Endgame

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lol right, that's him, the evil king of all us Boos

It's either that he thought you're the self promoting porn star or that was a case of a confirmation bias.

Amen to that.

Don’t call Big boo the face of boo. I love big boo.

I also go nuts for donuts.

I said she could have any donut or donuts she wanted and also a drink. What's to get mad at?

Maybe she thought you were more keen to get back home and do something else, do you think it could be that?

Sorry for the bad news, but I am the Big boo.

Donuts Aren’t a meal. I like desert but I’d never want it to be my only food for dinner.

Ok this time she really left me

Oh no, what happened?

Cupcake for dinner?

Yeah, I wanna know what happened, too. How did it go down?

Just talking purely out of ignorance here, but I feel like she did you a favor. Predictable behavior, too. I felt she was trying to get you to dump her. Either that, or it was part of her exit strategy. The only fault you have here, IMO, was waiting too long. It’s been, what, 2-3 weeks since this started getting real?

I’m genuinely curious, but it’s all irrelevant. On the one hand, tough break, and I hope you get past this quickly. On the other hand, congratulations! I usually tell people to “mourn” relationships. But I feel this one calls for celebration. My recommendation: no less than one shot of a fine, American sour mash whiskey chased with the best Australian lager you can find on tap.

Trust me, with the week I’m having, I might well be doing the same.

I'm really curious what happened. I recall reading one of your other threads about this and got a bad feeling like "I don't think this is healthy relationship" and it seems like unfair situation to you. I'd thought you were being bullied into having kids when you didn't want to or at least not yet.

I got interested because it reflects a lot of the fears I have about future relationship. I am extremely exact about what kinds of conditions I need in order to be happy with starting a family. For starters I need a good standard of living plus decent cash flow every month. Like good home/car/neighbourhood, eat really well, have the necessary hobbies, place some money for savings/retirement/vacations and then have X thousands of dollars left per month. I need to actually see that the Kid expenses are gonna be covered without compromising our needs, have 6 months salary put away plus ability to add more savings every month. I am inflexible about this because I want my kid to have good conditions growing up plus be able to go to university and also the parents need to have needs met in order to maintain strong mental health and deal with the stress of parenting. The reality is it's massive stress therefore there needs to be strategies in place for coping with it.


That's my gut feeling too. I'd wondered if it could have been prejudice on my part but AngelRho's posts explain things well. I've thought about what would I do and I keep thinking I'd want out. It really seems like an abusive situation where I'd just have to not have my mental health needs met, I feel like there's a lot of red flags coming up from his ex's behaviours. For starters the situation as described by Retro definitely isn't one that promotes good well being on his part, I think in very long term would lead to depression and depressed people cannot be effective in the role of the parent. Raising a kid is complex and extremely demanding while depression saps the energy away both physical and mental which will mean being unable to meet the demands.

I have some residual depression and I can say for sure that I can't wrap my head around the complexity of teaching a new human being from absolute nothing into a responsible adult. I don't have the energy nor the motivation to constantly attend to a child that needs 24/7/365 attention & care. And this is with my depression being quite greatly diminished. I just simply believe there has to be no depression at all in order for me to possibly be effective as a parent.

First, and most importantly, you have to do what you feel is best. My perspective is just that: my perspective.

I’m about as opposite as you can get from your future standard for yourself. I have three children. I felt starting a family was simply the right thing to do and keeping my wife waiting was unfair to her.

All those things you listed quite simply are just not going to happen for me or us. I used to think the same way. But the reality is that by the time the “stars align” like you say it should, I might be pushing 70. And that’s not even being CAUTIOUSLY optimistic.

You really just have to make up your mind. Either it’s going to happen or it isn’t. You either want it or you don’t. But if you do want it, no level of underprivileged existence can really stop you. You just do it and adapt day by day.

The idea of kids being so difficult to manage is a joke. We made our kids conform to us, our activities, our schedule. We didn’t bend or mold ourselves to them. We did the exact opposite. We took our babies out to the movies and quickly learned how to teach them to stay calm so as not to disturb other moviegoers. We took them even as newborns to restaurants we liked. Pro-tip: loud bar and grill type places, tex-mex, etc. are PERFECT to train babies because you don’t have 5-Star pressure. The baby shifts just a little bit and the entire experience is RUINED for all guests...nope, doesn’t happen in low-brow and family establishments. Our rules are simple: you will stay in your seat and eat your food. You are welcome to join in our conversation. But you will not argue. Toddler, teenager, doesn’t matter.

We also live in an area where parents are usually NOT at home to supervise kids. While rare, my wife and I do sometimes go out and leave the 11-year-old in charge. When we come back home, everything is just as we left it. And nobody ever asks questions.

It just comes down to how you raise them and the level of trust you can cultivate. We’ve been very fortunate. We may be perpetually broke, but we’re happy. I’d rather have that than the 2-story 5-bedroom and the retirement account any day.

I can’t tell you what to do. I’m just saying you don’t have to let certain things hold you back.

I'll tell you what happened in a few hours. She was hinting that she might get back together with me again. At first that was what I really wanted. Now I'm not so sure.

There's a part of me that hates the idea of being in a relationship. Relationships suck. Being single is awesome!
There's a part of me that hates the idea of being single. Being single sucks. Relationships are awesome!

Life without her seems hollow and pointless. Life with her seems stifling. Crap I don't know what I want. If I was a real man I would be able to decide. I hate this feeling of ambivalence

What was the last dinner menu?