How can I initiate a date?

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starvingartist
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01 Jul 2014, 4:32 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

starvingartist wrote:

any time you find yourself beginning a sentence with "You should feel..." you should probably just leave off the sentence entirely. telling other people how they should feel about things that happen to them=poor manners.

edit* to include: i really don't care to be attractive to men with poor manners. i don't need (or want) that kind of external validation from rude strangers, thanks.

I should have said "people typically feel" instead of "you should" to point out that your attitudes are not typical, probably because you're not neurotypical. Which brings me back to my point that your anti-social anti-people anti-men anti-compliment attitudes likely have a whole lot to do with your autism traits.

Compliments aren't rude.

i am not anti-men because i don't care for rude strange men evaluating my body. i love and value the opinions of men who are capable of respecting me, don't care so much for the ones who don't. if this makes me atypical, then i am happy to be so.

Eureka13
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01 Jul 2014, 4:32 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

Eureka13 wrote:

Do you seriously not get the difference between "when I go to a bar, it is because I am in the mood to socialize [i.e., a social setting] or possibly even to pick up guys, and therefore getting hit on by strange men in bars is to be expected" vs. "bars are the only places you can compliment a woman" ??

I'm not being snarky here, I'm asking in all seriousness because it seems I (and others) are typing in one language and you are reading in another.

So far that is the only place you strange women have stated that it's acceptable for a guy to compliment a woman.

I have specifically stated that any social occasion is appropriate for delivering compliments. Aren't social occasions, after all, the kinds of things you go to when you want to socialize?

Have you considered that there are people, who (apprently unlike yourself) are not always in a socializing frame of mind? I am aware that there are people like you who are outgoing and eager to engage others. The former are like cats - intrude on them at your own risk. The latter are like dogs - probably no one will actually kick them, but that doesn't mean the person receiving the dog's attention enjoyed being slobbered on.

goldfish21
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01 Jul 2014, 4:57 pm

What you don't seem to comprehend is that social interactions, including compliments, take place in all public places, not just at officially sanctioned social events that you've decided to attend.

Lock yourself in your house and have your groceries delivered if you dread interacting with other human beings so much.

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tarantella64
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01 Jul 2014, 5:14 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

starvingartist wrote:

goldfish21 wrote:

Eureka13 wrote:

Who ever said that I don't thank people for unwanted compliments and/or pull a weapon on them? That's a pretty extreme assumption. Just because other people lack manners doesn't mean that I do, too. Doesn't make the encroachment any more desirable just because *my* manners are still intact.....

Who said anything about pulling a weapon on someone who paid you a compliment? Only you.

Um, people who pay others compliments don't lack manners. In fact, they likely have better manners than most considering they're considerate enough to say nice things to others even though they're not obligated to do so.

when a guy tells me "you're in nice shape, do you work out?" in the hopes that will get him into my pants, he's not being polite, ffs. and yeah, we can tell when it's just a random compliment from a stranger (because yeah, i get those too, even from other women sometimes about my hair or something i'm wearing) and some dude hoping to score. we are observant enough, most of us, to know the difference in intent. because the random compliment person pays their nice compliment and then goes on their way--the dude wanting to score, if you respond politely or otherwise encourage him, will press for further conversation and a date/phone number. the former is very nice when it happens to me--the latter is not, especially as i'm not in a bar trying to pick up dudes when this happens to me, i'm out getting my groceries or otherwise going about my day.

Even if they're sexually attracted to you, it is a compliment. You should feel flattered and attractive.

As for the repeated suggestion that the only appropriate place to compliment a woman on her looks is at a bar... that's a load of crap. If I were heterosexual, a bar is one of the last places I'd be trying to pick up women. I bartended for 5 years. I don't particularly care for the class of people that spend all their free time drinking in bars and wasting their lives like that. I'd compliment people who made healthier better more forward progressing choices in places like the gym where they're working out or in a grocery store where they're making healthy food choices. This whole "the bar is the only place you're allowed to give/receive compliments" is absolutely ridiculous.

Okay. Because this is getting silly:

Men, please do not take goldfish's advice on this, because he's seriously resistant to hearing about reality. If you try to hit on women who are shopping and working out, your odds of being removed from the premises are quite high. Owners of gyms and grocery stores and their employees are not there to play wingman to you. They're there to make sure their customers are happy and return. As soon as a woman complains about you, or even sees you hanging about looking like you're shopping for ladies, you're pretty much done. Odds are you'll be asked not to return to the store or gym.

Eureka13
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01 Jul 2014, 5:16 pm

:roll:

goldfish21
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01 Jul 2014, 5:20 pm

:roll: is right.

I never advocated going to a grocery store or gym to ogle or harass others. I said it's perfectly acceptable to compliment others in public.

Someone can complain all they want to about receiving a compliment or being asked out on date. Neither constitutes harassment nor sexual harassment.

Ignore what these autistic women who don't like interacting with other human beings have to say about this & take the chance to say something nice to someone else. It'll brighten your day and theirs, and may just make you a new friend or get you a date. Just be free & be happy - no need to avoid complimenting others just because some people don't know how to accept a compliment.

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tarantella64
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01 Jul 2014, 5:20 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

starvingartist wrote:

And...Eureka works with 15 autistics? From the page you just read:

Quote:

I just did a survey of the 15 people in my immediate work environment - 10 men, 5 women, ages ranging from early 30s to mid-60s. 100% of the women said they would be creeped out if a strange man came up to them in public (unless it was at a bar) and commented on their appearance. 100% of the men said they would NEVER walk up to an unknown woman and comment on her appearance. All looked aghast at the idea.

A fork, please.

kraftiekortie
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01 Jul 2014, 5:24 pm

I can't help it.....This brings to mind the Richie Cunningham scenario. I wish you folks would have seen that episode of "Happy Days."

High school student Richie Cunningham is having trouble meeting girls. He goes to some guy for advice about how to meet them. The guy advises him to go to a supermarket and deliberately bump a woman's shopping cart with his own shopping cart. According to the guy, this will induce the woman to pay attention to Richie, so Richie could "make his move."

Richie does so, with predictable results---the women looking at him with rolling eyes, like he's a pervert or something.

Richie gets the hint pretty quickly.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 01 Jul 2014, 5:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

goldfish21
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01 Jul 2014, 5:24 pm

tarantella64 wrote:

And...Eureka works with 15 autistics? From the page you just read:

Birds of a feather..

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starvingartist
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01 Jul 2014, 5:37 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

tarantella64 wrote:

And...Eureka works with 15 autistics? From the page you just read:

Birds of a feather..

if you have so much disdain for autistic people and their opinions, then why are you here?

goldfish21
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01 Jul 2014, 5:42 pm

starvingartist wrote:

goldfish21 wrote:

tarantella64 wrote:

And...Eureka works with 15 autistics? From the page you just read:

Birds of a feather..

if you have so much disdain for autistic people and their opinions, then why are you here?

I don't have any such thing.

I'm merely pointing out that the NT world is social, you people are autistic & don't fully understand nor appreciate the social world.

I'd stick around and debate this with you, but I have more important things to go do like smoke weed. It is Cannabis Day, after all, and there's a large social gathering downtown at the Vansterdam Art Gallery. Maybe I'll get lucky and some cute gay boy will compliment me while I'm there.

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starvingartist
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01 Jul 2014, 5:44 pm

seemed apt to post this here:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1pYKdqD1ls[/youtube]

starvingartist
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01 Jul 2014, 7:18 pm

this video may be helpful, to those guys considering "complimenting" strange women in public:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P4eVjwVd_U[/youtube]

Nights_Like_These
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01 Jul 2014, 9:02 pm

This one is also kind of useful, in an entertaining way lol:

[img][590:800]http://freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula/files/2013/11/burgerhands.png[/img]

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tarantella64
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01 Jul 2014, 11:53 pm

oh god, that's a little to real.

sly279
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02 Jul 2014, 2:37 am

does this only apply to men to women. not women to women. I see women say : thats a nice dress., where did you get that great coat. etc. the other one replies and they talk for a bit. I see that as complimenting.

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