Young woman at the gas station

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Romantic gestures are for people you’re already dating. They’re not so good for the young woman who works at the gas station who you’ve barely talked to. And now you’re gonna have to see each other still? What if it made her uncomfortable?

She really didn’t seemed bugged out at all when I went there last night. She had genuinely said “have a good night” AFTER she told me she had a BF.

I did ask her about the note verbally despite her having a co worker within earshot, but that was because I really wanted transparency. I guess my thoughts on verbal communication with her have changed to an extent. Maybe asking her face to face wouldn’t have been so bad. But at the time I was just thinking about her co workers and possibly other customers being present. She was at work, damnit!

Can I just say that I feel many of the men posting their opinions here as if they have the key to women, seem to be rather dismissive of me, an actual women, who has (many times over) said that not every women wants the same things.

There is no one size fits all approach to women. We're all individuals. Some of us will not be receptive to the methods you're suggesting. There are girls who may have appreciated that he left a note because it doesn't put pressure on them at their workplace. Others may prefer directness. Others may hate standard lines like "want to get coffee" from strange customers. Some may prefer getting to know someone better before going out with them. Some may want to be the one asking the guy out. Shall I continue?

Then say what you think, give advices, no one is disallowing you to do so. Let's not play the victimization thing again here; I am saying what I think and you say what you think, no one is "dismissing" you.

While there's "no one size fits all approach to women" there's something also called common sense; catcalling for instance may work on 0.1% of women, but you can easily assume that it's a very bad idea for a man to do (and not even legal nor ethical).

So you would surely not advise it for any man to do it just because it's "no one size fits all approach to women" and that it may work on 0.1% of women, wouldn't you?

From a common sense perspective; a girl working in a gas station is someone the OP would have a very very little time to interact with (like 2 to 5 mins at most every time and about once a week depends on how much he consumes fuel); she is not a classmate or a member of same club which is part of his daily routine for a daily considerable time - she's classified as an almost stranger to the OP and not even as an acquaintance.
And since she's a stranger, what the OP did is what they call a cold approach and ....very odd that only kids in primary school do, regardless of his method most dates don't flourish from cold approaches and they very rarely work in the modern days (forget about what used to work 30-40 years ago); for one for a guy to make cold approach works he must be excessively charming, charismatic, smooth talker and radiate friendliness (and looks is a big plus here); traits that aspies usually naturally lack because...these are social traits.

Most relationship flourish via socialization; friends of friends...etc. And not like the above.

So please, let's have some common sense while advising guys on this community.

For the record, in some cultures/sub-culutres, an adult man passing a paper of a phone number to a stranger adult woman without asking her is considered extremely offensive - the women of those cultures would most likely see it as a prostitution service request.
Regardless of that, I strongly advise the OP to NEVER do it again.

I don’t have the “key” to women...that’s for darn sure.

I didn’t have a particular “method” that I used to date women. I went by my instincts.

I usually met women through friends, anyway. I was unsuccessful in bars and “singles functions.”

Is alex the only one who is saying the same thing I am saying here in this thread?

No wonder that we are both developers.

And Pepe, Pepe's posts make sense to me.

I have given my input throughout this thread, which it's clear you have not thoroughly read. Ironically, you have made a poor attempt at trying to explain this thread to me, when I'm quite clear on it as I've been in it since the beginning.

To try and equate what I said to "catcalling might work for 0.01%" is irrational. Instead of being condescending why don't you consider that perhaps your comments have come off as arrogant and unhelpful because of your choice of words.

Perhaps you should take your own advice and "have some common sense while advising guys on this community." You've been behaving irrationally, whereas I have given balanced input.

You give good input Kraftie. I hope you didn't think my comment was directed at you.

I believe most people who work in gas stations in Iowa won’t be too affected by some guy handing her a note with his number on it. As long as the guy doesn’t pursue her after he’s been told she has a boyfriend.

I am sure (I hope not) that she’s been through worse than some guy handing her a note.

I know you did, but you can't expect me to remember every post written in a long thread. I haven't even interacted with you nor I expressed what I think of your advice.




It is not, passing a such note paper to a stranger in an unsolicited manner is pretty close to catcalling. Think well about it before you respond to this.




In other term, any input that you agree with = "good input".

And any input that you disagree with = "bad and dismissive of me".

Boo we are from two very different cultures. OP lives in the US (as do I), where there is a very big difference between passing your number off to someone your acquainted with and catcalling a random person walking on the street. I can't speak for your country. But I can say that as an American who has been catcalled before, and also approached by strange men while working in customer service positions, passing a note with your number is one of the least creepy things someone could do.

From your comment about people who disagree with me you have not only shown that you leap to faulty conclusion based on scant evidence, but that you take me for an irrational person, which I am not. Let me be clear, I said Kraftie gave good input, not because we always agree, but because he considers his words and doesn't make sweeping declarations. I classify your advice as bad because it was based on generalizations and didn't consider the cultural differences between you and OP. If you ever read my posts on this forum it will be evident that I have no issue with people disagreeing with me as long as their logic is sound.

I may be from a different culture but not from a different planet, so please don't attempt to dismiss my advice just because I am of a different culture. ; this is a very cheap attempt of alienating, AuroraBorealisGazer - this is typical btw and I am really starting to get sick of this.

There are others here who think the paper thing is very bad, and they're westerners (2 Americans and 1 Canadian) like alex, RightGalaxy and cyberdad. RightGalaxy and cyberdad even described the act as creepy / desperate - yet I am the only one you chose to associate my culture to my advice.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 23 Aug 2020, 3:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It would have been very bad had Mr. BullsBears tried to use a pickup line on the woman.

Passing a note is harmless in most instances if the note itself doesn’t contain some pickup line.

Plus we don't know what culture the girl is , she may be a foreigner, or of a specific community or of 1st generation of some culture who may find this very offensive still. I haven't actually said that my culture would find this offensive but I happen to know some other cultures who do.


Ha, someone asked the same on Quora, read the NT responses: https://www.quora.com/Can-you-write-you ... -it-to-her

One does have to consider the culture of anybody when relating to that somebody.

I once worked with a conservative Muslim woman who constantly wore a head covering. Turns out she wasn’t offended by anything. She took a lot of guff....and gave it right back.