Do the majority of guys with A.S. never get a girlfriend?

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It is not impossible in my opinion. Back in high school I had a relationship with someone for about 4-5 months, and she was the one that sought me out. It ended because I was starting college and she was starting senior year of HS and we were more than an hour away from each other, but we are still friends to this day and that is all I care about in the end.

I haven't had a relationship since, but there are women that will accept you and love you for who you are. You may have to search around for a while for the right one, but they are out there. I really believe that good things come to those that wait, though you should take action whenever possible. It may not happen right away, but if you want something badly enough, in one way or another you will get what you want.

I feel like a majority of my problems are caused by me approaching women. If I could just not have feelings and not approach them and talk to them and then not get rejected....that'd be super. I approach women all the time, and they are all equally ambivalent to my existence as anything other than just a friend. I die a little inside everytime I hear the phrase "just a friend"

Whether you are objectively handsome or not, always go through life with your head held up high, pretending that you are. Even if people have told you you look like s**t in the past, ignore all they said. Force yourself to look at your own face in the mirror, and tell yourself you are a handsome Motherf***er and any girl (or guy, I don't discriminate) would be lucky to have you. This is the only way to do stuff.

As far as AS and dating in general goes? I have never heard AS causes one to be less authentic, less charming or less funny. And those are attractive traits in any person. I am not the handsomest man in the world though I would love to be, but I am not bad looking either. I am tall-ish and well built, and I can make a joke easily to make someone laugh and break the ice so to speak. As a result I never had trouble making people like me... the problem was always with deeper bonds, with real friendship or lasting relationships. I've had flings, I got around, but nothing ever came of it until about a year ago when I met my now-fiancée.

We have to not forget that not all people on the spectrum are identical. Because one guy stays single for too long doesn't mean others will. There are probably thousands of people who are somewhere on the spectrum but who camouflage so well, adapt so well to their surroundings, that you'd never in a million years guess they are "one of us". Hell, maybe they weren't even diagnosed? Lots of women, I hear, are only diagnosed later in life. And plenty of men too. It happens fairly regularly that a child is diagnosed with AS and the parents are asked if they have some of the traits associated with it as well. And it turns out the father or mother (or even both!) actually has it.

Having Asperger's isn't a death sentence to your love life, that's the biggest BS I've ever heard. It can be a complicating factor, certainly, but so can being morbidly obese or having burn wounds, or being cripple or blind or deaf or what-have-you. And still the most unusual of couples exist, of outgoing men and silent women, of tall women and short men, of fat women with skinny men, of older women and younger men or vice versa... there are so many couples that seem 'mismatched' outwardly, so many people that you would never guess could get a date in a million years, and yet they all get around one way or another. Nobody is incapable of being loved, or loving someone else.

...while I [sort of] appreciate this response Alexander, it almost seems like you and Bill could possibly even be two sides of the same coin? ...and if I am not particularly helpful in this thread, neither of you seem to be either- since one of you is insisting that ASD men have all this trouble dating yet then has stated repeatedly that he specifically has no trouble dating and then the other constantly boasts about his very beautiful girlfriend who gets lots of attention, yet offering no substantial assistance or legitimate encouragement [only really "what's your problem"], while other individuals are discussing difficulties they are experiencing.

Since I have been labeled as feminist [which I don't actually identify as] apparently I don't belong in the conversation. I don't actually think that, but this was becoming mildly annoying at some point. I don't need to be treated like a child who can't hold her own either. Not "first time at rodeo". Thanks though.

Note to sly, even though my opinion has been declared irrelevant: I got along with my BF WAAAY before I knew what he looked like and had already developed a great friendship [see: established compatibility] before we physically met. I don't think he is traditionally "handsome" but I am deeply attracted to him. Point two: I have never ever gone to a bar, party or anything like that to meet anyone of the opposite sex and it's usually sucked on the rare occasion that a guy has tried to use that opportunity to express that kind of interest. I'm there to find a corner with a couple people and be silly, not be intruded upon.

Also what Boo says about not hitting on every person out there, but investing energy only in those that might be compatible is worthy of thinking about. [If I got that right, that is]

Honestly, I think you're constantly being a big drama queen in this thread "Boohoo, I feel so unwelcome" , "Boohoo probably because I am asd woman"; he simply disagrees with you and he simply believes that asd men struggle in dating (and he's showing sources to back his claims, and even your sources show that asd struggle socially). And I can't see where it shows how he treats women in all his posts here, or why even him saying "most ASD men struggle in dating,accept it." is considered rude for you and indicative of how he treats women; your assumptions are so baseless and make little sense.

Seriously, grow a spine shall you.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 13 Sep 2014, 9:14 am, edited 2 times in total.

Being mildly overconfident does tend to produce better results than having a realistic assessment of the situation - studies support that. Unfortunately, I don't see how it's possible to become overconfident on purpose. I mean, if you know you're overconfident then aren't you, by definition, aware of the real state of things? Sure, you can stand in front of the mirror and say the words, but I don't know how it's possible to actually believe them. If you can do that... well, I envy you.

Many here likely do not know how to approach women. I quite frankly would have a hard time knowing what to say without seeming like a creep, so I rarely do so.

maybe? I mean it's possible.
I am a little unclear on who "he" is as this point though, since you failed to clarify.

I'm not arguing with sly- I don't contest that he has had difficulties. My comment to him was separate, and I was merely expressing my experience as a female, not challenging his personal experiences. There are actually chics who don't go to bars to get hit on- saying that wasn't trying to establish that he's doing something wrong.

My comments above that were to other people- one who kind of has been a bit of a jerk to me. But... that's ok, I guess. I mean.. you did read back and I'm assuming he didn't edit any of the posts at this point.


I don't actually disagree. You misread me, as does he. I simply think that reinforcing the idea that if one has ASD, then one is doomed to failure is... sinking ones own ship.



So are yours though, are you looking for something to argue with in what I write?
I don't actually disagree with the basis of "ASD individuals have difficulty socially". I have actually said as such- as you have said things I have posted have indicated as such. I also explicitly posted that I agree with what you wrote. That's... somehow inappropriate a as well, apparently. You have difficulty sorting through what I'm saying and I'm not sure how that indicates I'm all out of spine or a drama queen.


Maybe I misread what someone posted [Oh wow, really? That couldn't possibly happen- an autistic misreading something?]



See above.

So... wait... was this your version of a pleasant and welcoming greeting [as opposed to something trying to get me to go away- so hard to tell the difference]?

By he I meant bill.

It's a forum, and forums are basically made for discussions - I don't have to greet you in every thread , if you want greetings you can check the "introduce yourself" section.

Ah. In regards to references- if you notes there, I also explained why his references kind of sucked but also said I was open to looking at others that didn't suck. I actually backed this up, when YOU posted a more reliable reference when I legitimately asked you for clarification on it because I couldn't make the numbers work in my head- it was at that point that bill did the equivalent of "shut up and accept it" and you really failed to provide an adequate explanation. It's not unreasonable to ask to understand the information presented to you if someone is presenting it to support their point- which I wasn't actually really totally arguing against in the first place. I just wanted to understand the chart.

Nah that would get exhausting. Much like a cocktail party I imagine.

Well, "asd struggle, accept it" doesn't equate to "shut up and accept it", the former is an assertive attempt of convincing you (mostly close minded statement but not rude), the latter is just a rude attack; see? you dramatize things!



What's there you don't understand?



It says that 0.9% of Married men are ASD,while 0.5% among all Married adults are ASD (meaning men and women), and 4.5% of Single men are ASD while 2.5% of all Single adults are ASD.

Stats were not presented separately for women due to the small number of ASD women in the sample.

Now excuse me, I have a birthday of a friend to attend, can't make her wait too long.

nope, I answered wrongly first because I missed the N. "Do they ever..." or "Do they never..."
So I edited.

Superb!

^^Thank you!
It's nice to hear that we're not just paranoid. =)

That can be said for virtually any problem that affects both sexes.