there would go away. It just means they weren't compatible. When you love someone, you don't expect anything in return except you want them to be happy. I just don't consider wanting another person to be happy a way of using somone at all. I think using someone for sex, money or any other superficial/physical thing is to disregard their personality and being.
That's a sooooo idealistic view on romantic love.
Not realistic.
Not from this world.
Not in your world
But in my world, yes!
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14 May 2013, 3:57 am
cakey wrote:
When we say using someone for sex it means using someone only for personal fulfillment, without regard to anything else. So if I was in FWB situation, I would use him for sex and he would use me for sex.
It’s not without regard to anything else if both take care to please each other sexually. We’re talking about friends, after all. Do you consider normal friends use each other only for personal fulfillment, without regard to anything else? If not, why must it be the case just because they have sex? Taking your words literally, it’d seem the friendship is corrupted as soon as one of them does something beneficial to the other, because then the former is being used. This could include the mere satisfaction of having a friend, or the health benefits of not being alone, or the diminished chance to be bullied, or mugged, or whatever. So, just in case, better not to have friends at all, lest you benefit from them in any way
The_Face_of_Boo
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14 May 2013, 3:58 am
14 May 2013, 4:00 am
14 May 2013, 4:02 am
Spiderpig wrote:
cakey wrote:
When we say using someone for sex it means using someone only for personal fulfillment, without regard to anything else. So if I was in FWB situation, I would use him for sex and he would use me for sex.
It’s not without regard to anything else if both take care to please each other sexually. We’re talking about friends, after all. Do you consider normal friends use each other only for personal fulfillment, without regard to anything else? If not, why must it be the case just because they have sex? Taking your words literally, it’d seem the friendship is corrupted as soon as one of them does something beneficial to the other, because then the former is being used. This could include the mere satisfaction of having a friend, or the health benefits of not being alone, or the diminished chance to be bullied, or mugged, or whatever. So, just in case, better not to have friends at all, lest you benefit from them in any way
If you read my posts, you can see what I said in regards to friends. I don;t believe you use friends either lol. What is this? You only want friends if you benefit? In addition, I also pointed out that my main reason for disagreeing with FWB is because I get attached and can fall in love if I cared for the guy. Allmy words must be taken into consideration, not just the few of them that you refer to. You can use friends all you want,but I don;t do that. It's just our difference in philosophy. I could understand if you don't feel a romantic connection with sex, but can you understand me(and others) when we do feel a romantic connection with sex?
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14 May 2013, 4:03 am
Greb wrote:
cakey wrote:
Greb, if I understood and cared for another man, they would make my heart flutter and make me fall in love and WANT a relationship. This is why I don't do it. Maybe your heart doesn't shake when you get physical but mine does. So don't you think it's all based on personal experience then? If your heart doesn't flutter or fall in love with a girl you care for and have sex with(who you coinsider a friend), then by all means, I can understand why you are normal with such a relationship. But you aren't in my shoes or the other guy's shoes who do feel a strong connection when making love.
But this is a personal feeling, cakey. You can be unable of having sex with somebody without developping feelings, but that doesn't describe FWB. It's like a thread, a couple of weeks ago, where a girl said that she was unable to date somebody who didn't belong to her culture. Well, that's OK, but that would say nothing about intercultural relationships. It only states a personal choice.
greb, I already stated it was a personal feeling lol!! You just wrote what i wrote. That we are all different and this is me and that is you! I understood you don't feel that, so you can understand that I do.
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14 May 2013, 4:19 am
14 May 2013, 4:34 am
Greb wrote:
cakey wrote:
Greb wrote:
cakey wrote:
Greb, if I understood and cared for another man, they would make my heart flutter and make me fall in love and WANT a relationship. This is why I don't do it. Maybe your heart doesn't shake when you get physical but mine does. So don't you think it's all based on personal experience then? If your heart doesn't flutter or fall in love with a girl you care for and have sex with(who you coinsider a friend), then by all means, I can understand why you are normal with such a relationship. But you aren't in my shoes or the other guy's shoes who do feel a strong connection when making love.
But this is a personal feeling, cakey. You can be unable of having sex with somebody without developping feelings, but that doesn't describe FWB. It's like a thread, a couple of weeks ago, where a girl said that she was unable to date somebody who didn't belong to her culture. Well, that's OK, but that would say nothing about intercultural relationships. It only states a personal choice.
greb, I already stated it was a personal feeling lol!! You just wrote what i wrote. That we are all different and this is me and that is you! I understood you don't feel that, so you can understand that I do.
Let me quote you:
cakey wrote:
But it is really true that a typical FWB relationship, there is ONE person who does feel romantically for the other person, or feelings do develop. Foir myself, I wouldn't want to be used simply for sex and if I do have sex it's with someone I love, not just for pleasure.
When we say using someone for sex it means using someone only for personal fulfillment, without regard to anything else. So if I was in FWB situation, I would use him for sex and he would use me for sex.
When we say using someone for sex it means using someone only for personal fulfillment, without regard to anything else. So if I was in FWB situation, I would use him for sex and he would use me for sex.
So it's OK that you states that you couldn't have sex without developping romantic feelings. But what you're stating here is that other person, having sex with you, and not wanting a romantic relationship with you, would be using you.
I'm not talking about how FWB feels for you, but how you imply what FWB would feel and mean for another person who had sex with you without romantic feelings.
He IS using me if it's just for pleasure. But that's MY opinion. I think I should clarify this a bit:
1.) This topic is based upon opinions
2.) I stated my opinion based upon my own experience and upon the ones I've witnessed in my life
3.)I find it funny that you choose to try to change my opinion when I've never challenged yours-I actually understand where you are coming from
4.)Since this is based upon opinion, don't you believe it is quite pointless to argue since you aren't in my shoes? At least I can undertsand you in that you don't develop romantic feelings. Good for you.
So, finally, I conclude that FWB isn'tmy PERSONAL STYLE. Based upon the fact that I can develop romantic feelings. I wrote what I felt about and that's the point of the thread.
In addition this thread asks about opinions based on personal morals. My personal morals are different from yours. I think it should rest at that. There is no right answer. These are all opinions.
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14 May 2013, 4:49 am
cakey wrote:
1.) This topic is based upon opinions
What would mean that your statemente 'This topic is based upon opinions' is just an opinion
cakey wrote:
4.)Since this is based upon opinion, don't you believe it is quite pointless to argue since you aren't in my shoes? At least I can undertsand you in that you don't develop romantic feelings. Good for you.
Well, that's interesting. You're not only defending your right to feel you own way with regard to FWB (something that you have perfectly right to), but you're giving as your opinion how a generic person who had sex with you without romantic feelings would feel. Not how you would feel about, but how he would feel. And so you state 'he would using me'.
You say that I'm not in your shoes, but you're stating as your opinion what a third person, in his shoes you're not, would feel.
You're asking to be judged according to your morals, that is right, but at the same time you're judging a person that would have sex with you without romantic feelings, not according to his morals, but according to yours, and decide that he would be using you.
That, honestly, is quite unfair.
Last edited by Greb on 14 May 2013, 4:53 am, edited 1 time in total.
14 May 2013, 4:52 am
Greb wrote:
cakey wrote:
1.) This topic is based upon opinions
What would mean that your statemente 'This topic is based upon opinions' is just an opinion
cakey wrote:
4.)Since this is based upon opinion, don't you believe it is quite pointless to argue since you aren't in my shoes? At least I can undertsand you in that you don't develop romantic feelings. Good for you.
Well, that's interesting. You're not only defending your right to feel you own way with regard to FWB (something that you have perfectly right to), but you're giving as your opinion how a generic person who had sex with you without romantic feelings would feel.
You say that I'm not in your shoes, but you're stating as your opinion what a third person, in his shoes you're not, would feel.
You're asking to be judged according to your morals, that is right, but at the same time you're judging a person that would have sex with you without romantic feelings, not according to his morals, but according to yours, and decide that he would be using you.
That, honestly, is quite unfair.
Yours are all opinions of my morals. Anyways, let's be mature and agree to disagree since we differ in opinions. BTw this topic is labeled upon opinions, that's not my opinion but a fact. Okay Greb, now you are arguing about what is an opinion. Go on ahead.
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14 May 2013, 5:00 am
cakey wrote:
Yours are all opinions of my morals. Anyways, let's be mature and agree to disagree since we differ in opinions.I'm sorry, but I didn't give any opinion about your morals. I didn't say in any moment that it was right, or wrong, or realistic, or idealistic, or any other similar judgement.
What I'm saying, and that's very different, it that you're asking the right to feel according to you morals, and at the same time denying this right to a person who had sex with you. You're deciding not only how you feel about FWB, but how a person who had sex with you would feel.
You're deciding that he would be using you, regardless of what he could say about the subject. You already have judged not only what you feel, but what he would feel too.
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