To all the bitter men

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Forgiveness is the antidote to bitterness.

Forgive and offer loving kindness, both to those who have wronged you and toward yourself.

A snake bite will not kill you.
The venom that spreads through your body afterwards will.

-Bodhisattva Raleigh

JACOBY:

Unfortunately, no true dating advice actually exists, and whatever advice does is the same generic platitudes that are repeated ad naseum after not too long.

They give this advice because it worked for them, and apply it to everyone else.

You want some more insightful thoughts on the matter of dating?

Here they are:

About 95% of people end up in relationships. Not scientific, just a gues.s

But the vast majority of people will have at least a few long-term relationships that are decent to great.

People in relationships and those who have sex come from all walks of life, and single people come in all shapes, sizes and lifestyles.

The reality is self-improvement has little to do with it, what matters more is how well you are at connecting with others and how often you meet others on a consistent basis.

Abusive people, liars, criminals, drug addicts, low-lifes, etc. end up in relationships all the time.

You can be a real trashbag and will find love if you can connect with your fellow trashbags of the world.

It doesn't matter how fat, lazy, rude, aggressive, uneducated, jobless, ugyl etc. you are, you'ree likely to meet someone at the same 'level' as you.

So self improvemnt is 'good' in that at the very least once your quality as a person improves, so does your dating pool.

But there are millionaires who are single, there are very attractive people who can't meet someone committed, and there are plenty of poor people with severe depression, drug addicts, criminals etc. who have plenty of happy and non-dysfunctional relationships.

Relationships are something that naturally occurs for most people.

People choose to self-improve and put themselves out there, and things usually just fall in line after that.

I'm not saying people don't work hard to find love, I'm saying opportunities and chances just come naturally and by spending a good amount of time around others, building connections and consistently meeting new people things just happen organically.

Some people actually end up in a relatonship with someone else without trying. They just fell for each other, hung out more often, and things just 'happened' for them.

When I got my first girlfriend, almost NONE of the sh*tty advice applied to my situation. I was in the right place at the right time, and there was a mutual attraction.

Most people meet their S.O. through mutual friends and this was true or me too, as much as the idea pi55es me off because nowadays my only friends are males just as lonely as me and friend with no females.

I wasn't confident or positive, in fact I was the opposite.

I kept telling myself she'll never like me, she'll never want to be with me, and yet she had a crush on me back.

Thing is, as long as people don't know how positive or negative you feel about a situation, there attraction to you won't change.

It is true that if I kept telling her "You'd never like me and never want to date me" I wouldn't have ended up with her, but since I didn't we did.

I also didn't actually have to make any effort whatsoever. No self-improvement B.S.

I had a crush on her myself so I naturally wanted to spend more time around her and we naturally, through no effort, bonded. The only thing I had to do was, once I found out she liked me back, ask her to be my girlfriend.

So if you follow the advice of the people here, there is a 90% chance you'll eventually meet someone and things will just fall in line.

This of course doesn't give them any right to be condescending, arrogant a55hats who think they're always right.

Because what happens if you're in that 10%?

Well, tough sh*t. I don't mean that cruelly.

You've tried everything and it didn't work.

At least you can finally admit to yourself they were wrong and you were right. They weren't wrong in their own life, but what works for one person doesn't work for another.

The other problem is, though, most people will do anything to make you believe you 'just weren't trying enough' or just weren't doing enough.

There are people who are attractive, fit, hardworking, friendly, confident, educated, independent, successful, etc. who still can't find love.

No matter how much you try to argue though you really did do EVERYTHING they suggested and still failed, they still will try to say you were too desperate, you didn't try hard enough, you didn't do this or that enough, etc.

Hurtloam is a great example of someone who for no real reason should be single anymore.

It happens.

I wrote a long stream of thoughts one time on the most realist dating advice that applies to my own personal life and situation, I can see a lot of my own situation in you so I'll PM you the entire thing and we can discuss it if you're up for it.

If I post it right now it'd make this post about twice as long. I may post it in its own thread though.

It's not copy and pasted so I have to rewrite it from scratch.

Some people BECOME negative and bitter BECAUSE they were working very hard and not seeing any progress nor results.

I'm sorry, but I do find it very silly if you think Jacoby isn't trying when of all the young men here, he's got to be one of the most hardworking of them all.

Young, independent, educated, intelligent, surely he takes care of his health and hygiene, and is trying to treat his Aspergers and Anxiety.

Ecomatt is also a very hardworking young fellow and he complains all the time too - because he's earned the right too.

People need at least small successes from time-to-time to remind them that they are capable.

Confidence and positive self-esteem do not come purely from within.

No one is going to hold your hand through life but your circumstances will affect how you feel.

I'm sure a 50 year old man who has been rejected by over 1,000 women in his life, has sent out 10,000 resumes and not got a single interview, has applied for loans from 10 different companies, and been consistently rejected each and every time, will not feel confident and will feel bitter and negative.

What if it takes you years, and YEARS and YEARS before you become even the slighest bit more comfortable with something?

What if you've been practicing driving for 2 years and no less nervous than the day you begun?

We need small successes in life.

Sometimes life just needs to throw you a bone, an opportunity, a positive outcome, to keep you sane.

And it's not about entitlement, it's about effort : reward ratio.

I hope this isn't redundant but I didn't read through the whole thread. Anyway thanks for making the thread, I'm a bit of a nerd/otaku and wanted to find someone that could relate to my autism but you're right. Autistic men seem to blame women for everything instead of trying to grow. I can't relate to the fear of rejection or hurt because I'm stoic. If I ask a guy out and he says no, I just figure I'm not his type.

I think people forget that both genders are human. In all honesty, you don't have to like everything about women to enjoy one's company. Even I, as hard as I try maybe insensitive to male issues, but I try my hardest not to be. We need to look back at the generations that stayed together, sure they had their problems but society wasn't exactly helpful. They spent most of their free time bitching over the opposite sex over alcohol and still slept together at night. It's just one of the things about romance.

As far as the men going their own way thing, personally I believe modern relationships are too intertwined. Civilization has advanced to a point where we relate to the depths of our minds and souls. If you think back 100 years or so, just being of the opposite gender was enough to make a relationship work. Things are very complicated and I think humanity needs to catch up to the sharp turn from a crude strength based society, to a delicate mind based society. Unfortunately most people aren't keen to their senses and just go through the motions of life. Those motions in turn hurt others because they are based in selfishness. The group you mentioned is a step back, but the premise is a step forward. Men need to look at themselves and find what they want. Both genders do, the just do it attitude to dating doesn't work for the mind based generation.

I can relate to how you feel, being a 5'9" chick that's in good shape everyone tells me I look like a model. I'm not popular though, being attractive and being popular are two different things. So far dates and trying to date has just been frustrating because the kind of attention I get isn't the kind of attention I want. However people suck. Not just men or vice versa.

To everyone reading this keep your heads up. Keep an open mind. Work towards self improvement. A long as you know you're a good person doing your best, whether it works out or not doesn't matter.

I am sure when you are a very pretty girl the world can seem very open minded and supportive, how hard it must be to have confidence!

#StopTheWomansplaining.

Bitterness is a waste of time. The whole romance/marriage thing is a fairy tale created by society to keep people in line. It's a myth, it doesn't exist. Even people who are supposedly successful together usually end up splitting eventually.
Being bitter about the lack of a partner is like being bitter because you don't have a magical pony.