Why is "Ghosting" Socially Acceptable?

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Ease up already. I think what he's trying to say is he is well aware of his problem. I can relate to that because someone did that to me. I learned to get past it without anyone calling the cops on me?but it's not easy to deal with when you're the one experiencing it. I'm glad you've NEVER had this problem. For some of us, it's not so easy to turn our brains off.

If you're going to give someone advice on this, what that person might need is a counselor, not a preacher.

Just make sure he doesnt try to stick his tongue down your throat unless your into that sorta thing.

"told to go away in no uncertain terms" BWAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA, you're funny.

When she originally blocked me on Facebook. She. Was. Definitely. Ghosting. Last thing she said to me wasn't even about my behavior.

I think I lost a grand total of one friend over this anyway. She definitely didn't tell everyone. How would you know anything about that anyway?

And I'm not going to argue about what I think of her feelings, nor even try to listen to you lecture me on the subject.

Ease up already. I think what he's trying to say is he is well aware of his problem. I can relate to that because someone did that to me. I learned to get past it without anyone calling the cops on me?but it's not easy to deal with when you're the one experiencing it. I'm glad you've NEVER had this problem. For some of us, it's not so easy to turn our brains off.

If you're going to give someone advice on this, what that person might need is a counselor, not a preacher.[/quot

Encouraging folks to carry on in a seriously self-destructive manner?

Turning one's brain off is impossible. Not picking up the phone to contact someone you have been harassing, however, is well within the realm of possibility.

Forcing communication? That's a euphemism for "stalking and harrassment"?!

"Live and let live, it's not my fault" -- HELL NO!

It. Is. Your. Fault. You. Harassed. Some. Girl. Into. Filing. Multiple. Complaints. Against. You.

You're entitled to be as upset about HER behavior as you please. You just have to stop trying to contact her about it. Or anything else.

Had you actually taken her not-ghosting-you in a non-stalkerlike manner, maybe just maybe she might have been willing to remain on cordial terms.

Your actions? Have done nothing but reinforce that you're scary and should be avoided all the time.

Your over-entitlement? That you are entitled to contact (when you're terrifying), entitled to behave however you please cuz it's her fault? OMFG no. No. No.

Stop harassing her. Stop contacting her, forever.

Because you've already, at this point, alienated not only her but everyone she knows.

You're the guy people WARN friends to avoid.

Jjancee: I never said "its not my fault." And what makes you think I will continue past this point to contact her? I. Am. Trying. To. Learn. Ignoring half of what I am saying, making strawman arguments against me, and misquoting me is helping no one. I came, I derailed, I think I should be done here.

Not trying very hard, clearly.

More than one warning via the Dean's office?

Jjancee, TornadoEvil has acknowledged that he was wrong, and you've made your point.

Both of you stop derailing the thread.

I was recently ghosted and I think it's cowardly and disrespectful. But better to have the person do it sooner rather than after you've invested a lot of time with them.

This comment really bothers me. When you start believing you know other's feelings you've crossed into delusional territory. I'm glad to hear you are striving to leave her be. It can be painful to not be with someone you care for, but you have to respect what they tell you (not what you think they mean or aren't saying.) If you don't respect someone's words, you don't respect them as a person.

why do i get the feeling that Jjancee's postings are actually just Jjancee defending him/herself? It all seems so very personal to Jjancee. Do you have a guilty conscience that you're avoiding Jjancee?

Also, you might want to get some help on those anger issues you have. You come across like you're raging.

btw, for future reference when you're using overused feminist nonsense. "Beware jargon. It usually hides ignorance and carries little knowledge." You don't do your point any favors by regurgitating words that are so overused that people are beginning to tune them out. I literally feel sick everytime someone talks about entitlement. Not for the point they're making but for how obvious it is that they're not even coming out with original opinions.

Jjancee, you know that a lot of negative emotions are just mirrors of what the other person is giving out right? For every time someone is jealous in a relationship there's usually someone failing to meet the emotional needs of the jealous person. For every time someone has problem letting go, its usually down to a failure of the other person to end the relationship in terms the other understands. Feminists seem to deny the truth through get out clauses like the victim blaming nonsense, but it doesnt alter the fact that none of us live in a vacuum and our behaviour affects others.

And im sure you have the right for SOME of the points in this thread, it just doesn't change the fact that on the whole you have an inhuman disregard for the welfare of people around you. Your opinions seem very selfish and very one sided. I truly hope that the thing you think is ok to do to people gets done to you before too very long. A dose of humility is severely needed in your case.

Don't be so hard on Jjancee, its not like hes a parallel universe male clone of the girl I harassed. Not unlike the evil Pennsylvanian twin of that same girl on here. Not my best moment. I'm actually pretty sure Jjancee isn't the same person.

androbot1: I need to learn to not assume I know what other's people's feelings are then. I have to respect what she has told me, which is actually a dangerous territory to be in for me. Most of what she has said has been about my behavior and how it needs to change. Which makes it actually feel like she is holding something out on me. If that is the correct expression.

I think what I mean to say is that when someone is really avoidant, and they have an issue with rate of contact. Just cutting off all contact with someone doesn't quite send a clear message. Does it mean that they are just upset for now? Or does it mean they don't want anything further to do with you? Especially if they have used similar tactics to try and teach a lesson in the past.

edit: Sorry if this is too much continued derailment.

It's a cliché, but ... "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, they're yours forever. If they don't, then it was never meant to be."

Also, it sounds like she might be a bit of a game player and this is hard to deal with. I find the best strategy is to take them at what they say - don't get sucked into the game. Ignore the manipulation like you are oblivious to it. Eventually the person will see that their game won't get them anywhere.

Along those lines, what I suggest is trying to get all emotion out of the way in terms of how you deal with it, too. I've said this several times--when it happened to me, there was one day I woke up, looked in a mirror, and didn't even recognize myself. It's hard to explain, but that's how it felt. And I remember thinking, "I'm a freakin' idiot."

I'm not saying that emotions can't have any part of a relationship. I'm not saying it's wrong to "feel something" for a person. That's natural and certainly a part of it. What I AM saying, though, is that we can't let ourselves by ruled by knee-jerk emotional responses. I know how easy it is to let that happen. And I think we have to be on guard when it comes to our "feelings."

I mean, I think every aspect of dating benefits from getting emotions out of the way. It's hard to approach a large number of women when you easily get attached to the first woman you meet. And by now I think it's pretty obvious what the dangers are when we have too much difficulty letting someone go when a relationship has run its course. Doesn't mean you have to be a heartless bastard. Just means you learn the brutal art of self-control.

Nope, I don't have a guilty conscience in the slightest. Just a simple preference to stay far far far away from scary men who really, truly seem to think they're entitled not only to answers from the girls sensible enough to flee, but to answers they actually want to hear from said fleeing girls. Or that said fleeing girl, whose filed multiple complaints against you, "doesn't understand her feelings" and doesn't truly mean to imply you're a scary-ass stalker.

Basically, if someone likes you, they'll return your calls/emails/etc. If they don't, they'll avoid you. And tell their friends you're a creep.

Seriously. Guy who had multiple hearings in the Dean's Office? That's the kind of thing folks don't forget. To paraphrase some famous, dead Russian writer, happy people are kinda sorts happy in similarly boring ways. The crazily unhappy? In unique, snowflake-esque ways that folks never, ever forget.

(Side note: That's actually how I met my best friend. Walked into a lab on the first day of class junior year, where several kids I didn't know were chatting. Caught the last two sentences of one girl recollecting what some nutty girl in her dorm had done, not nutty's name, not the name of the dorm on a campus of 60k students. I immediately said "OMG, that HAS to be Dina SoandSo". And. It. Was. We've been friends ever since

A couple of years later, I was working overseas and Dina & BFF ended up in law school together. Another law school acquaintance --who didn't know BFF or Dina, or even know that I knew either -- wrote me, not mentioning any names -- and mentioned a classmate's epic midterm exam tantrum, in passing. I immediately wrote back saying "OMG, that must be Dina". He wrote me back saying "how could you possibly know that?".

Crazy-unhappy behavior? May as well be a fingerprint.

I'm 34, BFF & Dina are 35 -- so all of these events took place what may as well have been a million years ago & in a city of 3 million!!-- and Dina has yet to live it down. Well, written apologies & the epic strop she threw 5ish years ago when I dropped by the trade library -- I'd no idea she was temping at -- to pick up some background materials didn't help matters, but, um, I don't think Dina will ever live it down. And none of her actions resulted in anything approaching a disciplinary hearing.

So those of you feel entitled to answers, who feel ghosting is so very wrong, that feel the ghosters deserve whatever they get, may wish to ask themselves if 15+ yrs later, you'd enjoy your ex-undergrad & law school acquaintances reenacting your epic tantrum on the central library steps and/or being forced to say something like "she's super-duper smart, would be very good at that job but, um, [threw a strop, refused to hand me the info I was there to pick up OR to hand it to a colleague to give to me]).

This happens not only in dating. Job interviews are another remarkable example. "We'll call/write you later", and never really calling or writing after this. I find such behavior absolutely disrespectful and dishonest.

Some girls just have that feeling. You have done nothing wrong, you said nothing wrong and did everything right.

Yes it seems like they are telling a lie. In this case ignorance is bliss.

It could be superficial, and girls do not want to sound superfical like, you are to fat, you do not make allot of money or you are awful in bed. If they do not want to tell you, then that is that. Go to a party and find some one that you can talk to and do things with.

Asking the question of "What happend?" will send you into a loop. IE insanity.

How to conunteract all of this anxiety from getting ghosted. Be social, with every one. Talk to women with out the conquest of dating. Flirt, be funny and RELAX! Do this and a girl will come to you.

You should definitely stew and be upset about it. Maybe even tell the company that their behavior is awful and dishonest!

If that's the over-entitled attitude you take when dating, well, I get why girls ghost!