Why is Asperger's unattractive?

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Exactly, though with that said I've turned down a few guys over the past decade.

I'll probably wind up being uncle to my friend(s) kids and play big brother/parent to everyone.
I already do the above to the adults and my friend in my life, cause they are really bad at running their lives.

I am this, too. I have a couple of nephews, their step siblings, a few God kids & their siblings (cousin's kids, friends kids) & they call me Uncle Richard. I'd rather hang out with my little guys and have fun playing with them or watching a movie or taking them out to a park or teaching them something etc vs. spend my time dating someone for the sake of dating someone. Values/priorities etc.

I also have adult friends that I'll do my best to look out for & look after, too. My closest friend knows that my future financial success is also his success, as once I can swing it, I will employ him if he doesn't have something better, more lucrative, or that he's passionate about going on in his work life. All in due time.

My friend is a bit different.
He doesn't realize he needs to balance his life with his career, while needing to a lot of personal growth before he can have a truly serious relationship and kids.

He also gradually realizing, that him and I have this very rare and special connection that true best friends have.
We truly connect on a lot of levels, while also having huge influence and impact on each others lives.
He's much better than when I first met him 5 years ago, he's grown a lot from knowing me for the best.
Our lives are interwind to the point that we essentially need each other to get through (neither of us would be here if it wasn't for the other), we also balance each other out in life (Which is for the best).

Which reminds me, he still owes me a graduation gift from when I graduated from undergrad in December 2012.
The only reason why I've ever pushed the gift was due to him being a very big ass when I gave him something when he graduated in April of 2012 as sign of my gratitude for his help in getting me through my hardship...

I'm still debating on how far to push the issue (the only reason why it hasn't been resolved was due to him going through a real rough period the prior two years and I didn't push it), especially with me turning 30 in a few months...

I can relate somewhat. I have a couple of very close friends like that. I know I've been a positive influence on them and their lives, but feel they've been far better for me and my life. I try to keep a balance, though, vs. leaning on and depending on them and not reciprocating. I'd do anything for these guys, and whenever I get the opportunity to - I do.

As for the gift thing.. I don't like the concept of one "owing" me a gift. My friends have given me gifts here and there, but overall I tend to give more gifts than I receive - in terms of wrapped up physical presents, anyways. I don't have any expectations of my friend giving me gifts and tell him so. I give what I do because I want to, and I tell him not to worry about reciprocating or the co$t and so forth because his presence in my life and everything he is to me is all the present I need. And I mean it. Giving w/o expectation of receiving in return is so much better, IMO. YMMV.

Actually my friend and I have benefitted equally from our friendship, in the long run he will probably benefit more.
He grew up well off and sheltered and didn't learn how to really deal with life, though he is really good at his marketing job.

On the other hand I grew up working class and even dirt poor (for most of my life), so I learned lots of life skills.

The problem with the gift is/was, he was an ass about it to the point of down right offending me which he carried on for a good few months...

So we came to an agreement early last year...

If he would have just been nice about it, there would have been no issue...

I rarely accept gifts from outside of my family (if you knew my relationship with my family, you'd understand why I still get gifts from them).

I'll probably just make him get me something small and meaningful while showing me a good 30th.

Maybe because some of us aren't super interested in being fashionable? I've gone from being anti fashion and unkempt as a teen to being extremely concerned with appearance myself. I am physically awkward but many people like me just fine and say I'm quirky but they like it about me. It has taken me a few decades to get to the point where I'm comfortable with myself quirks and all. And I'm not always able to feel like this since there are lots of jackasses out there that make themselves feel important by belittling those who are different.
I do think that conformity with hygiene and style is important to most nt folks, as well as to many people with aspergers, and not conforming well is liable to lead some people to think people with aspergers are unattractive.

I know I've said it in other threads, but I can't recall if I've said it in this one so I'll just go ahead and say it again:

Not all aspies are equally attractive or unattractive. I've met some who I'm very much attracted to and find their ASD quirks to be absolutely adorable, and others who's ASD traits are so ridiculously annoying that I wouldn't want to spend much time around them - especially as a significant other.

So, it isn't necessarily Asperger's that's unattractive to some people, but more specific traits of it that they (or perhaps people in general) simply find repulsive.

Genau!

In particular, it is the lack of social ability. And by social ability I'm talking about being charming, persuasive, "strong"(IOW confident and in control of ones emotions), and knowing how to sell oneself/talk a good line. But it's also the lack of common sense, rigidness, and quirky behaviors like stimming and other personal habits of the home that compound with the dearth of social skills that repulse most women.

Actually, I consider myself quite "strong". I'm in total control of my emotions almost all the time. I mean, I supress them up to a level that people usually can't figure out what I feel, or if I feel anything at all (even I can't figure this out, so it's okay). Emotions are too complicated for me, so I usually don't act upon them. I see people at the university complaining about various things, and I always think that they're weak, because they let their emotions rule over them. To rephrase master Yoda: do or do not. There is no complaint. I also think that a professional setting, for example a university class, or a consult with a professor has nothing to do with emotions - so it's better to bury them deep in my soul and deal with them later.

This supressoin of emotions has a downside when I like a girl. My problem with emotions in this case is usually that I get attached very soon, and I communicate my intentions very straightforwardly, which women find repulsive. So I've learned to hide my emotions and act as if I didn't like the girl at all. I don't think I need to explain why this is bad. But I really see no middle way. Either I tell them about my intentions openly, or I don't say anything at all.

It's a load of BS. Just so you know. You have no idea of the troubles women with aspergers face in relationships. The fact that you say this while you hardly know any women with aspergers yourself, says enough.

i do not know what this question asks.
1: are you asking what makes my asperger syndrome unattractive to me?
2: are you asking what makes my asperger syndrome unattractive to others?

answer to 2:
i do not think i am unattractive to others. i may seem aloof and cold of heart, but that is not repulsive. it is just that many people i see on my travels would not dare to approach me in conversation because they do not trust their ability to engage my interest enough to prevent them from feeling embarrassed about approaching me.

answer to 1:
too long to bother writing, but i will say a few snippets.
on the whole, i do not care about my autism. i do not feel that i am suffering because of it. sometimes i am glad that i am not swept up in the maelstrom of social concerns that swamp many people and make them feel bad.

i do like the clean skies of my own solitary thinking patterns, and i am always glad to get home to my house which is always empty (except for the cat) and just get back to my ideas. i am glad i am not saddled with a wife and kids and a golden retriever which i would have to share my life with, and sit with them on a couch and watch TV at night.

i can think of no more constricting a lifestyle than that. i am glad i can be free in my life as long as i live...without the burden of worry that i do not have a family like so many people have. people worry what others think of them and they are tormented and unrested for no reason as far as i can see. other people are other people. they are not me.

but you ask "what do i find unattractive about my autism" (if version 1 was the question).

well i do not like how people that know i have autism are too quick to write off my observation as just the absorbances of an autistic.
an example that has never happened, but will illustrate exactly what i am trying to say:
if i was talking to a person on the street who knew i had autism and they were otherwise polite and accommodating, and i saw in the sky behind them a jumbo jet on fire and doomed to crash, and if i said "goodness gracious me!! !" in a startled fashion, they would most likely not look around at where i am looking to see why i said what i said, and instead just think that i was having an "autistic eureka moment".

a real example is that i recently bought a car that is very luxurious and it has low mileage and it was a bargain. it is in very good condition.
never the less, i decided to have it checked over by some mechanics in my area to see what was worn and in need of replacing. one of the mechanics knows a person i know and therefore knows i have autism, and he obviously told the other men there.
they were nice fellows, and they checked my car and said it was in very good condition, and i asked what was worn, and one guy said "well the shocks on the rear are worn, but you won't need to replace them for at least twelve months".
i said "what do you mean by "worn" ? " and he said "well just what you'd expect after about 80,000km" and i asked what it was that i should expect, and he said "don't worry mate. you'll be fine. they're perfectly safe"
i did not care about that. i wanted to have the best possible ride quality, and if the shocks are worn, i want them replaced.
he said "mate, you'll just be wasting money if you get them replaced now" and i said "will the ride quality be improved if i get them replaced now?" and he said "i dunno mate. it's hard to tell" and i said "well i will book it in for them to be replaced then" and he looked like he thought i was being stupid and that i did not understand that i was not in danger because of the shocks. i do not care about what he cares about. i want the blasted shocks replaced because i want new ones and that is that.

i know they are not dangerous but i want a "brand new" ride quality.

but alas, they think they are protecting me from wasting money (a noble but misguided cause) and they are resistant to replacing my shock absorbers at this time. i will have to turn the heat up on them next week or else i will take my business elsewhere.

that will do.

I couldn't agree more. Women like different traits in different people. I, for example, like people who are awkward and "different." There's a reason why I keep having crushes on the aspie guys I talk to via the internet, and it's because they're awesome at being different. Screw being socially attuned! You can just TELL an aspie exactly how you're feeling. Is it really that hard?

I have no charisma--and I don't give a rat's butt!

Just be yourself. The vast majority of people over a certain age respond to that more than to "charisma."

You say that after complaining a few posts ago that no one would ask YOU out. If you really liked "socially awkward and different" men, then surely the thought of taking a more pro-active role in the whole dating game would've crossed your mind by this point.

Also if by "socially awkward and different" you mean someone like Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds. Yeah, well, I'm sorry to break it to you, but men like that just don't exist in the real world.

I don't doubt that women with Aspergers face difficulties in relationships and yes, I HAVE known and talked to a few before. But what I observe is that their social ineptness isn't as much of a barrier to getting into relationships as it is for men.

There was no reason to attack Goofygoobers. She's really a good egg. She's just shy--that's why she might not take the initiative.