Getting a girlfriend feels like an impossible task

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There is no correlation between weight and intelligence.

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Last edited by marshall on 07 Mar 2016, 8:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just world theory BS. It still is discriminatory because it's overly simplistic. There are skinny people who never have to work out and people who are fat despite working out. Also, what about big muscular fat people? Are they lazy too? Plus there's more to looks than just weight/fat. Facial features (100% genetic) play a big role too.

You may be right. It was merely a hypotheses born out of my unscientific observations such as most of the students I see on my commute who go to the school for the gifted are thin. I'm sure they have a very high workload so I thought perhaps the same self-discipline that keeps them thin also allows them to keep up with the high course load.

Another example is that I've seen fewer fat people in upper-middle class neighbourhoods. I thought maybe the ambition and tireless work-ethic needed to afford one of those million dollar houses might go hand in hand with the hard self-discipline needed to maintain a healthy weight.

Dunno what neighborhood you live in, but there are plenty of plump people in the pretty posh neighborhood I live in.

My take is that weight has a whole lot to do with genetics.

I remember you. You're the woman who keeps getting banned and creates profiles named after common household objects

Poor people eat more fast-food because it is quick and cheap. Unhealthy food at stores is also cheaper. Wealthy people can afford gym memberships (they are a affordable luxury to people living paycheck to paycheck). Wealthy people can afford to have one parent not working full time (and thus more time and energy to prepare healthy meals).

If anything I'd think it's rich people who eat poorer.

Living in luxury allows them access to more healthier and exquisite foods, but also higher portions.

Unhealthy lifestyle is simply observed across all economic classes, from skinny, starving and undernourished people in third-world nations, to the severely obese in the U.S. who, despite access to healthier foods, may still prefer fast foods and such, and are also technically undernourished as their foods have too much sugar and fats and not enough Protein, fibre and micronutrients.

As genetic as weight and health may be, it's changeable.

More than anything this statement exemplifies the difference between our two countries. In Australia it's typically the upper-middle class families in which both parents work full time. It happens in cases where both parents are ambitious and both parents get skilled jobs. The lower middle-class have one parent working a skilled job and sometimes the other working part time. It is very commonly the case with the poorest Australian families that the neither parent works at all.

In Australia it's typically the ambitious, skilled workers who work long hours, often due to the demanding nature of the job. It sounds very strange to me to hear of poor people working longer hours but I accept that America is a very different place.

It also sounds strange to me to hear of Americans talking about "poor inner-city neighborhoods". In Australia inner-city neighborhoods are inhabited by yuppies and rich retirees living in over-priced houses. The poor are banished to the outer suburbs. The price they pay is a longer commute to work, if they have work at all. I guess the difference is that Australia never had forced bussing.

I don't want to sound overly critical of America since there are plenty of disadvantages to living in Australia (Slow internet speeds, poorly maintained roads, etc).

You won't fail if you mess up on one part. Women are more forgiving than you think they are. Your main problem is that you're overthinking things. Try not to think so much. Part of the problem with aspies is that we're obsessive and we tend to overanalyze things, and while this approach works great for things like math problems and computer programming, it's the wrong approach when it comes to love and relationships.

I've only had one girlfriend, and that was someone I met in a mental hospital who was manic and was basically trying to act out a sexual conquest fantasy with me. My main problem, even though I've gotten plenty of attention from women in the past, is that I'm simply too shy to initiate relationships. Recently I asked out a girl I met in another mental hospital whom I had become friends with, and even though she said no, it made me feel good, because I had finally worked up the guts to be the initiator, and found that it wasn't the nightmare that I expected it to be. We continued being friends after that, and there was no indication that she saw me any differently because I had shown a romantic interest in her.

There are cases like that in the US as well. It varies. The poorest are single-parents with several children. They're the ones with no time for anything if they have to work full time. The most ridiculous part is it is possible to work full time and still need government assistance if you are a single parent. It's almost as if companies that pay s**t are being subsidized by government. They don't have to pay a living wage.


I imagine this is true of families with no children in the US. It varies. Still, it is possible to work full time and still be very poor if you make the s**t minimum wage we have in the US. We are closer to a third world country than you.


It's more like the inner-cities are segregated into "yuppie" areas and ghettos. It will depend on which "side" of town you're on. Then there is the suburban sprawl outside of that on all sides.

Also, I think this thread has gotten very off-topic.

Women certainly can be more forgiving if they are attracted to you or at least are already acquainted with you and like you as a person. And even if they're not into you like that, they can still be forgiving so long as you do not cross boundaries. But I will say that even though I've never been in a mental hospital, in everyday life it really is best to err on the side of caution with female strangers. That doesn't mean you cannot ask someone out, but if you do ask them out be prepared if they say no. The trouble is that women often send mixed messages and aren't necessarily direct about their intent and how they feel towards you.

I personally cannot tell whether or not someone is attracted to me at a distance. I have to talk to them and get to know them beforehand.

Aspies overanalyze things because we don't understand intuitively what's going on and there isn't usually anyone there to hold our hand.

A lot of those guys got into relationships by lowering their standards. There are plain jane girls with low charisma who are kind of desperate to get a boyfriend.Don't envy those guys. They're doing it wrong. If they have many brief relationships it means they're unable to sustain a relationship. It's the people who sustain long relationships who should be admired.I'm going to go with CryptoNerd with this. Women are more forgiving than you think they are. You can mess up badly and the girl won't necessarily dump you. She can mess up badly and you won't necessarily dump her.

Don't worry to much about crossing the line because I've had girls dump me because I once feared to cross the line. They thought I wouldn't touch them because I didn't like them. The real reason was because I was scared. Remember that in many cases women want the same things you want.

In my experience women are more offended by words than deeds. Words hurt. This is equally true for men and women but men and women react differently. Men are conditioned to internalize their trauma. It's unmanly to complain or so society says. Women are conditioned to let it all out. When men get criticized they're conditioned to think the fault must lie with them and they must improve it. The pitfall of this is they may make the mistake of trying to please everyone or holding themselves to impossible standards. When women get criticised they can react badly, even on topics they've been openly self-critical about.

I don't really understand why I'm not allowed to mentioned topics that my girlfriend talks about openly (most notably her weight problem). She says she's taking steps to lose weight then I see her put 5 spoons of sugar in her tea or eat danishes all the time. How can I advise her this isn't conducive to weight loss if it's a taboo topic? I find it all very confusing.It's pretty rare for those people to work in Australia. Depending on the number of kids they'd get about $30,000 per year in welfare (income tax free) and they'd also get many things subsided such as half-price public transport costs, $5 cap on most types of medication, even cheaper tickets at the cinema. Biggest of all is that they can get into heavily subsidised housing. They can rent a 3 bedroom, quarter acre house for about a third of what the same house would cost in private rental.

Yes I do know a single mother who works full time but it's rare and she always seems so exhausted. Yet she pays so much tax and she gets so little help that she's only slightly better than an unemployed single mother. Most of her income goes on her mortgage, paying back her university fees and sending her daughter to a private school (She says public schools are full of bullies. I can say from experience that she's correct. The trouble with dedicated entire suburbs to subsidised housing is that it groups all the poor kids in one place and poor kids can be perpetrators as often as victims (but I'm sure that happens in your country too). I also found that public schools had very low academic standards with teachers who knew their subject perfectly yet didn't know how to explain it and career counselors who aren't the least help in advising how to get into university (they didn't help me choose a career and they didn't tell me that certain subjects don't count towards my entrance score )).Are those the same companies that avoid corporate taxes by offshoring to Bermuda? The ones that take credit for their gains while socializing their losses? The ones that make the majority of campaign contributions?

I can't stand their rhetoric about how a small minimum wage increase would cause hyperinflation. This didn't happen the last 30 times the minimum wage was raised. They say it will hurt the poor innocent small business owners when most of them are large business (the best way to victimise someone is to make yourself look like a victim). They say minimum wage doesn't matter because minimum wage jobs are only for teenagers while they pay said wage to their adult employees (on a side note, why do so many American teens have after school jobs, this too is rare in Australia. Wouldn't an afterschool job divert time and energy away from their school assignments? How can they concentrate in school if they're exhausted?)Why no kids? My snobbish uncle and his snobbier wife both had highly skilled, very highly paid jobs while raising three young kids. Being chief accountant to a large corporation she works massive overtime and frequent business trips while he promised to not exceed 8 hours per day and rarely takes business trips. Being a factory engineer he could take the night shift so he could look after the kids per day. When they go to school that gives him 6 hours to sleep. I admire them for their ambition but not their arrogance.Don't worry, we're catching up. I've heard it said that the only way we can compete with the third world and their superhuman work-ethic is to become third world. If the Indian lady at the office works a 10 hour day while claiming pay for 7.5 hours then that may one day be expected of us.

Much of what RetroGamer says is true.

I have noticed in U.S., typically both parents work but I only observe that here among the middle and upper middle class.

The lower middle and low classes have the highest unepmloyment or underemployment rates, and I think it would be a fair argument to assume lower class is more likely to work hard labor work for lower pay rates, usually minimum wage.

We do have a lot of single Mum's here taking care of the children with no time for much else, and once she does find a partner it's usually just her partner who works while she can't.

"A lot of those guys got into relationships by lowering their standards. There are plain jane girls with low charisma who are kind of desperate to get a boyfriend."

Also plenty of women with 'boring' personalities.

"Don't envy those guys. They're doing it wrong. If they have many brief relationships it means they're unable to sustain a relationship. It's the people who sustain long relationships who should be admired."

Yep. I now realize the popular guys and gals who had like 3 or 4 relationships per year weren't actually having healthy one's at all.

"I don't really understand why I'm not allowed to mentioned topics that my girlfriend talks about openly (most notably her weight problem). She says she's taking steps to lose weight then I see her put 5 spoons of sugar in her tea or eat danishes all the time. How can I advise her this isn't conducive to weight loss if it's a taboo topic? I find it all very confusing."

Simply put, you don't. I already told you my advice on this in another thread.

I know exactly how you feel, but it's just something you have to leave be. Most people will do anything to justify their negative habits and delude themselves into thinking they're on the right track. It's pathetic, but it's human psychology (false rationalizations) and we're all guilty of it in our own ways.

I also have an overweight friend who, if we're out and about and have been walking around for at least 30 minutes 'well, I've gotten my exercise for the day' yet will still eat lots of junk food.

It's up to her to realize she's wrong, you've just to accept her how she is for now.

Best way to lose weight is calorie deficit, along with strength training to keep your muscle and make sure only fat is shed off. Most people don't differentiate losing fat vs. losing muscle in weight.

"It's pretty rare for those people to work in Australia. Depending on the number of kids they'd get about $30,000 per year in welfare (income tax free) and they'd also get many things subsided such as half-price public transport costs, $5 cap on most types of medication, even cheaper tickets at the cinema. Biggest of all is that they can get into heavily subsidised housing. They can rent a 3 bedroom, quarter acre house for about a third of what the same house would cost in private rental."

What are you talking about? Single mothers or even mothers with a working partner who are in the lower middle class range don't get any of those benefits.

Housing commission is cheaper, but is absolutely disgraceful and usually in very impoverished, crime-ridden, filthy neighborhoods.

Being a single mother in Australia with 6 kids isn't a good thing unless you like to live in the hood, which, yes, I have before.

The family tax benefit was for middle class families earning a certain income. Kind of silly families that already earned a decent amount got the bonus while those struggling to make ends meet didn't.

In QLD at least, you can only rent a house 1/3 of your yearly income. Maybe it's because only Mum is on our lease, but we're a family of 6 and can only ever rent 2 bedroom houses, very rarely we could go for a cheap 3-bedroom.

My family's annual income is probably just $10,000-$15,000 a year, possibly even less than that. Our situation is four kids (but her payment for me was cut-off, I'm now on youthstart, but I'm including myself in the mix), so payment for me, 3 children, unemployed Mum, and step-dad who actually earned lower than legal minimum wage for his age and is currently sorting that out.

I guess you mean family's of 5-6+ children?

I'm Aboriginal with a big family, high in children and high in unemployment, and they still all struggle to make ends meet.

Who would'a thought even with the supposed benefits of being Indigenous, they still all resort to their drug and alcohol addictions to escape the stress of life?

I'm sorry, RetroGamer, but what you're saying sounds like the perspective of a middle class Australian who hasn't actually experienced lower middle class life firsthand, if you really believed benefits are just thrown their way.

I sure hope you're not one of those A Current Affair watching Aussies who thinks we're 'giving all these big 5 bedroom houses to boat people who have come here illegally and are trying to take our jobs and take over the country, and to the lazy dole bludgers, while not taking care of us hardworking Australians blah blah'.

The facts: http://www.glennmurray.com.au/australia ... al-policy/

Under both the labor and liberal government, NO ONE in general is being taken care of. You would know this, what with the recent changes in the disability pension.

I'm no longer eligible even if I would have been a few years ago, and 25% of Newstart recievers have a mental or physical disability.

I've just begun the sh*thard process it's going to be to get on it.

My friend who has Severe Autism, physical back issues, Bipolar Disorder and a variety of others things, HAS gotten onto disability, but is being threatened to be taken off it.

http://www.theguardian.com/australia-ne ... -claimants

"Yes I do know a single mother who works full time but it's rare and she always seems so exhausted. Yet she pays so much tax and she gets so little help that she's only slightly better than an unemployed single mother. Most of her income goes on her mortgage, paying back her university fees and sending her daughter to a private school (She says public schools are full of bullies. I can say from experience that she's correct. The trouble with dedicated entire suburbs to subsidised housing is that it groups all the poor kids in one place and poor kids can be perpetrators as often as victims (but I'm sure that happens in your country too). I also found that public schools had very low academic standards with teachers who knew their subject perfectly yet didn't know how to explain it and career counselors who aren't the least help in advising how to get into university (they didn't help me choose a career and they didn't tell me that certain subjects don't count towards my entrance score ))."

Yes, our education system is quite the bust.

"Don't worry, we're catching up. I've heard it said that the only way we can compete with the third world and their superhuman work-ethic is to become third world. If the Indian lady at the office works a 10 hour day while claiming pay for 7.5 hours then that may one day be expected of us."

Our economy has gone down the drain, yeah. Truth is our 'debt' was not as bad as it was made out to be, and was far better than countries such as Greece and the U.S., but it was greatly exaggerated that Rudd made our debt worse and Abbott used it as part of his campaign. If only people did their research as Abbott and that puppet Turnbull have done more damage than Rudd could have ever done. We're nearing a recession, I'd say.

Yes you did. I don't like societies taboos but I won't shoot the messenger. It's partly that I find it illogical that she talks about it and I can't and partly because I want to be with a really skinny girl.Yep, I know plenty of people who make a token effort and expect to lose weight. The frustrating thing about this is that I have successfully lost a lot of weight. I used to be obese and now I'm not.

I know that it's taboo for me to tell people how to lose weight but since I went from obese to normal, something most people have not done, that means I could give a lot of effective advice yet I can't because of the taboo. It's so frustrating when I see people trying things that I know won't work.She already knows she's overweight. She's already gone on a diet. I know her diet won't work yet she gets mad when I tell her it won't work or suggest a diet that worked for me. So frustrating

If it was a matter of convincing her that she's overweight and that she needs to go on a diet that would be one thing. But the trouble is I can't tell her to go on a diet because she's already on a diet (an ineffective one).I meant people on Centralink (many of whom are single mothers). Their concession card gets then slightly cheaper movie tickets, cheaper public transport (not sure about Queensland but here in South Australia it's half-price) and very cheap prescription medication.

I $30,000 per year may be wrong, it was mainly based on the on the approx $27,000 per year I used to get from Centralink plus a bit added for their kids (though my DSP had rent assistance added to it, which Housing Commision residents wouldn't receive, it also had mobility allowance and a few other payments added).

I realise that $30,000 per year for the single mother wouldn't make her remotely well-off. While that much per year might provide a moderately comfortable lifestyle for the bachelor, it would provide a spartan lifestyle for a single mother and kids.Yes I know. I grew up in one. I live in one now. I'm moving to a suburb designed for lower-middle people to pretend to be middle class.

What I disliked most about the housing commission neighborhood was not the poor quality houses but the type of people who lived in them. I couldn't stand being around all the druggies and burglars. Some of the people I saw looked out of place living in a house of any sort.No it's not a good thing but in America it could be even worse. They have hoods there too. It would be worse to be twice as poor while working long hours and spending the rest of her time to raise the kids, never having any free time or time to rest. Though according to auntblabby no time to rest describes not only single mothers but a large segment of the American population, both those trapped poverty and those who have or soon will have achieved success.Too right. Just another example of welfare for the middle-class.I've never heard of that. It must not exist in SA. I've rented houses that were over half my income. Also the NRAS (not the housing commision), a scheme to subsedise through private rental, doesn't outright ban bachelors and childless couples but their maximum income limit rises dramatically for each additional child. In SA a six kid family would have a very high ceiling, well over $100,000 per year. However, I don't like it how HousingSA will only pay your bond on houses that cost less than $225 per week. Maybe when that rule was set up that was the cost of any modest house but nowadays nearly every house is well over that amount. The only thing I've rented for less than that is a granny flat. I think it's because for a house that cheap bond is only four weeks rent but for the majority of houses bond is six weeks rent so they don't want to pay that much.

I just had to pay $2,400 in bond and rent plus $3,000 in overpriced furniture. Boy am I broke. The top floor apartment I'm moving into is a little cramped but the view is spectacular.Holy crap! I live alone and I struggle to get by on more than three times that amount. Partly because burglars stole $20,000 of stuff for me and partly because of my failed plan to bribe a Philippine girl to come and be my GF. I wasted about $1,200 on that. Yes I know that was a very stupid idea.Hey, I wasn't always middle class. I was raised by a single mum who never had a job in her life. For most of my twenties I was a huge welfare queen. Claiming as many Centralink payments as I could. You're right, I thought most people on Centralink got more than $1,000 per fortnight but they don't. I forgot that most people couldn't game the system like I could. I was always able to figure out the best combination of payments but I never committed fraud. I still get about $420 per fortnight from them even though I'm in a reasonably well paid job (yes I accurately report my income to Centralink, including Christmas bonuses).No, I find it best not to believe what the teLIEvision says. I'm in favour of immigration because it means more pretty Asian girls come here.

I suspect that it would be cheaper to help these immigrants rather than spend vast sums of money trying to keep them out.It's not the debt I'm concerned about, it's the working conditions.