What is the hardest thing for you when it comes to dating?

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We are constantly battered by shortness of time, children interrupting and no alone time. I struggle with long-windedness anyway but in the environment we have to work with at the moment and raising a high needs child I find excess rumination about straight forward things really hard. I actually feel panicked by things that take time! But I do see what you mean, the journey, and being on it together, is far more important than simply achieving the desired outcome.

But is it possible to harm one sex or gender without hurting the other?

Well, tell that to MissChess. I was replying to her.

I'm not going to respond to your strawman argument, Spiderpig. I never said "OMG Aspie guys are the only ones allowed to talk you all have to shut up poor little meeeee."

I'm sorry you view my desire for Aspie women to also be heard as some kind of threat. "Share what's difficult for you with dating," isn't the kind of conversation that should ever be turned into a zero-sum game.

In a thread like this, though, responding to a woman's comments with BS mansplaining about how she's got it all wrong and her own personal dating experience is just a big ol' misunderstanding and she should listen to the guys tell her how life really is? Guys do that a lot. I don't care for it.

I love and respect many men. My respect is earned, though, and it doesn't go to those who try to paint my words over with lies and their own opinions.

...aaaand yeah, I just totally responded to that strawman argument. SMDH.

I never said that. Talk about strawmanning



We have our fair share of womansplaining about our own challenges, too, and especially about how wanting to do anything about them makes us misogynists and therefore undeserving of any success.



Good for you. I may be naïve, but not so much as to expect I could earn your respect at this point.

The parent retains a lot of control if you still live with them. Assuming they are the type to use it.

Meeting people to date offline.

That what I have been doing. Meetup.com events, community events, running my business and volunteer group. Unfortunately, the problem is out of our control. Whether people turning up or not. Have RSVPed yes but did not turn up. This is funny skill from people who aren't being consistent.

For many years I tried to meet my friends offline since they are always online but still hang out offline. I feel more isolated when being online because of not being invited. So as being ambiverted person I have to make efforts. Lot of people I know in my networks are mostly either introverted and extroverted. Coming across to ambiverted girl would be so difficult.

I have no doubt about that---I spent an awful lot of years at my parents' home as a pathetic adult unable to reach an agreement with them on how to become independent. What I wonder is how he can have a relationship at all if his mother doesn't want him to. I know it was totally impossible for me to do the same.

I'm trained in two types of martial arts and used to do weight lifting when I was more able bodied. I am very familiar with the strength differences between males and females and the limitations of martial arts in actual self defense, particularly when there are large differences in strength and speed between the individuals in question. People have overly optimistic and distorted views of the actual dynamics of real life violent encounters thanks to movies. I think us women are going to continue making our own calls on our personal safety.


It's irrelevant to this conversation that there are rapists/killers who prey on both men and women, as the subject at hand is a woman's determination of whether or not a man is safe.

I understand you do. You can say "I wouldn't hurt a fly" but have the theory of mind to know that another person (in this case, a woman) does not have the ability to determine that from their vantage point.

A lot of people think "I'm nice, and I know I would never hurt anyone, therefor, others should know that too," and then they become upset and take it personally when those who don't know them don't trust them.

If you compare it to the "Sally Ann" experiment, it's almost an identical parallel. Only in the "Sally Ann" experiment, the faulty reasoning is "I know the item was moved from the red box to the blue box, therefore everyone else should too."

I think this is interesting, because most NTs over the age of 5 can pass the Sally Ann test, and I believe most of us here who are on the spectrum can as well...at least as adults. However many people who can pass the Sally Ann test, NT or otherwise, can't seem to generalize their theory of mind such that it extends to knowing that just because they know themselves to be nice or trustworthy, doesn't mean those who don't know them can know this.

What if it's a Tsetse fly?

Then I might make an exception...

except that avoidance of them is much better than personally harming them.

I meet all my dates on dating sites as I could never approach someone I don't know in real life.

The hardest part for me is getting to the date. I get so nervous about social things that I start getting physical symptoms like nausea and I can even vomit when it's really bad but once i've made it out the door and about 30 minutes into the date it passes.

Another difficult thing is the pressure to keep a conversation going as I am incapable of smalltalk... So if I go out with a shy person it can be quiet for long periods of time which is pretty awkward even if they tend to say it's okay.

I don't mind dating as it's a good way to meet new people.

What styles if I may ask?

The techniques of my style are specifically intended to help enable one to be able to mitigate large differences in strength/speed through leverage/technique. One of the founders, Helio Gracie was a very small guy weighing between 110lbs-130lbs(later about 140lbs max when fighting professionally) so there would also be a pretty extreme difference in strength. Royce Gracie won some of the first UFCs and in doing so defeated guys like pro boxers, kung fu master, karate master, judo master, NCAA div 1 wrestler, and steroid users well over 200lbs.

It's proven to work although on the street few of the people whom might be are going to have this kind of level of training.

I mean to make no statements about calls on personal safety. I am generally pretty paranoid, martial arts made me recognize more about the potential dangers due to the idea of hypothetical criminal who is also a trained martial artist. I encourage martial arts purely as a way to help mitigate some of the general anxiety, hopefully have a non zero percent chance of survival and also because this general anxiety has been a big barrier for me wanting to date since I feel hesitant to interact with strangers.

I have and will continue to make the very same safety call you women make about this. It's never worth it to get into a car with a stranger, there's no way to know if it's actually safe. They could have another guy lying out of sight in the back seat with a firearm ready, they could have a silencer so no one will hear if it fires. Plus often people will just ignore anyways as they won't get involved as that could bring danger onto them. I think when living in America it would probably be bordering on stupid to just ignore this danger.

When I move to a larger city especially if it is in a place like LA I will buy stuff like a personal gps tracker connected with multiple people I know and whom will know what I'm doing. Even then I intend to basically be like an otaku and just go to work, home and martial arts gym. No/minimal social life outside of that, I will save up and then move to smaller place more to my comfort(decent jobs outside of Silicon Valley would be more attainable with a history of experience).


That's just my view on that matter. I assume always that any rapist/killer at all will potentially also target me as a man possibly out of purely sadistic tendencies if not for sexual reasons. My only point here is that I strongly feel this should be a valid point of concern for both men and women.


One of my Aspergers interests/obsessions is psychology and it helps me avoid this in knowing that the bad guys are going to be Dark Triad/Tetrad and that some of the features of such people include:
-Feels no guilt(ever) since in their minds other human being exist solely for their own selfish pleasure
-Really good at lying/manipulation
-Strongly motivated to harm others however possible, basically an instinct to kill or maim others


Very interesting thanks! You've given me a topic to check out!